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Xithras

(16,191 posts)
19. Adopting in the U.S. can be difficult and expensive.
Sun Dec 30, 2012, 01:10 AM
Dec 2012

Private adoption agencies tend to discriminate heavily based on race, religion, and other factors. Public foster care systems have an inordinate number of "special needs" children (85%, based on one estimate I recently saw), many of the remaining children are from multi-child placements with an all-or-nothing requirement, a huge percentage are minority children and are saddled with limits as to who can adopt them and where they can live, and most states prefer that you foster the child(ren) for up to three years and shepherd them through the exhausting rights termination process with their biological parents. Oh, and then you often have to deal with years of state mandated therapy and counseling, whether or not you want or need it.

Most people just want to adopt a child and be done with it. Between the "good intentions" of the state run systems, and the blatant profiteering that occurs with private adoptions, adopting kids in the U.S. has become a huge pain in the arse. THAT is why so many Americans choose to go overseas. It's still expensive, but you can get it done in a fraction of the time and with half the headaches (and heartaches).

My wife and I have spent the past two years trying to adopt a kid. We tried state adoptions first, but quickly gave up on the bureaucratic mess that is the California adoption system. We then spent 18 months trying to adopt privately, and gave up after our third near-adoption was yanked from us (another couple flat-out bought the mothers family off). We've been working with an agency to arrange an adoption from Eastern Europe recently, but were told by the agency, just last week, that the Russian adoption cutoff is going to push a lot of prospective parents to the other Eastern European countries and will make adopting from there far more difficult than it already is. We're pretty much ready to give up on the whole thing at this point.

The only one to suffer will be the kids.... Historic NY Dec 2012 #1
This is unfortunate for children. kitt6 Dec 2012 #2
It's easy to think about the children and ignore the bigger picture. Piazza Riforma Dec 2012 #6
That is the media meme being put forth. go west young man Dec 2012 #9
Bad news for Angelina Jolie rury Dec 2012 #3
Not very funny get the red out Dec 2012 #5
I wonder if American men can still get those mail order Russian brides... undeterred Dec 2012 #4
There are a lot of families that have been biding their time waiting, and paying fees and hoping AtheistCrusader Dec 2012 #10
Are there no American children to adopt that one must look to foreign countries to adopt? Purveyor Dec 2012 #7
This message was self-deleted by its author flash514c Dec 2012 #8
There are, but there are advantages to intl adoption. AtheistCrusader Dec 2012 #11
How is that an advantage? undeterred Dec 2012 #12
Nobody wants to raise a kid for 2 years, and then have what was a 'done deal' adoption go awry AtheistCrusader Dec 2012 #17
Traditionally in the U.S. haven't most available adoptees been black? Racist America, home of valerief Dec 2012 #13
actually, a lot of U.S. adoption agencies won't let you adopt WilmywoodNCparalegal Dec 2012 #14
We were asked repeatedly to certify that our child wasn't of Native American heritage as part of the AtheistCrusader Dec 2012 #18
Adopting in the U.S. can be difficult and expensive. Xithras Dec 2012 #19
I am sure people would be adopting american children if US didn't make it so difficult to adopt them LisaL Dec 2012 #22
This is something I know nothing about, obviously...but I'm learning. eom Purveyor Dec 2012 #24
They are doing US a favor.. sendero Dec 2012 #15
I don't understand... tavernier Dec 2012 #16
Russian kids have an extraordinarily high rate of FAS Xithras Dec 2012 #20
Thank you for the link. tavernier Dec 2012 #21
Not all of the children have FAS. And even if they do, I really doubt they are better off LisaL Dec 2012 #23
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