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Member since: Tue Jul 10, 2012, 05:40 AM
Number of posts: 703

About Me

I write a blog of dark humor - Goblinbooks.com

Journal Archives

Let's Remember The Obama Video Now That It Seems Kinda Stupid

I'm not judging Will.I.Am. Honestly. He wasn't particularly deluded. He wasn't even the only guy who did something like this. But I think it's important to take a look at his creation - It's useful to think about everyone's state of mind back then - given what we know today.

Because today it seems pretty fucking ridiculous.

I mean, people took a primary speech. By a politician. And they turned it into a "We Are The World" video. I pray to God that cocaine was involved. It's the only way I can make sense of it.

All those pretty people are smiling like cultists, and ScarJo looks as if she might start weeping with girlish joy. The gist of this is that a vote for the guy is the moral equivalent of saving a kitten from a fire on your way to drop a check for famine relief in the mail. To watch it, you'd think Barack Obama was Frodo, Neo, and the Last Unicorn, and that when he got to the White House, he'd rip Dick Cheney's iron heart from his chest and hurl it into the fires where it was forged, destroying its curse forever.

Many people thought this. Adults actually thought this. The clip is proof.

But there's nothing in there about flying killer robots, huh? Or having your Attorney General simultaneously hide from and spy on reporters. Or all the other nonsense.

Believe me, I'm not taking the Republican side. Those guys have very selective memories about government transparency and getting cavalier with the lives of our soldiers and diplomats. I am saying this: The guy I voted for isn't really a hero...


Why Michele Bachmann's Goodbye Speech Sounds Like A Pharmaceutical Commercial

You can sense it almost immediately, can't you? About half a minute into the speech, there's that disconnect familiar to any one who's sat through a commercial for antidepressants or allergy medicine or somesuch. The soaring music and the confident tone simply don't match any of the words, because lawyers cobbled all those together.

...rest assured, this decision was not impacted in any way by the recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff...

DUM! Duh, duh, da, DUMMMM!

Emotional piano. Shot of cheery, ruddy-cheeked old people pushing their granddaughter in a swing. Healthy. No one looks like they're going to code out if they try to tackle a flight of stairs.

Libercor is not for everyone. May cause shingles, dry mouth, rash, cold sweats, and night terrors. See your doctor if you develop persistent bleeding, as this may indicate a fatal condition...

Your brain doesn't wrap around everything the lawyers are saying. That's the point. The best you can manage is to realize dimly that Jesus, these guys have a lot of explaining to do. All this technical stuff is taking a long time, and those happy, corporate power chords are carrying an awful weight.

This is the perfect way for Michele Bachmann to end her Congressional career. She spent years trying to hide all that dark nonsense in the background behind a similar kind of feel-good theme...


Should Crazy People Be Allowed In The Boy Scouts?

As you may know, the BSA recently addressed the ongoing issue of crazy people within its organization. I think it took an unsatisfying, halfway position on the subject - a position that solves nothing. Crazy people still exist in the BSA, but the group hasn't addressed their fundamental rights and concerns. It's essentially told them, "Yes, if you're the kind of whack-job who can't associate with gay adults, you still have a place here. But you can't go too far - you can't be the kind of absolute lunatic who'd discriminate against gay kids."

The problem is, many of them don't see the difference at all. And so, in order to fit in they have to hide who they are.

It's hard for the rest of us to understand their lifestyle or their beliefs. These are grounded in a three-thousand year-old collection of documents passed down through a group of nomadic tribal peoples, a message allegedly from some kind of powerful, inscrutable supernatural entity. Many people of course share beliefs of this kind. But this particular group adds a completely idiosyncratic set of alternate commands from a series of bizarre, supplementary visions received by their prophets. They basically allow them to ignore a large set of the ritual and dietary rules of their faith, while reinforcing sexual and gender norms - but only those which apply to the powerless members of their society. And at the same time, they will assert that these documents they follow are perfect, eternal, and completely consistent. Challenging them on any of this produces intense feelings of paranoia and rage. Coexisting with them is difficult. (Also, some of them believe in an additional text written by fantastical creatures on some golden plates, which were then lost. I know, I know. It gets weird.)

Do we want people like this teaching our kids? Do we want people using some Iron Age scrolls to talk with our young people about what makes a loving marriage? That seems extremely dubious. At the same time though, I think tolerance is vital. Children shouldn't ever abandon their natural skepticism, of course - if someone tells them they are receiving moral commands from invisible beings with super powers, it's always right to question that. But that doesn't mean it's okay to treat others unkindly.

Read The Rest:

A Message From Dick Cheney's Horcrux


I am speaking to you from a parallel dimension of foul darkness and high-sodium foods. My existence is a constant torment to me. I beg you to defeat my master and smash me with the Hammer of Shrieking obtained by Cory Booker in the vaults below Newark Airport.

But beware! Terrible times have befallen the Democratic Party, and the power of He Who Shall Not Be Named grows. With the scandals bedeviling the Obama administration, progressives across the internet shall be sorely tempted to spin, to obfuscate, to dabble in horsecrap. People may write articles on DailyKos acting like they're sure the IRS did nothing wrong, or that this is all somehow George Bush's fault. That the issues themselves are all bogus and don't really need to be investigated. The temptation shall grow as Republican after Republican comes forward with ridiculous, self-serving arguments, and the crazy Palin voter in your family barrages you with hateful email gloating.

Do not take up the weapons of The Enemy as your own! For in that moment, your will becomes his plaything and join me forever in the shadows.

You must commit yourself to honesty and accountability in government, no matter the cost. The facts will reveal themselves in all their complexity, and the administration's going to take some whacks, but that's not a completely bad thing.

The strength of any political group is its ability to adjust to reality...

Read The Rest:
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