BP Says It Has Successfully Controlled Flow of Information on Spill

[Ichingcarpenter]

Borowitz Report


BP officials said today they were "cautiously optimistic" that they had contained the flow of information about the Gulf oil spill and that no further facts about the spill would reach the mainland.

According to BP, a giant containment dome was lowered over reporters covering the spill, making it impossible for them to cover the true nature and scope of the disaster.
The success of that strategy, called Operation Squelch, was the source of much jubilation at BP headquarters on Monday, but company CEO Tony Hayward warned against celebrating prematurely.


"We think we have successfully contained the flow of information," he said. "But there's always the danger of leaks."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-borowitz/bp-says-it-has-successful_b_603587.html?ir=Politics

[Skink]

1. They charaterized the well as "Producing".

[LakeSamish706]

2. I know I am going to ask a dumb question, but is this serious? Why aren't

BP Execs. in jail and why aren't Bush and Admin. in jail?

[Ichingcarpenter]

3. Borowitz is a satirist

Experts Propose Plugging Oil Leak with BP Executives
Submerging Execs Could Be 'Win-Win'


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – At a conference of oil leak experts in Washington today, attendees proposed plugging the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with executives of BP, the company responsible for the catastrophic spill.

“We’ve tried containment domes, rubber tires, and even golf balls,” said William Cathermeyer of the National Oil Leakage Institute, a leading consultancy in the field of oil leaks. “Now it’s time to shove some BP executives down there and hope for the best.”

Submerging the oil company executives thousands of feet below the ocean’s surface could be a “win-win” situation, Mr. Cathermeyer said.

“Best-case scenario, they plug the leak,” he said. “And at the very least, they’ll shut the fuck up.”

But even as the oil leak experts proposed their unorthodox solution, environmental expert Marilyn Sufranski warned of the possible negative consequences of plugging the oil leak with BP executives.

“The Gulf of Mexico is slimy enough already,” she said. More here.