Father's Day reflection from a daughter of domestic abuse [View all]

[HockeyMom]

My Dad was an alcoholic, gambler, and abused my Mom. As she said, he came back from the War a changed man. Back in the glory days of the 50s, Vets were not given counseling. Divorce was frowned upon, and staying together "for the sake of kids" was the norm. Women had very few options in those days. I cannot believe the people who are now saying that a married man and woman are the best possible home life for children. If you are a single Mom, whether you are unmarried, divorced, or widowed, you children will grow up to be law breakers, unwed sluts, etc. No single Moms or Gay couples can raise children, they saw. Well, that just depends on the individual people. One size does not fit all.

When I was 10 years old, my Dad tried to strangle my Mom in a drunken fit. He had her on the floor. Mom was turning blue. No time for me to call 9/11. I grabbed a kitchen knife, put it to his back, telling him I would kill him if he didn't let her go. He got up, looked at me, and ran out of the house. Mom refused to press charges against him, although all the family said she should. Dad never hit her after that. However, he continued the drinking and gambling. They just went their separate ways while living in the same house. They did not talk to each other from that day on. So much for a child being in a home with a biological mother and father. Yeah, IF they are LOVING.

When I married and had a child of my own, Dad wanted to come to my home to see his Grand-Daughter. I laid down the law to him. Yes, you can, BUT do not set foot in my home, in front of my daughter, DRUNK. If you do that, you will never see either her, or me, ever again. While Dad didn't visit much, he was cold, stone, sober at my home.

Dad went rapidly downhill from his drinking. At the age of 62, he was hospitalized, and asked to see me. I went, although my husband said I shouldn't. As he was dying, Dad took my hand and said, "Please forgive a dying man for doing what I did to you, and making your childhood miserable". "I know I have never said this, but I do love you." "I am very, very sorry". We both started crying. Yes, I forgave him. He may have been a sick man, but deep down he was not an evil man.

I am now older than Dad was when he passed away. I harbor no hatred toward him. I feel very sad that things could not have been better for our lives together. Please try to work things out when your parents are alive. Don't let old hatreds haunt the rest of your life. Don't let them go to their graves without forgiveness.

Happy Fathers Dad to all the DU Dads. Love is what counts, whether you are single, married, divorced, or gay Dads.