Dolts and Baseball
by Warren Pease
Like most knee-jerk lefties, I cringe and cackle every time
some doofus school board in some really important place like
West Cretinsburg, Tenn. decides to give the Bible and Darwin
But then again, when you consider that in a little more than
200 years our political leadership has degenerated from George
Washington to George W. Bush, the concept of evolution becomes
somewhat difficult to defend.
There was a time, just a couple of months ago, when we had
the luxury of allowing fools, ideologues and nitwits to run
our government. We told ourselves that they couldn't screw
things up so thoroughly as to be beyond recovery in the next
election cycle. So an endless stream of mediocrities came
before us every four years - sucking obscene amounts of corporate
money while feigning an interest in the peoples' business.
A dwindling percentage of the electorate ratified one of them
and we all went about our lives much as before.
We had the luxury of really believing that it's just the
economy, stupid. And for the most part, it was. We could afford
the myopia of voting our pocket books because nothing else
really mattered all that much. The US ran the planet and the
worst thing its citizens had to endure was the occasional
mild recession followed by a bull market that enriched all
but the poorest 25 percent, and Reagan taught us to stop caring
about them way back in the early '80s.
I think we lost the cushion on September 11. We now need
to pay attention and learn quickly. We're in desperate need
of smart, innovative people to run the show and we're stuck
with a cast of predictable dim bulbs, Reagan/Bush I retreads
and reflexive cold warriors. I can't imagine a situation that
calls more urgently for leaders to shelve the ideology that
substitutes for thought, and I can't imagine an administration
less willing or able to do so.
The fact is, whether anyone cares to admit it or not, Bush
the Younger was an inflexible nitwit on September 10 and he
remains one today. How anyone can emerge from both Harvard
and Yale without any perceptible effect is astonishing, but
the evidence is manifest. This intellectually lazy, incurious,
verbally challenged incompetent ranks far below even the abysmal
benchmark of contemporary American political standards.
Watch in horror as the Muppet-in-Chief blends mangled syntax,
simplistic moral absolutes and historical hogwash into a cheap,
pre-fab, Kindergartenish world view. "This is an evil man
we're dealing with and I wouldn't put it past him to develop
evil weapons to try to harm civilization as we know it," he
said of Osama bin Laden after a November 6 meeting with French
president Jacques Chirac.
This from the unelected leader of the only country on the
planet that has actually used nuclear weapons; that has stockpiled
some of the more exotic and deadly biological and chemical
agents on the lame pretext that it's using them to develop
counteragents and vaccines; that has no apparent qualms about
killing and maiming civilian populations in pursuit of its
military and economic objectives; and is steadfast in its
opposition to treaties limiting nuclear weapons proliferation,
banning land mines, and ameliorating the effects of fossil
fuels on the global climate.
Harming civilization as we know it, indeed. Bush's mere presence
on the world stage is an affront to civilized people everywhere.
During the 2000 campaign, somebody wrote that Bush was so
stunningly incompetent that he could tank the economy and
get the country involved in a war within his first year in
As I watched him butcher the simplest sentences, gaze slack-jawed
as questions arose for which he had no memorized answers,
mouth the simple pieties that replace critical thinking in
chronic underachievers... even after watching months of this
truly stupid, irrelevant man at his witless worst, I didn't
really believe anyone could be dumb or disengaged enough to
dismantle a bull market and prosecute an unwinnable war. Silly
Fortunately for the Adolescent-in-Chief, he has the American
mainstream media shilling and deflecting criticism in a near-universal
love feast that would embarrass the most world-weary harlot.
Recently, Chris Matthews - when he was able to tear himself
away from fondling Karl Rove's thigh long enough to write
a column - gushed about the Sportsman-in-Chief's ceremonial
first pitch at the World Series:
"There are some things you can't fake. Either you can throw
a strike from 60 feet or you can't. Either you can rise to
the occasion on the mound at Yankee Stadium with 56,000 people
watching or you can't.
"On Tuesday night, George W. Bush hit the strike zone in
the House that Ruth Built...
"This is about knowing what to do at the moment you have
to do it - and then doing it. It's about that "grace under
pressure" that Hemingway gave as his very definition of courage."
So this is the yardstick by which we now measure our heroes:
Above all, they need to be able to throw strikes in front
of a packed house and a national TV audience. By that standard,
let's put Randy Johnson, Curt Schilling, Mariano Rivera or
Roger Clemens in the White House, maybe even Byung-Hyun Kim.
Even though Kim's not a citizen, I'll happily take a Korean
with a live arm over a Texan with a dead brain.
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