Stalker's.

[Ripley]

I guess the other thread was shown to be a parody. But the issue is not funny.

I don't have the stats about spousal violent abuse, due to adultery, but I think this is an important issue.

A lot of people seem to think "stalker" means "a fan gone crazy after J-Lo rebutted their love interest" when in fact, it is husbands, boyfriends, ex-lovers and co-workers of women that make the bulk of this group, at least by way of affecting regular women who cannot afford bodyguards and an entourage.

I was so freaked from my violent ex-husband, I moved to another town and finally another state. I don't post too personal info on DU because I'm still afraid he might track me down and kill me.

On edit: not to imply I was unfaithful, I was not, he was. I also changed my subject line so as not to confuse. And before I get called on it, yes Virginia there are female stalkers, even some who perpetrate violence against men. But honestly folks, who really believes men are in danger of women hurting them in numbers anywhere near the numbers that men hurt and kill women?

Geesh.

[deacon2]

1. Sadly, you are absolutely correct

I know (or have known) women in this predicament. It isn't funny - not even close. I've had a few run-ins with their male pals that got scary real fast. As to female stalkers - how about Sean Young and James Woods? It ruined her career and made his life hell.

[Ripley]

3. I don't know anything about that particular incident.

But where did I dismiss the police investigation and bringing that person to trial if she committed the crime?

WHY THE HELL DOES ONE INCIDENT OF FEMALE ONTO MALE CRIME seem to negate the true epidemic of men abusing women in America in June 2005?

There was a thread in GD a couple of years ago that spoke to this issue of stalkers. It was a huge thread and quite a few women told their stories, more than I could.

I have yet to see a man start a thread about how beaten and abused men are by their women.

[Hello_Kitty]

12. Women are far less likely to stalk and abuse men

Because we are physically limited and there's no stong social framework that supports that behavior. The slightest inclination of possessiveness or jealousy gets you or me labelled "psycho" while a guy has to really ratchet it up before it's even deemed worthy of notice. I've dated guys who were really needy and trying to intensify the relationship right off the bat. One eager suitor wanted to know what type of wedding I wanted (and it was clear that wedding was to be with him) on our 2nd date. Yikes!! As far as I know, I wasn't giving him any indication that I returned the depth of his immediate feelings for me so this was really overwhelming. It's not that I felt menaced by this particular chap and he didn't go on to stalk me after I subsequently stopped dating him a short while later (thankfully). But I do remember recounting it to friends and acquaintances and was surprised at some of the feedback I got. Most were understanding of my reticence but there were a few who chastised me for letting such a "nice guy" who was "willing to make a commitment" get away. :wtf:

I mean, can you imagine how it would be viewed if I were the one pushing for marriage that soon?

[Rainbowreflect]

2. I am so sorry for what you had to go through.

My first husband was abusive so I understand a little of what you went through. When I look back on the treatment I put up with I am amazed how long I stayed.

[tenshi816]

5. Me too, I know what you mean.

When you're in it, it takes a long time to see how bad things are, and then you spend a long time trying to figure out what to do about it. In my case, first I thought I could make it better, and when I woke up - finally - and realized that he was the problem, not me, I left. A few months later I left the country and stayed. Only then did I feel truly free.

Nowadays, 20 years after leaving him, I'm a strong woman and the few people I've ever told about that part of my past find it hard to believe that I ever lived with a man I had to walk on eggshells around because I was afraid of being hit, because I'm not that person anymore.

The only vestige of the old me is in dreams. Very occasionally, if I'm under a lot of stress, I have nightmares that I'm still with him, living with my stomach perpetually tied up in knots.

[Ripley]

6. I know exactly what you are talking about.

I have those "old" dreams and they affect my life to this day.

[tenshi816]

9. God, I know, it's scary

I remarried years ago to a kind and loving man and we have two children. The usual form my nightmare takes, the recurring one, is that they - my husband and sons - are something I've dreamed, and that the reality is I'm still with my ex and scared to death to leave him in case he follows through on his promise to kill me.

Every time I have that one, my husband knows it because I start crying and screaming in my sleep. The relief I feel when I wake up is hard to adequately describe.

[chicaloca]

4. one of my best friends....

was stalked by this crazy guy who she barely even knew for almost two years. He just saw her in the dorms and thought she was HAWT and decided that meant she needed to have her life damn near ruined. She finally managed to get a restraining order when he found her new, unlisted apartment address and moved into the same goddamn building as her. That situation pretty much ruined her college experience, and she was happy as hell to get away and go to grad school.

Frighteningly, one of my professors told me that in Florida you have to be attacked by the same person three times before you can get a restraining order. Never mind what happens if they kill you one of those times. :scared:

[mongo]

7. There needs to be stronger laws enforcing restraining orders

In a lot of places, even if a person is caught violating a restraining order, the cops just let them go.

I may be wrong here, but I believe if you are charged with violating a restraining order, you are charged with contempt of court - a misdemeanor.

Also, since this is a misdemeanor, if someone violates a restraining order, and are gone by the time the police arrives, they can't be arrested for it, even if there are 20 witness'.

I think that there needs to be a felony law against violating a restraining order when the person involved has been charged with any violent crime. Then at least the person wouldn't have to be caught red-handed, and if there is a witness besides the person taking out the restraining order, the violator could be arrested and charged for the violation - and hopefully would be held without bail.

[Name removed]

8. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[mongo]

10. What in the hell is up with you?

I was trying to point out a BIG PROBLEM with the current laws. I didn't say it was the ONLY problem.

If anyone else but me wrote that post, would you have responded so viciously?

[Ripley]

11. Unbelievable that the mods deleted my post.

Have at it Mongo...this Forum is yours....go for it....I'm outta this fucking place!

[MountainLaurel]

13. Some stats

From the government on stalking:

http://virlib.ncjrs.org/vict.asp?category=50&subcategory=105

Just hit CTRL + F and type stalking to find all the relevant reports.

Several years ago I worked for this agency, and had to read through one of the reports to Congress on the issue. One of the stats that really struck me about stalkers was that when a woman is being stalked, in one out of four cases, a pet is threatened or hurt, and in 1/10, the pet is killed by the stalker. Tells you the sort of people you're dealing with.