General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: I refuse to apologize for being male [View all]Ms. Toad
(34,069 posts)Last edited Sun Dec 29, 2013, 09:32 PM - Edit history (1)
women as gatekeepers who bestow sexual favors, and a man whose obligation it is to "make her choose"
Granted, sir pball said he would not force himself on a woman, but the description - at least twice - was not one of an equal, freely chosen, sexual relationship. And, although I do not think he consciously meant it - "make her choose" to "put out" is an express statement of force. (One of the emotional aspects of rape is that the rapist often creates a false choice - one in which he makes the survivor "choose" to "put out" because the alternative "choice" (I will do the same thing to your sister; I will kill you; etc.) is worse.)
Talking about the nature of consensual sexual relationships using the language of force, and stereotypical gatekeeper/gatecrasher roles is part of rape culture. Making it conscious - as seabeyond did by challenging it (resulting in the poster's self-awareness and change in how he described those consensual interactions) is part of what is necessary to change rape culture. And trivializing and denigrating those who point it out makes it harder to change.