WH Distances Itself from WH [View all]
In light of the recent indictments of Paul Manafort, Richard Gates, and George Papadopoulos, Sarah “The Huckster” Sanders announced today that Trump does not know anyone who currently works for him, anyone who worked on his campaign, or anyone he has ever met – in fact, he doesn’t know anyone at all.
Effective immediately, Cabinet members, advisors, and presidential appointees will now be known as “coffee boys”, “low-level volunteers”, and “absolute strangers” – all downgrades from their previous titles of “excellent guy”, “one of the very best people”, and “long-time close friend”.
Those in Trump’s inner circle will now be identified as “Who’s That?”, “What’s-his-name”, and/or “Never heard of him”. Claiming to have known Trump at any point in his life will now be an offence punishable by stiff fines and imprisonment.
When asked if this edict will affect Trump family members currently working in the WH, Sanders replied that she doesn’t know if Trump has any family, having not specifically discussed that topic with the pResident – because he no longer knows her either.
In addition, with regard to women who have accused Trump of sexual assault, Sanders pointed out that the pResident has now instituted what he calls “The Peter Principle” (a term he claims to have originated), whereby he has the right to deny any such allegations three times before his cock grows.
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