You just don't GET IT. It's not surprising ... so few do. So, let me try to make it clearer.
I DON'T want "credit" or an "attaboy" or to be treated as some kind of "hero." Never did. Never will.
I don't know any (real) Viet Nam Vet who looks at it that way. It's hard to feel "heroic" when so much of the time in Nam was infuriating Mickey Mose nonsense and utter boredom, punctuated by short times of pants-pissing terror that the incoming is gonna blow you up or leave you without an arm or a leg. I don't know ANYONE I was with that felt particularly "heroic" or "brave." No fucking way. Every damned swinging dick was focused on one thing: counting down their own 365 and getting the fuck out of there. I don't know a single swinging dick that didn't envy guys like you ... or guys that managed to avoid the draft altogether. Even Jody. Everyone did it differently ... but nobody I ever knew was eager for medals or pats on the back. (Least of all... medals.)
That's the WHOLE POINT. It was a matter of survival ... and getting back to the real world.
All I EVER wanted was for my wife, family and friends to be glad I got back alive and in one piece.
The "welcome" I wanted wasn't a parade for "heroes" ... just relief and some expression of love.
Instead, it was a kick in the teeth. That's ESPECIALLY difficult to deal with when, as often happens, I felt some degree of "survivor's guilt." You see, we all went to Nam alone. And we came back alone. In between, we made friends that became closer than we'd ever had. We didn't fuck with each other. Long nights standing guard on some bunker line ... we talked. We shared parts of ourselves we'd never trusted anyone with before. We got drunk together. We trusted each other. Leaving Nam to go back to the world felt like abandoning friends.
For what? Just to survive. That's all.
Then we see all the "Rambos" ... guys claiming some kind of credit that it never even occurred to me to want. There are so fucking many of them that everyone misses the fucking point! Other people form their impressions MOSTLY from such frauds ... and the movies. It, Just. Ain't. That. Way.
For you to equate my annoyance to some "dishonor" for YOUR service is just nuts.
But there's a DIFFERENCE between surviving ... counting down 365 days and hoping you didn't get killed or (worse) maimed for life ... scared ... and doing your time stateside. A BIG difference. It's a difference tht can't be described. No matter how much you THINK maybe you "get it" from what I've said ... you don't.
= new reply since forum marked as read
