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1. Rhett knew she loved someone else when he married her-he talked her into marriage when she was drunk and remorseful over the death of her 2nd husband, who was really too stupid to live. She never cheated on Rhett. He cheated on her repeatedly with that whore, Belle Watling, and would throw it in Scarlett's face that he preferred a whore's company to his wife's.
2. The one occasion with which he has to reproach her for her feelings for Ashley was a situation that didn't even involve romance or lust. They were comforting each other about losses of childhood friends they had in common, who died during or after the war. Even Melanie knew this, which is why she protected Scarlett from the social fallout. India Wilkes was a bitch who never got over Scarlett stealing hubby #1 from her stupid sister (Honey Wilkes), so she tried to take Scarlett down for an innocent act.
3. Yes, Scarlett was an obnoxious, arrogant, shallow woman. Rhett told her he loved her for those reasons, and for her smart business sense.
As Stephen King had a character say years later, "Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive". Scarlett survived.
I think that they could have worked it out, if he stopped drinking and carousing and if she lightened up a little bit and responded to his romantic overtures. When Melanie died, she realized that she didn't love Ashley at all, and was able to redefine that relationship as a friendship, and herself as a godmother to Ash and Melanie's kid (who was friends with her kid by marriage #1, conviently left out of the movie, along with her daughter by Frank Kennedy). Especially if she had another baby, and it was a boy (a girl would remind them too much of their dead Bonnie, which they already spent too much energy blaming each other over).
Also, Rhett loved Scarlett's kids by her previous husbands and may have wanted to continue those relationships. The best way to be stepdad is to stay married to mom.
Once Mammy got some rest at Tara, she would have been back, trying to get them back together, too.
In today's world, they would have fought the day Melanie died (where the book ends), and been screwing in the closet at her funeral.
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