For anyone watching the stock market today, here is a brief summary

[whistle]

"Today's Stock Market Results"
From Sound Money broadcast September 5, 1998


Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationery.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.


:shrug: What, you can't take a little leveraged laughter :rofl:

[wildhorses]

1. wo0t

:applause:

[karlrschneider]

2. And Charmin is in the toilet.

:rofl:

[whistle]

7. That should be added to the list

:applause:

[karlrschneider]

18. Thought of a couple more

Slinky stock stairstepping down
Rubber futures bouncing madly
Roofing nail stocks being hammered
Smith & Wesson completely shot
Hard drive makers spin reports of crash

heh heh

[Mutineer]

13. No, it's my 401K that is in the toilet!

:mad:

[whistle]

15. Sorry to hear that....

:hug:

[shain from kane]

3. The Race Is On

I feel tears welling up from down deep inside,
Like my heart's got a big break
And a stab of loneliness sharp and painful that I may never shake.

You might think that I'm taking it hard since you broke me off with a call,
You might wager that I'll hide in sorrow and I might lay right down and bawl.

Now the race is on and here comes pride up the back stretch,
Heartaches a goin' to the inside, my tears are holding back, tryin' not to fall.

My heart's our of the running, true love scratched for another's sake,
The race is on and it looks like heartaches, and the winner loses all.

One day I ventured in love never once suspecting
What the final result would be.
Now I live in fear of waking up each morning,
And finding that you're gone from me.

There's an aching pain in my heart for the name of the one that I hated to face,
Someone else came out to win her, and I came out in second place.

[whistle]

4. Oh, such a sad tail...that's right the one between your legs

:hide: :yoiks:

[KOBUK]

20. I'm old enough and love country/western music enough

to remember when that song came out !

[shain from kane]

21. I guess the original poster took exception to my comment #3, but my reply

was referring to the similarity in meter(?) to what is a relatively famous country/western song to those that remember it. Practically every line in the original post can be substituted (not in the same order) for a line in "The Race Is On." Try it.

As copied from original posting,


Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationery.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

[TechBear_Seattle]

5. Most excellent!

Forwarded to my company CEO. :toast:

[whistle]

6. Good for you, I hope your CEO has a sense of humanity

[hatrack]

8. "Teeth clenched and buttocks remained firm:

Month Python

[whistle]

14. ...and head bowed down...

:silly:

[femrap]

9. Thanks...I'm going to use this today...nt

[whistle]

12. You are welcome

[mopinko]

10. sure, i'll rec a laugh

i needed one. thanks

[applegrove]

11. LOL!

[whistle]

16. I need to give credit for this to the following site

http://www.wolaver.org/Humor/index.htm

[formercia]

17. Here's a laugh

check out the spike in the Gold market.

[karlrschneider]

19. Hah, took me a minute to get that one!

:P