Ritemore Bull on
the Liberal Media
March 31, 2001
by Art Bushwald
There has been so much said about the "liberal media" recently
that I decided to a pay a visit to one of my media friends
to get his thoughts on this topic. The friend I met was Ritemore
Bull, the news editor of the Daily Double-Standard, a hometown
newspaper that is operated by Newsco Incorporated, a wholly
owned subsidiary of Slash-and-Burn Publishing Corporation,
which was recently bought out by Megalomaniac Media Moguls
Worldwide. Following is the interview I conducted with him.
Art: How's the news business these days? Is the media really
as liberal as they say it is?
Bull: Darn right. Just like Peter Jennings, I'm always struck
by the fact that there are not enough conservative voices in the mainstream
media. And I think that's unfortunate.
Art: How so?
Bull: Take Clinton, for example. With all those scandals of his,
the media never did have the guts to pin anything down on him. And that
despite the fact nearly every day, the Reverend Moon's people over at
the god-fearing Washington Times were duly cranking out juicy bits of
gossip and innuendo about him. But they'll keep at it, and get him eventually.
Art: No doubt they will. It's like that old adage about giving
an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters for an
infinite number of years...
Bull: Exactly. But that's not all. The liberal media has been
shockingly silent about other bad things Clinton did in his official capacity
Art: Like what?
Bull: For one thing, Clinton wasted too much time trying to help
women, workers, minorities, little kids, and the lower classes. For example,
he had the audacity to get the minimum wage raised by more than a buck
an hour. Did anyone in the liberal press have the mettle to point out
the folly with that misguided policy? Thank goodness that when he was
governor, Bush at least realized there wasn't any merit to raising the
minimum wage in Texas to even the four-dollar level.
Art: I can see your point. No telling what might happen if
the people at the bottom of the economic ladder in Texas were given a
Bull: Here's another thing. Clinton was busy working for peace
in other countries -- Northern Ireland, Kosovo, Israel, Korea, wherever,
right up to his last day in office. Yet the liberal media was strangely
quiet about this. But if a Republican had been doing that, why, the media
would have had a field day addling him about it, because no self-respecting
Republican would ever work for world peace -- it would be bad for the
US defense industry. And then there was the fact that too many people
in Clinton's Cabinet were acting like they were actually working in public
service or something. But did the wimpy liberal media report that? Noooooooo.
Oh, it makes my blood boil just to think about it. Interior Secretary
Babbitt was one of the worst offenders. He actually seemed to believe
that being given stewardship of public lands meant that he actually had
to look after the lands for the public! Can you believe that?
Art: These days, it is rather difficult to believe.
Bull: Just like that pesky Teddy Roosevelt a century ago. Did
you know that a group of honest businessmen, wanting to make an honest
dollar, were planning to build a tramway across the Grand Canyon? But
did Roosevelt let them? Hah! Even though he claimed to be a Republican,
he had to go and act like a dadblasted Democrat and turn that public land
into a national park! Thank goodness that few Republican presidents since
him have made that same mistake.
Art: The Republicans are known for their love of business,
but the national park business isn't one of them...
Bull: Anyway, getting back to the kid glove treatment of Clinton,
another one of the things that really bugged me was how almost no one
in the media except Rush took Clinton to task about his phony 'I feel
your pain' schtick.
Art: Um, yeah. How could anyone like Clinton, whose father
died before he was born, who grew up dirt-poor in a small southern town,
and who had to work for everything he got, possibly know anything about
Bull: Precisely. Now on the flip side, there's Dubya. He was born
in a privileged family, his daddy got him through Yale and Harvard without
him having to learn proper English, he spent much of his adult life partying
and even got arrested for DWI, he engaged in some insider trading while
his daddy was president, and he never worked at a really difficult job
in his life. Yet during the campaign, there were actually a couple of
liberal reporters that had the gall to question his qualifications for
president! I mean, the man had been governor of Texas for nearly six whole
years! He had to deal with a friendly legislature every two years! How
many more qualifications do you need than that?
Art: I'd be hard pressed to think of a long list right off-hand...
Bull: And now here's what's really sticking in my craw. In just
the two months since he entered the Oval Office, Dubya has angered just
about every one of our allies, stuck his nose up at women's and workers'
rights, given his middle finger to the environment, proposed funding cuts
for kids' programs, and bad-mouthed the economy to push his tax cut for
himself and his rich friends. And despite all these successes, some impertinent
media types are claiming that he's unfit for the job. I mean, sheesh!
That's what a president's supposed to do! But Dubya'll show them! He's
said no more press conferences, at least until they stop asking those
liberal trick questions, like 'What's your policy on minorities?' or 'What
do you intend to do about Macedonia?' If the liberal press wants to talk
to talk with him in the future, they're going to have to go back to substantive
questions like 'How many ways did you restore honor and dignity to the
White House today?' and 'Mr. President, what kind of cute nickname can
you give me?'
Art: Thank you for your time, Mr. Bull