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In reply to the discussion: It's a boy! Couple reveal sex of their 'gender neutral' kid after five years [View all]pnwmom
(108,977 posts)150. All narcissists do great damage to their children.
Whether the narcissist wants to raise perfectly religious children, or perfect athletes, or perfect musicians, or perfectly gender-neutral children -- the harm is in the impossible aim for perfection, and the parents' disregard of the child's own separate humanity and the child's own separate needs.
This child was being treated as a science project because the parents wanted to prove something to the world. Yes there are other rotten, narcissistic parents. But that doesn't excuse this pair.
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It's a boy! Couple reveal sex of their 'gender neutral' kid after five years [View all]
snooper2
May 2013
OP
Why do you assume the boy was forced? The article says that he wore both "boys" and "girls" clothing
Luminous Animal
May 2013
#95
My daughter who is three and a half and her friend who just turned five were playing on Tuesday
snooper2
May 2013
#8
I agree. So if he wanted to play with GI Joe, that wasn't allowed. Only a ball or whatever.
Honeycombe8
May 2013
#140
I agree. She was leading him, not letting him make those choices on his own.
Arkansas Granny
May 2013
#10
Oh, I remember a sad incident. At craft store I was looking at colored markers when a Mom & son came
KittyWampus
May 2013
#21
So you think that not allowing a child to have a certain color is child abuse?
blueamy66
May 2013
#185
+1 That isn't gender-neutral. That's alternating-gender-stereotype. n/t
winter is coming
May 2013
#41
Hopefully she pays for mental health treatment for her son throughout his life.
cbdo2007
May 2013
#9
Watch this video of his mother coaching him on the correct answers to her questions.
pnwmom
May 2013
#116
parents "coaching" their religious views onto their kids is far more damaging.
unblock
May 2013
#145
Your approach is entirely different from that mother's, because you were child-focused.
pnwmom
May 2013
#146
When this particular gender roles transgression is concerned, encouragement = force.
redqueen
May 2013
#48
Of course, lots of seemingly insignificant stuff from people's childhoods that trigger
cbdo2007
May 2013
#80
You can stop arguing with me, I already said you won and this is completely normal behavior
cbdo2007
May 2013
#99
Being involved in the mental health world changes perspectives on these matters.
Neoma
May 2013
#104
We're both "involved in the mental health world" but each brought a different perspective...
cbdo2007
May 2013
#105
I think the explanation is that he was only allowed to play with gender neutral toys
pnwmom
May 2013
#147
Yep. Some people need to take a moment and consider why they're having over-the-top reactions.
redqueen
May 2013
#190
All narcissists are bad parents, no matter what particular agenda is driving them.
pnwmom
May 2013
#151
Yup. And there are too many parents who are narcissists, who USE their children
pnwmom
May 2013
#149
"...Beck was resolute and encouraged him to play with dolls to hide his masculinity."
Wait Wut
May 2013
#54
LOL, I see you're quite good at spinning, yourself... you sure did a good job there.
redqueen
May 2013
#72
Uh, ok? Tabloids write copy in such a way as to rouse the maximum amount of rabble.
redqueen
May 2013
#74
There's nothing gender neutral about a ballerina costume complete with tinkerbell wings.
lumberjack_jeff
May 2013
#101
I agree that they're unclear on the definition of 'neutral', I just don't see that as a good reason
redqueen
May 2013
#57
I've read a few of these stories. Never read one in which mom was hiding her daughter's sex.
lumberjack_jeff
May 2013
#103
My parents dressed me in boys' clothing, cut my hair very short, and actively discouraged femininity
MadrasT
May 2013
#159
"it was clear that girly clothes were literally costuming" YES! What an important message!
redqueen
May 2013
#191
And a significant number of parents who are "turning" their children into violinists
pnwmom
May 2013
#106
I view a religious upbringing of any kind, an extreme social experiment.
Luminous Animal
May 2013
#97
If they truly ever had to deal with an actual physical gender isuue they might know how wrong.
gordianot
May 2013
#55
I think using your kid to try to make a socio-political statement, sucks.
Warren DeMontague
May 2013
#64
My parents did pretty much the same thing to me except they did not keep my biological sex a secret
MadrasT
May 2013
#67
I think she was thinking about it all too hard. Kids will come into their own,
all american girl
May 2013
#76
It depends. If they're doing it narcissistically -- in order to make their kids perform --
pnwmom
May 2013
#124
I think the real question is: will he grow up to beat women, or be beaten by them?
Dreamer Tatum
May 2013
#131
I did find that implication somewhat troubling. Although at least they're letting him "be a boy"
nomorenomore08
May 2013
#136
They said when he went out the kid was dressed gender neutral--pants and shirts
marions ghost
May 2013
#198