Xian Family Values! Palin Family in Drunken Brawl

[onager]

Has anybody else seen this? I just LMAO reading the official police reports from The Smoking Gun.

Palins arrive at a neighbor's birthday party in a white limousine. And apparently Things Escalated Quickly.

Even Track, Todd and Willow got dragged into the ruckus. No reports yet from other family members Tree Fungus Palin and Amoeba-Borne Dysentery Palin:

According to cops, Bristol appeared “heavily intoxicated” during questioning, and claimed that she had confronted a woman who had pushed her sister. Bristol claimed that the party’s host was “calling her a cunt and slut” and that she was pushed to the ground and pulled “around on the grass by her feet.”

Witnesses described Bristol as “out of control” and accused her of repeatedly slugging host Korey Klingenmeyer in the face. Klingenmeyer, 39, told police that he was “angry the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems.” He added, “A fight broke out and the Palins ended up losing.”

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/Palin-family-fight-police-reports-687432

Hot damn! I just hope they got video! This could end up on the TRU-TV "Dumbest Partiers" show. Being moderated by Tonya "Kneecapper" Harding and the rest of TRU-TV's resident team of Z-list celebs, crackheads and born-again Xian Daniel Baldwin.

[AlbertCat]

1. Those young Palin kids need......

....a foster home!


Quick!



I'm serious!

[Gelliebeans]

2. Someone had to be recording that

Pleeeeeeeeeease tell me someone got it on their phone?

[onager]

3. It might even beat the famous "Louisiana Wedding" on TRU-TV!

I really want a copy of that. Seen it twice, but the action is hard to follow and I need to slo-mo it.

Only connection to religion - it took place at a wedding. As I remember, the events went something like this:

1. Groom gets so drunk he passes out. A worried wedding guest calls 911 and the EMTs arrive with an ambulance. As usual, one cop car also arrives to check out the trouble report.

2. Groom wakes up, staggers into the yard with his equally drunk new brother-in-law. They get belligerent with the cops/EMTs.

3. Groom takes a swing at a cop. Gets tasered and falls down twitching.

4. Bride comes out, in full wedding dress/veil. Sees hubby on the ground and starts screaming her head off and running around.

5. Drunk brother-in-law rushes at a cop to defend his new kinsman, or something. Gets tasered, falls down twitching.

6. Now other drunk guests are yelling at the cops and threatening them. Cops call for back-up and use pepper spray.

7. LOTS of cops arrive, with a big police dog. By now the bride is screaming and running around, the guests and cops are yelling, and the dog goes with the flow and starts barking up a storm. Clouds of pepper spray waft over the scene.

Groom and brother-in-law both spend the wedding night in jail.

At least I guess the wedding was a day they really will all remember forever...

[Gelliebeans]

4. I didn't see that gem

Now I am going to find that one now. I need a good laugh lately

[AlbertCat]

6. I wonder.....

.... what woulda happened if they had been getting stoned instead of drunk.

Not this.

[bvf]

7. Definitely not this.

Mellow does not make for interesting news.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

5. Goddamnit onager, when you gonna start you're own blog?

I'm literally crying with laughter at Tree-Fungus Palin and Amoeba-Borne Dysentery Palin.