Witch Taint: The Wheels of Destruction are in Motion.

[Kire]

Dave Hill is obsessed with Norwegian Black Metal, the exciting musical genre brought to international prominence in the early '90's thanks to a series of church burnings, murders, suicides, and other surefire attention-getting devices (an informative article on the topic can be found here (http://observer.guardian.co.uk/omm/story/0,13887,1415240,00.html).

Recently his desire to become part of the scene reached such a fever pitch that he couldn't help but reach out to a longtime member of the Norwegian Black Metal community.

Fearing for his own life however, he wrote to him not as himself but as his alter ego- a 19 year-old kid from Gary, Indiana named Lance, frontman, leader, and sole member of the self-proclaimed greatest Black Metal band ever, Witch Taint (www.myspace.com/witchtaint).

The following is their unaltered e-mail correspondence.

http://www.theblackmetaldialogues.com/intro.html

[swag]

1. That is Total Fucking Godhead

Thanks for sharing.

[swag]

2. Kick for pure joyous comedy on a gloomy night.

[swag]

3. I almost feel like mounting one of those asinine "Please Nominate the

Witch Taint Thread for the Greatest Page" threads, but that would be annoying.

So I'll just kick this one more time and hope for the best. I'm sure our collective willpower (elsewhere known, oddly, as "mass conscience," which apparently has some strong believers in these parts) can save this thread.

[Kire]

4. I posted it in the humor group.

and on my blog, and I emailed it to all my friends

got some good responses, too

never fear, the blacker than even the blackest lord of destruction will assume his throne in due time

[progmom]

5. beautiful

:hi:

thanks for sharing!!

[PittPoliSci]

6. i fucking love black metal...

[Kire]

9. not as much as Lance

he's blacker than even the blackest lord of blackness

[PittPoliSci]

11. hahahaha

My blackness can't compare the the blackness that is the blackness of the blackest lord of the blackest blackness.

[Kire]

12. send him an email to prove it or you're a wuss

[email protected]

[PittPoliSci]

13. i think if i did i'd probably want to kill myself...

from fear of the sheer blackness that may or may not come back at me via his mom's computer.

[Kire]

15. good

I mean, well, that would satisfy my blackest desires

[ghostsofgiants]

7. Best band name ever.

[Heidi]

8. Kire . . .

The Black Metal Dialogues are among the funniest things I've read in ages. Thank you.

Dark regards,

Heidi

[Kire]

10. MORE BLACKNESS

here's an email interview "lance" did with a journalist for online mag Aversion

Wack in Black: The Black Metal Dialouges
Aug. 12, 2005
By Brian Heater

Wack in Black: The Black Metal DialougesActs of social rebellion defined rock’n’roll for as long as it has been a major cultural force, every generation of musicians managing to one up the one prior with acts of increasing social deviance. In the ’50s, the less-than-subtle innuendo of swiveling hips defined rebellion. The ’60s introduced the world to the drug-fueled sexuality of the Stones, while their ‘good boy’ counterparts proclaimed to all who would listen, that their popularity had exceeded that of the messiah. By the end of the decade, the Aleister Crowley-obsessed members of Led Zeppelin looked on, as a fan performed unspeakable acts on a dead shark in the band’s hotel room.

By the late seventies, rock rebellion seemed to hit a critical mass with punk rock, the Sex Pistols’ prefabricated dissent leading the pack. A decade later, as the free world occupied itself swaying along to power ballads, a genre of music was brewing in Scandinavia that would soon make Sid Vicious’s bouts of self-mutilation seem downright precious.

Black Metal was born in the forests and abandoned dungeons of Norway, a culture based on both the cold, darkly ethereal Satanic music and acts of violence, arson and murder, oft perpetrated by the musicians themselves. Over the next decade, churches burned to the ground, fellow musicians were murdered with axes and human brains were made into jewelry, and even, according to some reports, consumed.

What seems to define the music even more than these calculated acts of violence, or even the classically inspired keyboards that drive the songs, is the earnestness with which the whole thing is executed. Though to outsiders, certain aspects of the culture such as corpse paint and or overzealous cover poses with sharpened axe in hand may seem downright funny, every aspect of Black Metal is intensely void of humor, making the whole scene ripe for comedic fodder.

Enter standup comic/writer/musician Dave Hill, or rather Lance, Hill’s alter ego, a 19-year-old resident of Gary, Ind. who works at Subway, lives in his mother’s basement and fronts the most evil black metal group of all time, the mighty Witch Taint.

More: http://www.aversion.com/features/feature.cfm?id=5

[PittPoliSci]

14. that interview was so good.

"fine, get ready for the blackest fucking lawn you've ever seen." and then i'll totally cut the fuck out of that shit.

[Kire]

16. kick

blacketey black black black