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KamaAina

(78,249 posts)
Thu Oct 23, 2014, 12:45 PM Oct 2014

Kids from poorer neighborhoods keep coming to trick-or-treat in mine. Do I have to give them candy? [View all]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/10/dear_prudence_on_halloween_poor_kids_come_to_trick_or_treat_in_my_neighborhood.html

Dear Prudence,
I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets—mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

—Halloween for the 99 Percent

Dear 99,
In the urban neighborhood where I used to live, families who were not from the immediate area would come in fairly large groups to trick-or-treat on our streets, which were safe, well-lit, and full of people overstocked with candy. It was delightful to see the little mermaids, spider-men, ghosts, and the occasional axe murderer excitedly run up and down our front steps, having the time of their lives. So we’d spend an extra $20 to make sure we had enough candy for kids who weren’t as fortunate as ours. There you are, 99, on the impoverished side of Greenwich or Beverly Hills, with the other struggling lawyers, doctors, and business owners. Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real pitchforks. Stop being callous and miserly and go to Costco, you cheapskate, and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to marvel at how the 1 percent live.

—Prudie



218 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Teabagger Feral Child Oct 2014 #1
Who can't afford a gated community. n/t Orsino Oct 2014 #12
But, thinks she's Feral Child Oct 2014 #129
That's what I wondered. Upper-middle class professionals might live in maddiemom Oct 2014 #186
Meant response to Orsino (gated communities?) maddiemom Oct 2014 #187
Living "modestly." Fantastic Anarchist Oct 2014 #95
I wish we got trick or treat visitors fasttense Oct 2014 #133
we always buy a lot of candy... awoke_in_2003 Oct 2014 #158
Me too. I hate having candy around because I don't want to be tempted, but always buy hlthe2b Oct 2014 #201
We get no one in our neighborhood, which is rural, so phylny Oct 2014 #173
Yeah, and what selfish a hole. nt brush Oct 2014 #181
Oh, probably generous enough Feral Child Oct 2014 #217
Unbelievable. theHandpuppet Oct 2014 #2
That seems to be happening pscot Oct 2014 #28
Geeze. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #3
I think we're being too harsh on her, and we LOVED the traffic coming to the densely packed Hortensis Oct 2014 #134
We had a very active 'churchy' couple a few doors down Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #136
Wow. We need more of this. Very nice. kysrsoze Oct 2014 #215
Some parents do encourage their children in greed--even for candy Wella Oct 2014 #159
Hogwash. Tommymac Oct 2014 #190
We have more barns than houses. We always drive in to town. tecelote Oct 2014 #193
That's such hogwash Dorian Gray Oct 2014 #197
WTF??!! This is a free country and those babies and bigger kids should be welcome Ecumenist Oct 2014 #200
What if the kids lives out in the country? IrishEyes Oct 2014 #206
"A local walk around"??? Where I grew up, the nearest neighbor was a mile away. I"m sure 1monster Oct 2014 #208
There are seven houses in my subdivision Papagoose Oct 2014 #213
+ 45 billion Caretha Oct 2014 #169
You wonder about the sort of person who would write that e-mail el_bryanto Oct 2014 #4
The kind of person who thinks living in a high income area frees them from seeing *those people* Gormy Cuss Oct 2014 #10
There's the rub .... Fantastic Anarchist Oct 2014 #97
No one wrote the email. former9thward Oct 2014 #11
Lol. Never met an Ayn Rand fan? Hassin Bin Sober Oct 2014 #18
What You Say?? Sparhawk60 Oct 2014 #49
That's what it looked like to me too. Although I assumed it was written to seem ironic. eom Blanks Oct 2014 #52
Bingo. REP Oct 2014 #69
I've heard lots of people say it creeksneakers2 Oct 2014 #75
Can't speak for this particular email, but Tree-Hugger Oct 2014 #94
What is your evidence for that assertion? nt el_bryanto Oct 2014 #111
Knowledge and common sense. former9thward Oct 2014 #123
Ah - so no actual evidence? el_bryanto Oct 2014 #127
I did not know this was a court of law. former9thward Oct 2014 #135
I simply asked for your evidence - and you said you didn't need any. nt el_bryanto Oct 2014 #157
Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #152
I've heard people say the exact same thing gollygee Oct 2014 #163
I know people say those things. former9thward Oct 2014 #171
And on cue.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Oct 2014 #176
The majority of posters on this thread agree with me. former9thward Oct 2014 #191
I think you're right, actually. Warren DeMontague Oct 2014 #180
yeah like this never happens. I hope kids miss your house roguevalley Oct 2014 #212
I'm not saying it never happens. Warren DeMontague Oct 2014 #218
I suspect the person that wrote the email is the same person that answered it. n/t A Simple Game Oct 2014 #118
On what do you base that suspicion? nt el_bryanto Oct 2014 #120
Just a hunch. I have a hard time thinking that anyone would look to an outsider A Simple Game Oct 2014 #130
Sounds like a fake letter REP Oct 2014 #5
sounds like? heaven05 Oct 2014 #34
The latter. eom. 1StrongBlackMan Oct 2014 #104
It may be faked. But I heard a sister-in-law say almost exactly the same thing. tclambert Oct 2014 #59
The concept of property has brought out the worst in the human race. CrispyQ Oct 2014 #82
So does greed: even for candy. Wella Oct 2014 #160
+1 nt MADem Oct 2014 #63
it sure does Liberal_in_LA Oct 2014 #96
No, they don't. gollygee Oct 2014 #164
It could be fake Shankapotomus Oct 2014 #198
We get kids brought in from poorer neighborhoods, and I give them MORE candy. djean111 Oct 2014 #6
You exemplify the generosity of our dying middle class SleeplessinSoCal Oct 2014 #21
We get a lot of migrant worker families - lots of tomato and strawberry farms around here. djean111 Oct 2014 #54
Thank you. Rozlee Oct 2014 #110
I always thought kids were shuffled around to AtomicKitten Oct 2014 #7
happens to me every year. i did a spit take the first time kids came up to the door and the parents dionysus Oct 2014 #27
I have the older ones sing me a song. They are usually in a group so I pick something like shraby Oct 2014 #48
This is a great idea! AllyCat Oct 2014 #210
We've had some good older ones come by over the years. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #138
sweet. dionysus Oct 2014 #146
Has always bugged me, too. Laffy Kat Oct 2014 #153
one little kid came as a fork.. tin foil from head to toe. dionysus Oct 2014 #155
Really? All kids coming to our door hopefully go away with nice memories and some good treats. Hortensis Oct 2014 #203
You're obviously a nicer person than I am. nt Laffy Kat Oct 2014 #205
I really enjoy the crowds of kids n2doc Oct 2014 #8
I do, too. Halloween used to be big business in this neighborhood. TONS of kids calimary Oct 2014 #55
prolly a lie, to boot. mopinko Oct 2014 #9
right heaven05 Oct 2014 #36
I suspect the first letter is made-up. MineralMan Oct 2014 #13
I agree it's fake. The tagline gives it away. (nt) enough Oct 2014 #16
The writer signed a real name and the columnist changed it to "Halloween for the 99 percent" NT Eric J in MN Oct 2014 #60
I agree, it sounds like a setup. hughee99 Oct 2014 #17
I also agree. People who really feel that way spooky3 Oct 2014 #56
I dunno, I've seen a lot of letters that were outrageous to Miss Manners.... moriah Oct 2014 #81
Miss Manners is my hero. Truly. MineralMan Oct 2014 #83
Nope. HERVEPA Oct 2014 #89
Maybe you're right. MineralMan Oct 2014 #92
She is kind of fun to read. HERVEPA Oct 2014 #93
Prudence's mother was Ann Landers, so Prudence is NOT in any danger of tblue37 Oct 2014 #149
Definitely fake. How the hell do you know which neighborhood trick-or-treaters are from? Nye Bevan Oct 2014 #14
I was wondering the same thing ... knightmaar Oct 2014 #15
Beyond fake. dilby Oct 2014 #23
Yes, every last kid loves to dress in a head-to-toe burqa. bullwinkle428 Oct 2014 #25
Probably car loads of kids showing up. Hassin Bin Sober Oct 2014 #33
But how do you know whether they came by car or walked? Nye Bevan Oct 2014 #44
How do I know the "car loads of kids showing up" came by car? Hassin Bin Sober Oct 2014 #88
Well, around here Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #140
It's a dog whistle demwing Oct 2014 #46
Oh no you di'int! KamaAina Oct 2014 #100
That's not me talking demwing Oct 2014 #115
Oh, I know KamaAina Oct 2014 #117
The sick thing demwing Oct 2014 #121
Well, when your neighborhood is lily-white for miles around and some face or hands reaching out No Vested Interest Oct 2014 #72
Well, if you're a rich, white racist snob theHandpuppet Oct 2014 #124
If you live in an all white neighborhood gollygee Oct 2014 #165
Fake letter linuxman Oct 2014 #19
Damn abelenkpe Oct 2014 #20
There are a LOT of people out there who don't care for Halloween, Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #141
For those insisting that this is a complete fabrication, I can personally attest bullwinkle428 Oct 2014 #22
Yes, whether this particular letter is real or not ohnoyoudidnt Oct 2014 #37
I guess these DUers never met an Ayn Rand fan. Hassin Bin Sober Oct 2014 #38
I appreciate where you are coming from but don't think an Ayn Rand would even give out candy. rhett o rick Oct 2014 #150
bingo- said or un-said... it is the attitude and has been whispered behind the scenes of fortunates tomm2thumbs Oct 2014 #86
I've heard people both complain gollygee Oct 2014 #166
I hope you banter with them, tease them a little, and give them oldandhappy Oct 2014 #24
Great post!!!!! I second this. onecent Oct 2014 #137
"Social service, charity" heaven05 Oct 2014 #26
This sort of reminds me of my sister-in-law, murielm99 Oct 2014 #29
Is this a joke? nt ladjf Oct 2014 #30
I've never heard of anyone referring to themselves as the 1% JohnnyRingo Oct 2014 #51
The letter-writer signed real name and the columnist changed it to "Halloween for the 99 percent" NT Eric J in MN Oct 2014 #61
here should be a ashling Oct 2014 #31
I'll chip in to send the Jesse White tumblers to perform. Hassin Bin Sober Oct 2014 #41
We hand out full-sized candy bars for Hallowe'en. MineralMan Oct 2014 #32
If I were nine years old again... JohnnyRingo Oct 2014 #45
We really don't get a lot of double-dippers, really. MineralMan Oct 2014 #50
Hmm I usually get the bite sized for 2 reasons - cost is one, I just assumed it was less expensive seaglass Oct 2014 #71
I ran a spreadsheet after the last time we gave out the little stuff. MineralMan Oct 2014 #73
So do we. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #142
Same here. 30 full size bars @ $18 is a good deal and the kids are thrilled. n/t MerryBlooms Oct 2014 #154
I like the way Prudie plays! Tuesday Afternoon Oct 2014 #35
No one has to hand out treats at all. JohnnyRingo Oct 2014 #39
with all the 'enablers' heaven05 Oct 2014 #40
About as authentic as "Dear Penthouse". VScott Oct 2014 #42
I doubt that many readers think her questions are legitimate. MineralMan Oct 2014 #53
Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? My taxes pay for these useful institutions. tclambert Oct 2014 #43
I actually know people like that procon Oct 2014 #47
Great response.Can you imagine being so selfish to deny a candy bar to a poor kid that gets to judesedit Oct 2014 #57
I can't JustAnotherGen Oct 2014 #62
dEAR 99 pERCENT, Turbineguy Oct 2014 #58
Whether or not the letter is real, the sentiment does exists. madamesilverspurs Oct 2014 #64
You can always turn off your front light, to indicate you're not No Vested Interest Oct 2014 #65
I did that, too. Thought everyone did Uben Oct 2014 #66
Now you're talkin! BobbyBoring Oct 2014 #87
Never did that, but... Erich Bloodaxe BSN Oct 2014 #144
If you want to send your Dentist's kid to Yale lancer78 Oct 2014 #183
My friend Lois-Ann Yamanaka writes of this in her "Heads By Harry" KamaAina Oct 2014 #103
Full Bars! progressoid Oct 2014 #112
Kids from poorer neighborhoods routinely come up to my building Recursion Oct 2014 #67
Wow... druidity33 Oct 2014 #175
this is an expressed fear of the S.O.s neighbors HereSince1628 Oct 2014 #68
Sounds fake, but ABSOLUTELY represents the thoughts of tens of millions of Americans randys1 Oct 2014 #70
see, 99--otherwise you get tricks. librechik Oct 2014 #74
75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood? SmittynMo Oct 2014 #76
Dog whistle demwing Oct 2014 #119
Are you kidding me Docross Oct 2014 #77
When our son was five d_r Oct 2014 #78
I just moved to a nice neighborhood, though nothing like what the OP describes. Maedhros Oct 2014 #79
No, you stingey, mean-spirited, resentful tight-wad vlyons Oct 2014 #80
It probably is a made up letter, but the sentiments probably are not. logosoco Oct 2014 #84
Solution: All the doctors and lawyers can send their kids a few blocks over to the billionaires cemaphonic Oct 2014 #85
Sad and Crazy erpowers Oct 2014 #90
It makes you FEEL like a terrible person, because you ARE a terrible person. n/t Fantastic Anarchist Oct 2014 #91
The 'Gated Community' Mentality RadicalGeek Oct 2014 #98
People do think this way Tree-Hugger Oct 2014 #99
WTF indeed! elleng Oct 2014 #101
We live in a very neat, lower-middle-class neighborhood. LOTS of families drive here for TOT. riqster Oct 2014 #102
The more the merrier at our house! woodsprite Oct 2014 #105
We get around 200 trick-or-treaters every Halloween. Jokerman Oct 2014 #106
'show me your papers before the snickers.' pansypoo53219 Oct 2014 #107
What a silly question. When trick or treaters come from poorer neighborhoods it is a good idea Louisiana1976 Oct 2014 #108
I live in a old 1960s subdivision surrounded by rural roads and farms in all directions. NutmegYankee Oct 2014 #109
that sounds awesome nt d_r Oct 2014 #116
That's the way it's gotten to be where I live. The rural/suburban mixture means that enough Oct 2014 #162
that is the difference between me and a repuke Skittles Oct 2014 #113
You should find out where this is KamaAina Oct 2014 #114
I know plenty of people like her Skittles Oct 2014 #122
Candy ? NM_Birder Oct 2014 #125
I have seen kids come home with a wide variety of item on Holloween. Pencils for school, apples, jwirr Oct 2014 #126
I posted a reply with the following points... brooklynite Oct 2014 #128
I live in Brooklyn too Dorian Gray Oct 2014 #199
I can sympathize with the letter and understand her frustration scarystuffyo Oct 2014 #131
We do have a sarcasm thingie KamaAina Oct 2014 #145
I don't sympathize with that whiny twerp. They have no business giving out candy. rhett o rick Oct 2014 #148
Halloween visits fell off in recent years, and I missed it. But our neighbor started doing a haunted Hekate Oct 2014 #132
a perfect example of the uselessness of guilt noiretextatique Oct 2014 #139
Face palm... blackspade Oct 2014 #143
My only expectation of the kids who ring our bell... 3catwoman3 Oct 2014 #147
They come in vans in our neighborhood packman Oct 2014 #151
while it's possible that the specific letter in the OP could be fake there really ARE JI7 Oct 2014 #156
sounds like my street ibegurpard Oct 2014 #161
Anyone here from Dallas? Y'all haven't experienced Halloween until you have seen a Swiss Hestia Oct 2014 #167
Locally LWolf Oct 2014 #168
Gawd, don't remind me of those people... ReRe Oct 2014 #170
I am kind of annoyed by the adults though... fbc Oct 2014 #172
What? NaturalHigh Oct 2014 #174
We will be shutting our door / turning our light off once it gets completely dark out. X_Digger Oct 2014 #177
Oh, me too. We welcome all the littler kids but the teens are annoying... CTyankee Oct 2014 #209
Oh the humanity! Whiniest Whine Eva'! Where's my damn Cha Oct 2014 #178
How else am I gonna get rid of all this candy? Retrograde Oct 2014 #179
People that are pretty well off are possibly the real culprits. How does she know where they are brewens Oct 2014 #182
The poor kids should be coming to your neighborhood . . . OldRedneck Oct 2014 #184
Better give 'em something - ever hear of the "flaming bag of dog poo" trick? tularetom Oct 2014 #185
Now ya done it.... Spitfire of ATJ Oct 2014 #192
Has anyone here heard a RW conservative ask for approval of their beliefs ever? IronLionZion Oct 2014 #188
Dear 99, toddwv Oct 2014 #189
I was joking with my wife that I want to pass out the candy I got as a kid Revanchist Oct 2014 #194
We tend to get a lot of kids from poorer neighborhoods.... Adrahil Oct 2014 #195
Someone threw out troll bait and caught a Purdie... ileus Oct 2014 #196
JUST PUT A SIGN IN THE YARD TNNurse Oct 2014 #202
You forgot, lonestarnot Oct 2014 #204
I don't mind it, with one caveat joeglow3 Oct 2014 #207
I bought extra candy from Walmart itsrobert Oct 2014 #211
Agree with those who think this is a fake letter oberliner Oct 2014 #214
We don't do T or T VA_Jill Oct 2014 #216
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