2016 Postmortem

2016-02-04T17:15:51+00:00

AP-- February 4, 2016. Athens, Greece. Scientists claim startling discovery concerning the human brain and quantum mechanics. A team of physicists claims to have discovered a relationship between brain function and quantum mechanics. Demokratis L. Cooptionis, professor of physics at the University of Athens today declared his team had discovered the quantum phenomenon of complementarity in the human brain. At a press conference, Professor Cooptionis described the research and potential breakthrough. The principle of complementarity, for example that light can sometimes behave as a particle and sometimes as a wave, is a well understood quantum phenomenon. It is also understood that electrons are both subject to quantum phenomena and vital to brain functioning. Therefore we decided to try to observe quantum phenomena in the context of the human brain. We believe we have discovered data supporting this thesis. Under one set of experimental conditions (when Hillary Clinton had a comfortable lead and wanted to appear presidential) she described herself as a moderate. Under another set of experimental conditions (when her opponent had closed the gap in a race too close to call and emerged with momentum) she identified herself as a progressive. We believe this paradox is related to certain quantum phenomena occurring in Secretary Clintons brain. So two very different questions, i.e. 1) is light a wave or a particle; and 2) is Hillary a progressive or a moderate, both have the same paradoxical answer: it depends on the experimental conditions. Cooptionis was then asked about further research in this area. We would also like to do similar research on youth enthusiasm within her campaign. Unfortunately, we have not yet developed instrumentation sensitive enough to measure levels so small.