General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Stop Telling Women How to Not Get Raped [View all]Tansy_Gold
(17,886 posts)Gay men can rape women. Being gay doesn't get you an automatic pass.
Nor am I going to alter my statement to "All men except the DUer who identifies himself as Occulus are potential rapists." I can't alter it to "All men except gay men are potential rapists," because that's not true either. I can't alter it to "All men except those who are brought up right are potential rapists." There are no exclusions.
Once again, I have not accused anyone of rape. I have not said all men are rapists. I have not said all sex is rape.
But in any kind of campaign to educate both men and women of the risks and dangers they face, I think it's a fair starting point to say that all men are potential rapists and all women are potential false accusers. There may also be gay men who are potential false accusers, and there are women who are potential rapists. Statistically, the numbers are insignificant, which is not the same as saying gay male rape or rape by a female is not real rape. It is, and that issue should always enter the conversation about risk as well.
Throwing around personal insults doesn't accomplish anything except to distract from the issue. If you're not going to rape anyone, then that's good to know, but you can't speak for all the other men out there, gay, straight, bi, whatever. Nor can I speak for every woman.
So let's start from the assumption that ANYONE we encounter has the potential to cause us harm. We can mitigate our risks by being aware of them. If women understand that ANY man they meet has a potential to cause them harm, then the women are better able to deal with an uncomfortable situation that may develop. They will not be in a state of denial, "Oh, this can't be happening to me because he's such a nice guy and his parents are nice people" or some other such excuse, and end up blaming themselves and not reporting what happened.
It's important to understand that no matter how nice he might be, how well he was raised, how much money he has to spend on her, he is still capable of rape. None of those conditions are mutually exclusive.
Once again -- I am not saying all men are rapists. But I am saying that making the assumption that they have the POTENTIAL is one step in the process.
By the same token, if and when men understand that the actions they think are okay and consented to are NOT okay and consented to, then we've made another step in the process. But if men automatically refuse to recognize that they COULD be rapists and their actions COULD be considered rape, then the process can't go forward.