Where to Begin - When Something So Special Has Ended? [View all]

[NanceGreggs]

I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for my beloved JeffR, and the good wishes expressed by all towards myself and our family.

Jeff’s illness was short-lived. It began with a backache in January, which persisted and worsened. I finally convinced him to attend at an ER at the end of March for tests. The backache turned out to be a malignant tumour on his kidneys. The cancer was particularly aggressive, and spread quickly – inoperable and incurable.

In the seven weeks from diagnosis to his passing, we spent our last days together watching our favourite TV shows, catching up on new movies, discussing politics – and, of course, talking and laughing. We stayed focused on the fact that although our time together was coming to an end, we were grateful for the twenty-two years we’d shared in the kind of loving relationship some people never experience for even a single day of their lives.

Typical of Jeff, even some of our closest friends were not told of his condition – because he didn’t “want to be a bother” to anyone. “They have better things to do than worry about me.”

Jeff was a skilled writer, an exceptional musician/composer, a gifted photographer – but his greatest talent was his ability to make people laugh, and his appreciation of those who made others laugh knew no bounds.

It was that admiration that led to his creation of the DUzy Awards. He felt that there were so many truly witty people here on DU, they should be recognized for their ability to find the laughter lurking behind the often ludicrous mayhem that is our political system. Putting the DUzies together each week took time and effort – but it was a labour of love. There were countless times he had to step away from the computer to compose himself, because he was laughing too hard to see straight. So a heartfelt thanks to all of you who brought so much laughter into his life.

When Jeff was hospitalized in his final days, too weak to use a computer, he would invariably ask: “So what’s the outrage-de-jour on DU?” I would then recount the funniest posts of the day, to which he would respond, “Well, there’s a DUzy!”

I am particularly grateful to my dear friend DFW for sharing our sad news with our DU friends: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1018&pid=763119

To Manny Goldstein for recognizing that Jeff was “a person who could dislike a person's thoughts, but not dislike the person behind it” – a concept that too many of us fail to grasp and embrace.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026714394

When I was alerted to both of the above posts, I could hear Jeff saying: “Oh, so now I make it to the top of the Greatest Page? Hmmm …”

Also to Solly Mack for her tribute to Jeff’s contribution to the Photography Group:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/103642826

And to NYC-SCP for initiating Jeff’s inclusion on DU’s “In Memoriam” Page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10026716287

And to Skinner, who commuted my “time out” sentence to “time served”, so that I could post this message.

I would ask your indulgence as I digress here to say something I know Jeff would want me to share …

When Jeff’s condition was known to be terminal, his doctors cautiously broached the subject of parts of his body being used for cancer research purposes after death. They hadn’t even finished the sentence before Jeff said, “Duh! Of course! Talk about your classic no-brainer!”

When I signed the consent forms after Jeff’s passing, I was thanked profusely by the medical team who put this particular cancer research project in place. They explained that so few people are willing to make this type of donation.

Should you ever find yourself in a position to consent to such a donation on behalf of a deceased loved one, I would urge you to think about what might be learned, what might be gained, what might lead to a break-through in treating cancer – or hopefully curing it, somewhere down the line.

Jeff’s final words on the topic were, “If it can help just one person, isn’t that incentive enough?”

He was the love of my life, my beshert, my best bud, my true companion, my partner-in-crime, my Knight in Shining Armour, and everything else one can ever hope to find in this life.

I thank you all again for your kindness, and for putting aside political considerations in order to express appreciation for a man whose positions you might not have agreed with, but who you respected nonetheless.

--- Nance