Why would the phrase "I don't drink with you" upset someone?

[RB TexLa]

At a party with my wife's co-workers one woman kept asking me if I wanted a drink. I told her no thank you each time, after several offers she asked why I didn't want a drink and I said "I don't drink with you." I was there to accompany my wife to a party with her co-workers, it was not appropriate for me to consume their food and beverages.

[LoveMyCali]

1. I would think

that if it were appropriate for your wife to bring you there it's ok to consume the refreshments. "I don't drink with you" sounds personal and it would probably hurt my feelings too.

[SoCalDem]

8. "Bring a guest" implies that the guest is invited to/expected to

partake of all the goodies.. Perhaps just a "no thank you" or a "I'll have a Pepsi/GingerAle/Club Soda" would have been easier.:)

"I don't drink with YOU" smacks of:
YOU people (as in: it's beneath you to socialize with HER people) :)

[LostinVA]

88. Agree n/t

[SlavesandBulldozers]

65. i don't drink with you

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

2. If you are invited, as a spouse, to go to the party, I'd certainly think

it was appropriate for you to partake of the goodies.

You owe no explanation, but the phrasing seems a bit odd to me.

If you were making an excuse you could always say you were the designated driver, and perhaps this was the case.

Or perhaps you just didn't feel like drinking?

Seems odd for the woman to persist unless she was perhaps three sheets to the wind already.

[Ravenseye]

3. Um. Seriously? Because it's rude maybe?

Was this an office party or at someone's house? If significant others were invited, then it was appropriate for you to consume the food and beverages. If you weren't invited in general, but then invited in and offered a drink or food, it was appropriate to consume them.

If I was at a party with coworkers and I offered one of my coworker's husbands a drink, and he said "I don't drink with you." I'd be extremely offended. If you didn't feel comfortable having aything you should have just said "no thanks, i'm fine." but what you said was really really rude and implied to that person that you don't like them and refuse to drink or eat with them.

Just extremely rude, imho.

[benburch]

4. I'm betting they saw it as a personal rejection.

You probably should have phrased it like this;

"Thank you so very much, but I really don't want anything to drink right now. I'll let you know if I do!"

And then smile.

[MissMillie]

123. yep

that phrase makes it sound like you're rejecting the person, and not the drink.

[texasleo]

5. sounds like you'd be fun to partay with!!!!1

:shrug:

[patricia92243]

6. It WAS appropriate to eat the food and beverages. It WAS NOT appropriate

to say I want drink with you. Maybe you did not mean for it to sound insulting, but it certainly would come across that way. I'm curious to know - what does your wife say about this?

[RB TexLa]

11. my wife thinks I am an adult and able to decide what is and isn't

appropriate for me to do.

[Ravy]

15. Then you should ask your wife what she thinks about the comment.

The feelings of the person you offended, and the advice of posters on this board don't seem to matter to you.

If it was your wife's co-worker, she is likely to feel the brunt of what seems to me to be a social snub.

[eleny]

17. Then why ask about it here?

[RB TexLa]

18. I just wondered why the person huffed off

at least she stopped bothering me.

[eleny]

24. Probably best to ask her if you really want to know how she feels

Looks like you got plenty of answers here and they're all pretty much the same slant. You sounded rude and that's how it was received. It's a no brainer.

[gkdmaths]

199. LOL

:rofl:

Mission accomplished, however crudely.

:thumbsup:

[Haole Girl]

206. LOL

[SlavesandBulldozers]

51. she'd be wrong.

:spank:

just sayin. . .

[WinkyDink]

55. She could be wrong.

[LostinVA]

89. Then why ask DU?

[zanne]

109. If you said that at a party of mine....

I'd show you the door. There are no two ways about it; that was just plain rude.

[RB TexLa]

111. do you offer people food or drinks after they have told you "no thanks"

over and over?

[zanne]

112. I don't drink either...

And when offered a drink at a party I always say "No thank you." If they persist, I say "No thank you, I don't drink". I don't tell them "I don't drink with you". I'll put it this way; it sounds the same as "I WON'T drink with you". You were wrong. Learn from it and move on.

[RB TexLa]

113. I do drink

I was not going to drink there.


What I asked was after someone has told you "no thanks" repeatedly, do you continue to offer them? Or do you allow them to decide that they do not want it?

[zanne]

118. If you don't want answers to your question...

Don't ask the question. Obviously, your mind is made up about it and you're looking for validation, not honest answers.

[RB TexLa]

120. I guess I missed the answer

I still don't see it.

What I asked was after someone has told you "no thanks" repeatedly, do you continue to offer them? Or do you allow them to decide that they do not want it?

[Rabrrrrrr]

134. Actually, you didn't ask that question at all.

You asked (and I am quoting inexactly, though closely, here) "Why would the host of a party be upset if I said 'I don't drink with you' when they offered me a drink?".

You didn't ask anything even remotely close to whether we would continue to offer drinks to someone who clearly didn't want any.

[RB TexLa]

146. in post 111 I asked someone

"do you offer people food or drinks after they have told you "no thanks" over and over?"

Here is a link to where I asked them this

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x5330132#5332428

[hfojvt]

197. Most people do not

I find it to be typical "host or hostess" behaviour to just about force feed people who visit. I try to tell them many times that I am not hungry, that I have a fussy stomach and there are way too many things that I cannot eat, but they just will not take no for an answer. Most of them that is. Even the hospital, when I was there for ulcers and expected to leave in a couple hours insisted on bringing me something. So I finally said I would take some rice, but they did not bring me rice - they brought me spicy rice, which not only did I not appreciate, but the dietician had just told me that I was supposed to avoid spicy food because of my ulcers.

So often I end up eating something that then gives me indigestion and/or cramps for most of the rest of the day. Maybe I should just tell people "I don't eat with you."

[MissMillie]

126. If she had a bunch of people over, it's possible that

she had lost track of who she had asked and who she hadn't asked. I know I often do.

Better safe than sorry. She was being a good hostess.

[senseandsensibility]

7. I'm not sure I understand.

Why wasn't it appropriate for you to consume their food and beverages? I can see if you were the designated driver, or just preferred not to drink. But I'm not sure what "I don't drink with you" means. It almost sounds like an insult.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

53. it almost sounds like what a neanderthal would say if you brought

him to a party.

I'm serious.

"I don't drink with you." Really weird.

[senseandsensibility]

62. It's so awkward that it almost makes you wonder if this

thread is a joke, doesn't it?:) Well, it IS funny, and has provided a lot of us with some amusement today.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

64. it does.

[senseandsensibility]

66. LOL

:rofl: :rofl: :spray:

[SlavesandBulldozers]

67. lol

i really just cant resist sometimes. It's my problem.

[Jazz2006]

85. That's some quick work, there!

:rofl:

[SlavesandBulldozers]

200. it came to me in a vision.

i was simply the medium thru which Pure Art poured itself into Microsoft Paint. ;)

[ceile]

9. Well, it sounds a bit personal.

The phrasing makes it sound like you wouldn't have a drink with her personally.

[etherealtruth]

10. There are gracious ways to refuse someones "hospitality" ...

You did not choose a gracious way.

[RB TexLa]

12. I said "no thanks" the first 6 or 5 times n/t

[fudge stripe cookays]

16. Then reiterate with...

"I'm sorry, I'm REALLY not thirsty, ma'am."

Like it or not, your phrasing was very insulting. Kind of like when you slammed the person above just for asking what your wife thought about what happened.

You sound like a real blast to be around in social situations.

[MissMillie]

124. use the "designated driver" excuse (n/t)

.

[RB TexLa]

125. I would never just out and out lie to someone

too degrading.

[MissMillie]

127. Why would it be a lie? Where you driving?

While that may not have been your true motivation, it certainly wouldn't have been off base if you were driving.

Honestly, I'd rather have someone tell me a white lie about being a designated driver than have someone reject me like that. It's RUDE.

[mzteris]

210. yeah,

insulting is soooooo much better.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

19. It seems there is a consensus that "I don't drink WITH YOU" was a bad

thing to say, since most, including me, feel it reads like a personal insult to the person.

If they were that persistent (were they drunk?), then sure, they were out of line, but in "putting your foot down" you STILL could have said, "Look, I'm sorry, but I REALLY don't want anything to drink!" And perhaps, 'I'd appreciate it if you'd quit asking, thanks.' if she still persisted.

If she was a drunk obnoxious fool, she still might have taken offense, but I think the point most of us are trying to make is, we think you gave her ammunition to take offense.

[etherealtruth]

21. I can understand your frustration ...

I am a rare drinker and an extremely finicky eater (moral prohibitions as well as personal idiosyncrasies), so I am often in the position of turning down someone s's hospitality (especially bad if it is drunken hospitality) ... however, when someone is offering their hospitality to me (even to the point of minor annoyance)I still try to be gracious.

Your OP asked why would someone take offense to your statement, my guess remains that it seemed to lack the grace one expects in social situations.

[uppityperson]

23. designated drive, but I know what you mean

Why won't you drink with me, think you are too good?

I have held a drink without drinking it for a long time, or perhaps a soda. But I know what you mean.

[durrrty libby]

26. I don’t drink with you is a very odd expression.

It sounds like an expression found in a Godfather type movie.

How about this one.

Ann: Joe, you look tired

Joe: I don’t lie down with dogs.


In the future....take the offerings....hold it

or put it down.

[WinkyDink]

57. Maybe because you insisted on looking like a party-pooper!

"No, I may not consume thy comestibles nor thy potables! BEGONE!"

[Pool Hall Ace]

204. Funniest damn response.

I'm using that line! :rofl:

[Rex]

13. If everyone had a glass and food then what is the harm?

If it was alcohol you can always tell them your the designated driver and can't drink. If you go to my grandmothers house, she will offer you something to drink until you say yes. Just the way she was raised. It is like a welcome for some people.

[rucky]

14. Loosen up. n/t

[gollygee]

20. Why do you think you coudn't have had something to drink?

and if you didn't want a drink you could have said, "Thank you. I'm not thirsty right now but I'll keep that in mind." Or something like that.

"I don't drink with you" sounds like, "I have no friendly feelings toward you and no interest in socializing." Even if you did mean it that way, it isn't appropriate to tell people.

[kittenpants]

22. I was going to comment on how rude the phrase sounded, then I remembered..

that I don't reply to you. ;)

[jadedconformist]

36. LOL n/t

[Jazz2006]

46. Touche!

:rofl:

[karlrschneider]

25. I'm not sure I even believe this little tale...

"I don't drink with you" doesn't sound like something a person with an I.Q. over 30 would say except to pick a fight...
:eyes:

[RB TexLa]

27. It was a truthful statement

I do drink, but it was not appropriate for me to drink or eat with my wife's co-workers at their party and I was not going and did not. I was simply there to accompany her.

[karlrschneider]

31. Well, given the choice between staying home and insulting

other guests, I guess I'd pick the former.

[frylock]

33. are you her bodyguard?

what a strange thread this is. :popcorn:

[RB TexLa]

no

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

41. Reminds me a bit of the thread someone started a while ago, where they

had supposedly been hit by a TRUCK, and their leg was all swollen and painful, but heaven forbid, they wouldn't want to go to an emergency room or anything, it was just getting hit by a TRUCK after all, probably nothing serious!

Wheeeee!

[RB TexLa]

42. and it never turned into anything serious

[skygazer]

49. Why was it not appropriate?

I don't understand this. If you were at the party, accompanying your wife, why would it be inappropriate for you to eat or drink? It seems it would be inappropriate to have someone at a party and expect them not to eat or drink.

At any rate, if indeed it wasn't appropriate, the proper response would have been, "Thank you, but I don't feel it's appropriate for me to have a drink at this gathering." Or something of the sort. Saying, "I don't drink with you" sounds like you feel those people are beneath you.

[RB TexLa]

69. It was her party, her co-workers

I was only there because I am her spouse. It would not have been appropriate for me to have eaten their food, drink their stuff or attempted to dominate conversations.

[skygazer]

184. Nonsense

Of course it was appropriate to eat their food or drink their stuff (it's never appropriate to dominate conversation). As the spouse and escort of an invitee, you are also an invitee, whether you work with these people or not. There is no logic in your self-imposed ideas of etiquette and, in fact, you have violated all conventional etiquette by behaving as you did. It is simply impolite to attend a party but simply stand around not eating or drinking or interacting. And it's rude to use a phrase such as you used when offered refreshment.

What makes me scratch my head in wonder is the fact that you actually don't seem to understand what would be offensive about saying, "I don't drink with you."

[titoresque]

233. Seriously, I'm just going to say it

since no one else seems to want to.
You've got issues dude! Issues! And this whole, what? What? Little boy shrug thing you've got going on would seriously turn any woman off! If you really honestly didn't think it appropriate for you to consume food or drink at this party then you shouldn't have been there at all. For one it creeps people out, another is........it's a damn party that's what people do at parties they eat, they drink etc.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

56. not appropriate?

it was appropriate for you to go. . but not to eat or drink. AWESOME!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

59. Yeah it's a head scratcher all right. I evision shrubco fundraisers that

way, if you only gave $10K but not $250K, you get the Diet Dr. Pepper, but no canapes for you!

[SlavesandBulldozers]

61. that's exactly how I picture them as well.

uh, youre a Pathfinder, no sherbet for you - UNLESS there's leftovers! OK now 30 more sieg heils for you!

[gardenista]

101. I know why, and you did good.

Because you knew you would get stinkin' drunk and puke on her fancy couch.

You did the right thing.

[progmom]

163. ...

:rofl:



:hi:

[gardenista]

188. Hey, I really do understand where the guy is coming from

sad to say....

Still,

:rofl:

[progmom]

216. funniest thread i have ever read

:rofl:

[China_cat]

32. Or someone for whom English is not a first language.

[etherealtruth]

38. Ah, you bring up a good point ...

His phrasing is odd (to say the least) for a native American English speaker; it lacks the social graces of someone culturally American (r/t to social norms here) ... your point is probably correct, that for someone who's NOT a native speaker and/or not culturally American, the statement may not have been intended as it seems to us.

[RB TexLa]

40. English is my first language

[Name removed]

60. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Ravenseye]

63. lol

probably the most succinct and accurate summation.

[Warpy]

28. If you were invited, you were entitled to the goodies

If, however, you're a nondrinker (and a lot of us are), then you should not have been put in the position of having to refuse alcohol repeatedly. One "no thank you" should always be sufficient.

Your whole post signifies a great deal of discomfort with the whole situation. My advice would be to clear the air with your wife about not dragging you to company parties in the future, or about clarifying your status as an invited guest.

[RB TexLa]

30. there was no clarification needed, it would not have been appropriate

I decide what is appropriate for me to do. And I was not "dragged" to anything, I enjoy accompanying my wife to places.

[nsd]

34. Actually, a clarification obviously was needed, since the woman ...

was insulted by your reply. Also, note that nobody here has agreed with you that it was inappropriate for you to have a drink -- another reason to think you should have clarified what you meant.

[gollygee]

If you're talking about standard etiquitte

it would have been very appropriate to have a drink. Having your own set of etiquitte rules that deviates from standard etiquitte means taht you might say something rude from time to time.

[Touchdown]

29. Sounds to me like you really needed that drink.

I can be an asshole. Many people on DU know that. But THIS!?!?!?!:wtf:

[jadedconformist]

35. That was rude. n/t

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

37. What the hell kind of party can you attend, but there are two tiers of

people there, guests who are OK to drink/eat, and those who are not? Usually you would simply exclude people if you don't want them to partake.

For instance, in my field, company reps often sponsor dinners, cocktail receptions etc. to promote their wares. Because there are actually federal laws governing this, they cannot provide freebies to spouses/family members. As a result, the fliers and invites for such outings specifically indicate that, sorry, we can't invite your spouse.

The thing that smells funny about this story is:

1) the circumstances of this party where it would be okay for you to attend, but not to eat or drink their stuff, people are having a hard time taking your word that this was the case because it seems so strange

2) and what you said sounds just plain dopey and rude.

[RB TexLa]

39. This was a party at a private house hosted by some of my wife's co-workers

The decision as to if it is appropriate for me to consume the food and beverages at the party was mine. I'm sure there where other spouses or SO's that felt it was appropriate for them to consume and others that felt the same as I.

[Lars39]

48. That the party was in someone's home makes the insult even more

personal. You should have accepted at least a drink and then 'nursed'it. Especially if you were causing the hostess to be uncomfortable. Being considerate of others' feelings is what politeness is all about.

[amitten]

103. Then you say, "I don't feel it's appropriate" not "I don't drink with

you".

You just don't know how to phrase things. You should always put yourself in the other person's shoes before speaking.

How would you feel if someone said, "I don't drink with you" to you? You'd feel insulted, of course, because it sounds rude.

[sendero]

190. And I'm sure that..

.... just as you are puzzled by this person's response to your comment, you are equally puzzled at the probable fact that your refusal to "participate" made the host uncomfortable, and they were just trying to relieve their own discomfort by getting you to join in.

Seriously, your decision to not participate sounds, I dunno, passive-aggressive?

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

207. I don't think ANYONE else thought the way you do.

Do yourself a favor and buy a book on basic etiquette. No matter what the circumstances, there were at least a million different ways you could've handled this better.

[Midlodemocrat]

43. I think you didn't mean it the way it came across.

If you felt that you shouldn't have anything to eat/drink, that is fine. She was simply being gracious by offering sustenance to you at a festive event.

I doubt that you meant to insult her or hurt her feelings. It probably came out before you had a chance to filter it.

The way you said it as indicated on this thread, I think she probably felt a little wounded because it seems a little personal.

Again, I doubt that is how you meant it.

[shanti]

44. that was an odd thing to say....

why didn't you just say, no thank you, and be done with it?

[KitchenWitch]

45. It seems to me

that you are asking a question, "Why would the phrase...." And then you get answers you do not want to hear, you go on the offensive.

Personally, if I had been the hostess, I would have been insulted. I would have likely tried to leave the situation more gracefully than going off in a huff, but I would have been hurt by that.

[RB TexLa]

47. I simply asked about the phrase, the fact that it wasn't appropriate

for me to consume the food and drink wasn't and isn't at issue.

[KitchenWitch]

54. The "inappropriate to consume" thing appears to me to be self imposed

Whether it was appropriate or not, there are more gracious ways to refuse hospitality, which is what almost everyone else upthread has pointed out.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

71. It WAS self imposed, he said as much in one of the other posts. It does

speak to a fundamental failure to understand what is expected in a social situation like this. Taking a little drink and sipping it would have been fine. Firmly refusing, with or without an excuse would also have been fine.

Saying "I don't drink with you." = rude.

I guess the main question to the original poster is, would you say the same thing in a similar situation tomorrow if it happened again? If you would, and see nothing wrong with it, then I see little point in asking here what was wrong with it, unless your goal was to brighten our afternoon and provide a little entertainment, which you have succeeded in doing!

[RB TexLa]

73. I told the person "no thanks" a few times

I guess next time I will tell them "no thanks, and if you feel you have to ask repeatedly that will still be the answer, so save your time."

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

74. This would be better, because it doesn't single out the person offering,

and imply that something is wrong with their company.

[LostinVA]

94. And, that would also be socially rude n/t

[1monster]

114. Still rather ungracious and rude. What you have probably done is

made it more likely that in the future when your wife's coworkers have a party that they don't invite her.

Talk about sabotaging your wife's business relationships! :eyes:

[Bassic]

143. So how about

No thank you, I do not wish to drink today?

Why the hell must you insist on being rude?

[LostinVA]

93. But the one caused the other n/t

[WinkyDink]

50. Is this a joke or what?

That's not only a rude expression; it's a downright stupid one! "Wasn't appropriate"? WTH??

English may be your first language, but I'd bet that the U.S. is not your native land.

[RB TexLa]

68. Yes it is my native land

[Mutley]

52. It does come off as kind of rude the way you described it here.

But I don't know the whole story, or the tone of your voice, or whatever. Your reasons for not taking anything to eat or drink are you own, but it is a host's job to make sure all the guests have everything they need.

[muriel_volestrangler]

58. Are you a Muslim, and was this during Ramadan?

Or were you on some similar fast? If so, maybe you should have explained that. "I don't drink with you" on its own sounds rather classist - as if you're putting yourself either above or below her.

[caty]

70. I think this falls under the meaning

of "breaking bread" with someone. To refuse is an insult. To accept is another way of saying that you accept that person as someone you respect.

[LostinVA]

95. Exactly -- if you accept an invitation to someone's house

To a party, a barbecue, any social situation... then there are certain expectations of courtesy on both sides. The host shouldn't sit there and play video games all night (unless it's a 13-year-old boy), they should act like a host -- and the guest is expected to act like a guest. If someone can't uphold their end, they shouldn't throw parties nor go to them. In addition, you insulted and hurt one of your wife's coworkers... needlessly.

Saying it's "appropriate for you" to go to a party you were invited to and refuse all offers of hospitality does, indeed, sound like a joke, as some posters up thread have stated.

[LeftyMom]

72. "with you" makes it a personal rejection

Something like "I'm not hungry right now," "I have a bit of a stomachache so I think I'll do without" or "I don't drink" is much more socially appropriate because it doesn't leave the other person feeling rejected.

[AlCzervik]

75. yup, sounds like "I'd drink with someone else though, you're dismissed"

[Dr Fate]

76. You should have relaxed and enjoyed the drink. Maybe next time.

n/t

[RB TexLa]

77. It still will be inappropriate to accept at the next of her coworker's

parties.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

78. Have you considered not going, rather than cause an awkward scene?

[smirkymonkey]

149. Or seeing a therapist?

Seriously, did your parents keep you in a box or something?

[Dr Fate]

79. Sure, if you are socially retarded, or a space alien.

In what society or culture is it considered rude or "inappropriate" to accept refreshments at parties or gatherings in which you are invited?

Perhaps you need to re-take those charm school classes you skipped.

;)

[progmom]

164. .....

:spray:

[senseandsensibility]

80. Why?

I don't get it.

[smirkymonkey]

86. Here's what I don't get - why would it be inappropriate for you to

drink, eat and partake in conversation, yet entirely appropriate for you to even attend in the first place? I find this bizarre, to say the least.

It is assumed that the escort of a guest is also a guest, unless there was an explicit request to leave spouses/significant other at home. If you don't want to partake in the festivities, fine, but your delivery was rude. Personally, I don't see why you even bothered to show up in the first place.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

90. You'll just have to take his word for it, you had to be there, I guess...

[LostinVA]

96. I agree -- I can't fathom this either n/t

[Kajsa]

98. I just can't take this seriously.

Going to a social gathering and refusing all food and drink?

not for religious reasons
not because of fasting

I don't think so--

Oh, about your " I don't drink with you"

That you say to someone you're about to challenge
to a duel.

[bettyellen]

100. if you're just there to escort you should stay outside. seriously.

[1monster]

119. Then don't go. Unless, of course, it is your intention to embarrass your

wife?

[MissMillie]

128. Agreed

If you find it inappropriate to accept hospitality at a party to which you were invited, then don't go to any parties.

[Misunderestimator]

168. It was highly inappropriate to breathe the air in their house too.

You're wacky.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

180. Why? Could you just explain that much? I don't get it!

[fudge stripe cookays]

181. I'm just wondering how...

you can move with that rather large broomstick up your butt. Are you Vulcan or what?

[mzteris]

211. WHY???

for god's sake why do you keep saying this?

I think that is the "other" thing that people just are *not* getting here.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?

WHY was it "inappropriate" for you to drink or eat ANYTHING at your's wife's coworker's party?

I really do want to know - and so does every other poster on this thread, I think.

[Schema Thing]

81. Because as you describe the scene, you were an asshole

[Xipe Totec]

82. I've used that phrase before,

but only as a mortal insult.

[Floogeldy]

83. "I don't trust a man who won't take a drink."

This statement was made in open court by a district court judge in Oklahoma.

He's a cool guy. ;)

[Rabrrrrrr]

84. Because it's fucking rude, and intended solely to insult and upset people.

It's a clear and amazingly succinct and brilliant insult - like a cold-cock to the kidneys.

It's one of those perfectly non-profane ways to say "fuck off you piece of shit, I think you are despicable, worthless, and utterly beneath my contempt and not worth any more of my time even if you're breathing had stopped and I was the only doctor in the county".

If you had intended that, I'd say you were brilliant at the way you brushed the bitch off. But since you don't seem to realize it's an insult, now you know. It is. It's a wonderful one!

And I am totally unclear why you think that if you can't drink or eat at a party hosted by your wife's co-worker. If you are invited, the assumption of the invite is that you are, in fact, eligible to eat and drink.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

92. Also, it's more proper to add "mothafuckaa" at the end of the insult.

Example usage:

"I don't drink with YOU, MOTHAFUCKAAA."

See how much better?

[Misunderestimator]

169. ala Samuel L. Jackson "I don't muthafuckin drink with you, muthafucka!"

:rofl:

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

172. Followed by a drive-by when the party is getting ready to break up.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

87. Depends. What were you wearing?

If you came in a Jason mask carrying an axe, it probably would be appropriate. People would then expect a response along those lines.

[kittenpants]

97. oh my god

:rofl:

[Misunderestimator]

165. ROFL!!

:rofl:

[northzax]

212. or a Klan robe

at a synagouge, perhaps?

[xmas74]

91. Maybe they are followers of Valentine "Michael" Smith?

That would be an insult to them.

[Bryan]

99. Everybody upthread is right, this is a stunning example of rudeness

I've got Asperger's Syndrome. I abhor social gatherings of any stripe. If I can get away with not looking you in the eye and brushing you off with a few words so I don't have to waste energy with the parry and thrust of conversation, I do it. But I would never rebuff someone who is simply trying to be a good host by offering drinks. Is there such a caste separation between you and your wife's co-workers that a "I'm not in the mood for a drink" would have been wildly inappropriate?

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

102. You see, he had already declined a drink several times, such that this

manner of response became the only option left...

[JVS]

104. Because it makes them think that you don't like/ trust them

[KatyMan]

105. I hope my wife

never gets invited to one of your parties so I don't have to accompany her and stand around not eating, drinking or speaking...

[RB TexLa]

106. What I feel is appropriate and what you might feel is appropriate

have nothing to do with one another.

[KatyMan]

107. True enough

but if you invite your neighbor over to your house and say, "hey bring your wife" and they know what you find 'appropriate' but his wife still speaks and partakes, you'll be judging her as being inappropriate when in fact she's just participating in a social occasion she to which she was invited. Does the term 'wet blanket' mean anything to you?

Actually, I believe this is a wind up.

[RB TexLa]

108. I would have no reason to judge what someone else finds appropriate

for themselves, that would be way out of my place.

[KatyMan]

115. Out of curiousity

why, exactly, is it inappropriate? If it's inappropriate for you to participate in a function you were clearly invited to, isn't it then logically, inappropriate for you to be there? I assume you brought your own oxygen supply?

Why am I even reading this thread, let alone responding to it?????!!!11!

[RB TexLa]

116. Why I was there had nothing to do with the people at the party

I was there to accompany my wife. Not to be a part of their party.

[tjwmason]

121. If you were accomanying your wife, you were part of the party.

Otherwise you should have been sitting on the doorstep outside, or in your car.

[KatyMan]

122. I give up

I'm going to the GD to find something rational.

Shameless plug: If there's anyone in London reading this, can you visit my post on US Food in the UK in the UK forum? I'm dying for a chilli cheese dog with a real hot dog and can't find one here.

--edited to fix html

[kedrys]

130. So you were there to chaperone your wife?

That's the only explanation that makes sense in the context you present. Or I don't get it, which is a distinct possibility as well. :shrug:

[smirkymonkey]

151. You make it sound like you are hired help or something.

Does your wife pay you to attend these functions with her?

[RB TexLa]

153. no, she simply asked if I wanted to go with her

[skygazer]

185. Then you should not have gone

What, your wife can't go out without you? If you are accompanying her to a party, then you are by extension a guest at that party and should behave like one, not like an unmannered boor who simply lurks around not eating or drinking or socializing. It's rude, off-putting and uncomfortable. And it smacks of "keeping an eye on" your wife (whether it was or not).

[Rabrrrrrr]

135. But yet you judged the hostess as inappropriate for asking you

if you wanted a drink.

:shrug:

All I can say is, after reading this thread and watching it for a day, I hope I never accidentally invite your wife to a party and you decide to come to "stand next to her but not participate in the party in any way and insult the host when he offers you a drink."

That is one bizarre way of thinking, sir.

[RB TexLa]

147. No I didn't, at least the first 5 or 4 times she asked

I thought after telling her no thanks, she would be able to understand that I did not want any.

[Rabrrrrrr]

148. Not in the beginning, no. But eventually you did.

I'm not saying you're wrong in thinking her rude - sounds to me like she was way to pushy, and not sensitive to you as a guest.

But, you did eventually judge her as being inappropriate - I only say this to point out that we ALL make those judgments, and do so all the time (both wrongly and rightly; both when necessary and when not necessary) and that to say that you don't make these judgments is hypocritical.

[RB TexLa]

150. actually I don't think I judged her anything, no reason to think anything

of her, I don't know her. I believe I was forced to make an attempt past simply saying no thanks to make her understand my wishes. Perhaps she did not accept the fact that I am a free human being able to determine that I can chose what I do and do not wish to eat and drink. Maybe she thinks people should just do as she tells them to do.

[tjwmason]

110. I honestly think that this wins

the most bizarre thread I've seen on D.U.

Why would somebody find it insulting?

Because as it stands it means, I'm better than you, you're lower than I.

If there were some religious reason why you don't drink alcohol, or don't drink with others, then some vague allusion to it would have made everything fine - but it would appear that the only limitation is your very very odd view that it's "not appropriate", clearly the hostess thought it was appropriate and surely that is the person to decide.

No personal offence, but you were down-right rude and it caused upset (unsurprisingly).

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

155. No, THIS one might rank even higher:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=529387

[kedrys]

160. Hooooo-kay...

It's a toss-up, but this is the one I've posted in, so I'm a bit partial to it. The fascinated horror factor is high for both threads.

Thanks for the link - it explains a post higher up in the chain.

[progmom]

166. ooooooooooh

well then....that does make things more interesting. :o

[Misunderestimator]

193. LOL!

:rofl:

[AngryAmish]

227. Kaufmanesque

Beautiful.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

230. YES! "Kaufmanesque"! That is "le mot juste" which I sought...

This thread, I think, wins the Nobel Prize for... whatever the quality is that this thread possesses.

Kaufmanesque is completely appropriate.

Only about 30 percent of the genius of the thread is in the actual phrase "I don't drink with you."

It's the obtuse responses on the thread, prompting all the rage and fury, that are the secret ingredient here. :thumbsup:

[Beaverhausen]

229. Oh yeah- I thought of that one immediately

a classic.

[KatyMan]

117. Actually

you could have just said "We don't grok in fullness" or "I'm in the middle of pan phar"

OK, I'll tell the truth, I'm at work and bored and had an appropriately consumed beer at lunch and have nothing that I feel like doing right now so I'm hanging in the Lounge....

[smirkymonkey]

152. LOL!

Most sensible response I've read yet. :rofl:

[Spider Jerusalem]

129. Because it's rude and insulting?

Implied in your phrasing: 'I drink, but not with people like you.'

It's a flat and outright rejection of offered hospitality, phrased in a stunningly ill-mannered way...it's rather obvious that this person was attempting to make you feel part of the gathering by offering you a drink (repeatedly, as you said)...your rejection of same says 'no, thanks...I want nothing to do with you people.'

It looks like you really need to brush up on your etiquette.

[eyesroll]

131. If your wife RSVP'd that both of you were coming, your host probably

budgeted for food and drink for you. If that was the case, your refusal to eat or drink created an expense for no good reason. (Would you also refuse the food if the affair was catered and thus the host paid a steep price per person?)

"I don't drink with you" adds insult to injury.

[wildhorses]

132. ROTFLMFAO.........

:kick:

RGBolen my hat is off to you sir! You have manifested one of the most inane and insane threads that has ever been my sincere pleasure to read

:patriot:

[Gormy Cuss]

136. I don't respond to RGBolen threads.

I'm here to accompany my fellow DUers, not to be part of the thread.;-)

[kedrys]

137. In that case, stand over there and be quiet.

Look surly, if at all possible. :rofl:

[senseandsensibility]

157. LOL

Perfect!:rofl: Seriously, I can't believe this thread is still going.....

[progmom]

170. fantastic!

:rofl:

[KatyMan]

138. Since I agree this is a wind up,

I'm trying to envision the character that would be like this. I'm thinking it would be either the guy from the Save It For Later video that's trying to read, or this guy:



But only if it's a joke. If it's not, my bad. Just having fun, 20 minutes until it's time to go home for the day!

[Bassic]

144. That is true, and I am proud to be a part of this futility

:D

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

156. And not for the first time, either:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=529387

[wildhorses]

187. OMG...I have to bookmark this thread....just so I can read

THAT thread...you know I will be :rofl:

especially since I work in an emergency room...

good lord I can't wait to get home from work and read it!!!

RGBolen...*curtsy* to the MASTER

[latebloomer]

133. You asked the question

but it seems you don't want to hear the answer.

If this isn't a put-on, you have a serious social problem. You would do well to listen to what the group here- unanimously-- is telling you.

If not, why did you ask?

[Dear Bastards]

139. Your original question aside

you should give yourself major points for remaining civil within this thread, when a good a good deal of the responses have not been. Rudeness being, incidentally, what they are accusing you of.

I think there are a number of hyper-critical social butterflys who have a hard time thinking outside the scope of their ridiculously scripted social mores.

For this to have legitimately been taken as as insult it would have to be said in a particularly sullen tone. And, given that you'd politely declined several times previous, perhaps that was justified.

I think most of the objection centers on the odd phrasing. Was it a faux pas? Maybe, but then so is cutting the cheese :D

[Spider Jerusalem]

141. Well...

as far as your comment about 'social butterflies': I have Asperger's Syndrome, and am quite introverted, and very far from a 'social butterfly'; not to mention that I tend to be more blunt and direct in my phrasing than is sometimes considered socially 'appropriate', and to find much social interaction pointless, tedious, and mystifying...yet even I find saying to someone 'I don't drink with you' to be tremendously rude and insulting, in any context.

[Gormy Cuss]

154. The joke's on you.

The OP likes to post a provocative thread every once in a while.

[Misunderestimator]

171. "I don't fart with you." Now that would have been more polite.

:rofl:

[tjdee]

140. The reason it's so rude is that your expectation of "appropriate" is not

the same as the hostess', obviously.

You keep saying that it's not the issue, whether you thought it was appropriate, but it IS the issue. The reason the lady kept offering you something is clearly because she felt it was appropriate for you to have a sip/bite of something. You say she kept offering, and that's why.

For you to say "I don't drink with you" sounds like a personal insult, as if it's specifically HER you "don't drink with". Since you said I don't drink "WITH YOU". It was rude, even if you didn't mean it that way.

[Dear Bastards]

142. Thats not a fair interpretation

Since you said I don't drink "WITH YOU". It was rude, even if you didn't mean it that way.

"I don't drink with you" sounds like something Jesus would say to his disciples right before the Roman soliders took him away or something. Would it be an insult in that context?

That may sound absurd, but the point is that inflection matters and you seem to be inventing the above.

As a man at a party for group I have very little interaction with, I can tell you I would feel very little obligation to kow tow to an obnoxious, busy-body host who couldn't take a hint. But then that's just me...and the rest of the non-effete male population

[tjdee]

145. Yes, it would.

Even with the nicest of inflections, "I don't drink with you" sounds unnatural, and mean for the reasons I stated. He didn't say "I don't think it's appropriate for me to drink here" or "I don't want to drink at a work function". He said "*I* don't drink WITH YOU."

Subtext there "I don't like you enough to have a drink with you". Period.

Sometimes people won't take no for an answer, obviously, but when he says something like that and then questions WHY they would go off in a huff (which is what the original post was about)....

Surely he can't be surprised at that reaction?

[Name removed]

158. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[RB TexLa]

159. no, both events happened

[tjdee]

162. Thank you, makes a lot more sense now.

:there's no thanks icon :( :

[skygazer]

186. "Non-effete male population"?

Does that mean that only effete men are polite? Because being polite to your host or hostess, regardless of whether they are "obnoxious, busy-bodies who can't take a hint" is part of being a good guest.

As for it sounding like something Jesus would say - well, perhaps Jesus has finally decided to join DU. Can I get an amen? :eyes: (Oh, and by the way, it would be rude if Jesus said it, too)

[Bridget Burke]

202. Oh, so you think "I don't drink with you" means he's "non-effete"?

Wouldn't a "manly man" have requested a shot of tequila?

If someone really wants to avoid a social gathering, he needs to stay home. Was he afraid that his wife might have had an interesting conversation without his glowering presence?

Jesus had just eaten & drunk with his disciples before the Romans turned up.

[LostinVA]

239. What kind of crack is "non effette"?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

161. I don't know. That woman must have her head in a dark smelly place.

If I offered someone a drink several times and they responded "I don't drink with you," I would simply respond by saying thanks. After all, the fact that you don't drink with me is ultimately doing *ME* the favor. :evilgrin:

[progmom]

167. thank you

i haven't laughed this hard in ages. fantastic thread! :thumbsup:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[LouisianaLiberal]

173. This whole, odd thread can be viewed here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwK-2qgBPrk&search=kids%20in%20the%20hall

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

175. LOL a must see

:rofl:

[wildhorses]

189. that is SPOT ON....Hooray for sharing it

although RGBolen did not want anyone to share anything...
wonder if he watched it?
RGBolen YOU are my HERO!!!

you do effortlessly what some of us STRIVE to do here on a daily basis...

[Haole Girl]

174. 176 posts later...

I still don't understand why you said that, RGBolen. Excuse me for saying it, but I'm sure that woman you said it to is still scratching her head, too!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

176. It's all good though, everyone had fun on the thread, noone got their eye

poked out.

[Haole Girl]

177. That is the important thing!

:)

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

178. It's the JOURNEY, not the destination!

:rofl:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

179. But the million dollar question has not been answered!

WHY wasn't it appropriate? I mean, if the poster has leprosy, I could imagine it might not be appropriate to touch anyone or anything. If the poster has aphagia and vomits every time he swallows something, it might be best not to eat or drink at a party. If the party was at Jim Jone's People's Church and the drink of the hour was KOOL AID, I might gather that it wouldn't be appropriate and I, too, might respond, "I don't drink with you!" But how was it not appropriate?

It sounds to me like a weak social construct invented solely to justify that he didn't want to eat or drink! IF that was the case, why not say, "I appreciate your persistence in being a good hostess but I REALLY don't want a drink!"

[deucemagnet]

192. Because declining refreshments is acceptable,

but rejecting hospitality is rude. Regardless of what the OP "deems acceptable", he should conform to the conventions of polite society when invited to a party.

The moral of this story: iconoclasts make poor party guests.

BTW, funny thread! :rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

196. It could be a martyrdom complex

See, I am at this party with you, my lovely wife, but I refuse to enjoy myself!

[OhioBlue]

182. Are you James Carville?

because then... it would make sense.

[targetpractice]

183. Brilliant! n/t

[tinfoilinfor2005]

191. I agree. James could certainly be excused for saying to his

"lovely" (cough cough) wife's friends, "I don't drink with you."

Sadly for the OP, James would never behave in this manner, even to a group of bushbots. For all his faults, he is a gentleman.

[senseandsensibility]

194. Good one!

Alas, I don't think James is as uncomfortable at his wife's parties as we would be.

[faithnotgreed]

195. it would be one of my lifes regrets to have missed this thread

and now - i think for the very first time - i will respond with

LOL


this thread is hysterical in a might magazine kind of way

[progmom]

205. isn't it though?

did you see this one, btw? http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=5333066&mesg_id=5333066

[faithnotgreed]

215. ohno yoko

its too early for me to laugh that hard again
and to think - i was listening to "since you asked" by judy collins

swear

[progmom]

219. what i'll give you, since you asked....

...is all my time together

i LOVE that song! :bounce:

[faithnotgreed]

220. take the rugged sunny days

the warm and rocky weather



my GOD it is all powerful

now its albatross
its a beautiful rainy day here so this is just perfect

[LostinVA]

240. Best copycat thread of ALL TIME

[Richard Steele]

198. RGB, have you ever been tested for AUTISM or its variants?

I ask because the way you just keep repeating "it wouldn't be appropriate"
just SCREAMS "autistic" to me. And I know whereof I speak.

It sounds EXACTLY like the kind of thing I would decide to myself,
and then stubbornly repeat without offering any valid rationale.

[faithnotgreed]

217. i must admit that was among my first thoughts too

but then i got laughing at everyones responses

i really did wonder about an autism spectrum possibility
in fact i would imagine anyone who has any experience with this would think it as well

on edit: this shouldnt be funny

[DrGonzoLives]

201. The sweet smell of flamebait...

Confirmed based on reading through this thread. You just wanted to start an argument, didn't you?

You could have been polite and said you weren't thirsty.

[Name removed]

203. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[tjwmason]

208. Is this still going?

I'm starting to wonder if it's about to turn into the next "kudzu" thread. :eyes:

[DrGonzoLives]

218. I'm bullish on Not Drinking With You

It's going places!

[myrna minx]

209. This thread is hilarious!

:rofl:

[Haole Girl]

213. I know....especially this:

:rofl:

[myrna minx]

214. LOL!

:spray: I'm grateful to have read the "hit and run" thread too. :rofl: I especially love the exchanges between A-S and the OP. :rofl:

[Misunderestimator]

221. RGBolen... please post again to this thread. I need more material.

:bounce:

[RB TexLa]

224. I'm sure you can insult and degrade me without my helping you do so

[Misunderestimator]

226. Thanks!!

:bounce:

[LostinVA]

241. She is a master!

[EstimatedProphet]

222. This is one of the goofiest things I have ever read

Is it possible that someone could be so socially inept? Here we have a post from someone who doesn't appear to be mentally deficient (judging from the use of English), but claims to be so socially retarded that he thinks it is appropriate he should accompany his wife to a party (which he was invited to-the invitation was for her and a guest, according to posts in the thread) and stand in a closet the whole time.

I really can't take this seriously. Don't tell me-you did eventually take a drink, and then made a point to pour it on the floor in front of the hostess, then threw the glass down in disgust, and you still can't understand why she was insulted, right? Then you slapped her and cursed at her, and STILL she was insulted? Who could possibly understand why?

[patcox2]

223. Let me guess, you work in IT?

NT

[RB TexLa]

225. no

[tjwmason]

243. That has to be the best response yet.

:rofl:

[AngryAmish]

228. Trust me, drinking in those situations is best

I love this thread!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

231. Can your kudzu thread do THIS?

I THOUGHT not!

[Swamp Rat]

232. It was a very rude and condescending remark.

But it worked. :shrug:

[Redstone]

234. Guys, guys, guys. Can't you tell when your chain is being yanked?

I'm pretty oblivious in general, but it's clear to me.

I doubt this even happened. But he sure got a rise out of everyone, didn't he?

Redstone

[titoresque]

235. My mother works at a nut house

She describes people like this all the time. They crave attention so badly they make up stupid shit for conversation. It's actually pretty sad.

[Redstone]

236. Works, though, doesn't it? Made quite a lengthy conversation,

after all.

Redstone

[titoresque]

237. True, but I

honestly feel sorry for people who have to deal with this personality type in an intimate situation. It's got to be tiresome!
It seems to me that the weird passive agressive behavior would come into play as well.

[Redstone]

238. I'm inclined to believe you're right, given the obstinate and extremely

repetitive "defensive" posts. Kind of like what an eight-year-old kid does when he wants to irritate his parents. At least my kids did it at that age.

Edited for a typo and to say I'm outa this thread. I'd rather let it die a merciful (for the rest of us) death than help keep it going.

Redstone

[DrGonzoLives]

244. There was a guy on DU once

Named jiacinto, who used to do this - post something sure to generate insults, then act hurt when the insults arrived.

I wonder...

[Haole Girl]

242. So, RGBolen, were you pulling our legs... or was this for real?

Just curious.