The DU Lounge
In reply to the discussion: how old were you when you forgave your parents? [View all]Marthe48
(16,963 posts)I just turned 64 and I still find insights into why my parents were the way they were. They both brought dysfunction into their marriage, which ended up tearing them apart and not helping us kids any. They had more to bear than most parents do--their first children were twin boys born prematurely, and one lived only 9 hours. My other oldest brother died when he was 16, killed in a car accident along with my aunt. My parents had no chance to mourn, well, none of us did. Within a month, my Dad's dog died and a month after that, my younger brother was diagnosed Legg Perthys disease. He spent over 2 years in the children's hospital and another 29 months in traction at home and then more time in a leg brace. Less than 2 years after my brother's diagnosis, my sister was diagnosed with scoliosis. She had to have spinal surgery and spent 6 weeks in the hospital and 6 months in a body cast at home and 9 months in a walking cast after that. So between loss and financial ruin, their relationship and marriage failed, although they stayed in their hell together for 9 years. You know how kids usually try to get their parents to stay together? Well, we 4 surviving kids were begging them to split up. And they did. I think their separation and divorce helped some of us. I've wished since then we kids hadn't influenced their choices. But it was harrowing to live through that much disaster and it has taken years to understand how their losses -- our losses -- were overwhelming for Mom and Dad both. I overwhelmingly love them, and I hope they found peace in their final rest.