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Al, About '04...
July 20, 2001
by birdman

Al, I suppose Iím not your favorite kind if Democrat in that I worked for Bradley last year and in fact at the first Bradley meeting I attended in 1999 they asked everyone to say who they were and why they were there. When they got to me I said that I was there because I had always liked Bradley but mostly because I wanted the Democrats to hold the White House and I was convinced that Al Gore was a stone cold loser. Now , of course, I voted for you and was as disappointed as anyone with the results of the election. Iím as angry with old five-to-four as anyone. But now I hear that you are ready to reenter the arena with an eye toward 2004.

There's a feeling among many that you got screwed out your rightful place in the White House by a criminal enterprise and therefore, the reasoning goes, you should get another shot at it. Sorry, Al, but that's a crock. You almost certainly did get screwed and you'd be a much better president than the clown in the White House but you coughed up a sure thing. If anything you owe the people here at DU and millions of others an apology for losing to a guy with a pair of fours while you were sitting with a full house.

Let's think back, now. Was it entirely necessary to show up at the first debate huffing and puffing and snorting and acting like the third grader whose always has his hand up to impress the teacher? The sad part is that Bush performed so badly that night. He acted terrified, blinking wildly and fishing frantically for the canned answers that he had memorized. He looked like he was in way over his head, exactly the image you wanted the public to come away from that debate with. But all anybody remembered was you (snort, snort).

Remember the tenant in the dump, Tracy Mayberry, Al? You should. In fact you should have remembered her well before last years campaign. How much would it have cost to fix the womanís place up in, say, 1998 so that you didnít hand the Republicans an issue that they could gleefully exploit for a few days and portray you as out of touch with ordinary people? You had eight years to get ready and you couldnít tuck this particular part of your shirttail in?

Do you lay awake nights thinking of ways to make yourself look ridiculous? Love Story? Hello. Even if it was true (and apparently according to Eric Segal it's not) who the hell would ever want to compare themselves to that insufferable snot-nosed hockey playing rich kid ?

Naomi Wolf ? The Alpha-male? The earth tones? All things that enable conservatives to portray liberals as space cadets who are out of touch with reality. Were you making these decisions? If so, what the hell were you thinking about? If not, why werenít you in charge?

The Internet? Maybe you didn't word that statement properly and certainly the reaction to it was overblown, but it was a veritable windfall for the opposition. Do you think all the people who worked so hard and were so disappointed this time should have to worry in 2004 that you're going to make this kind of gaffe again?

The release of water into the drought-stricken river for a canoe photo-op. Anybody home there, Mr. Environment?

The crotch shot on the cover of Rolling Stone? Give me strength.

Yeah. They cheated you in Florida, Al. And they had their buddies in the Supreme Court settle the issue for them. And Clinton should have kept his shwontz in his pants and his cigars in his humidor and those damn fifty year old hippies should have voted for you instead of the consumer lawyer.

But it should have never been that close. You blew it. And no, you don't deserve another chance.


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