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Fri Dec 21, 2012, 12:57 AM

My Uncle Paul wasn't much older than me.

My grandparents divorced and my grandpa married a younger woman. They had 2 boys just a few years before my parents had me. I remember kids at school teasing my Uncle Paul because I called him Uncle Paul.

He had a stutter when he was younger. I remember my mom would tell him to sing what he was trying to say - and when he sang it, he could get all the words out.

He was very sensitive, and kind of a misfit. That's why I related to him so much. My childhood was very hard. When my parents divorced and my mom and dad each went through deep struggles, I suffered very much living with my mother. I was abused and neglected and it was difficult for the family to absorb, so I made people feel uncomfortable. I was a misfit like my Uncle Paul.

Uncle Paul and I always accepted each other and had a special affinity as children.

He was also very close to his older brother, my Uncle Marc.

When I went off to college, and later traveled around the country, I lost touch with almost everybody in my family. I was taking care of myself, doing my own thing, building my own life. I let a lot of relationships go, some on purpose, and some just because they were no longer near.

When I was getting married, I really wanted my Uncle Paul to come to the wedding, so I started asking family members about him, trying to find him. I heard he was not doing very well, and when I finally spoke to him, I could tell he was not well. He did not believe in himself. He said he couldn't afford to travel to the wedding. When I said I would see if I could afford to fly him, he perked up and I could tell he was trying to figure out how much money he could get out of me. He sounded like an addict.

He was an addict.

I let him go.

He died several days ago, alone in his trailer. We think he drank himself to death. We're not sure. He was only just found yesterday, Friday. My dad called me to tell me.

My dad had a sister, and he lost her almost the exact same way, except she was found the next morning by her daughter, my cousin, who was about 10 years old at the time.

I can't sleep. I was writing earlier about a co-worker who showers me with contempt every day at work.

I have to go to work tomorrow. I have a 14 hour day tomorrow. I have a lot to do and no one else can do it.

I should be sleeping but I have this horrible feeling.

If there was a time that my Uncle Paul could have been saved, I missed it.

Let us not be mean to each other tomorrow.

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Arrow 10 replies Author Time Post
Reply My Uncle Paul wasn't much older than me. (Original post)
rbnyc Dec 2012 OP
CaliforniaPeggy Dec 2012 #1
Matariki Dec 2012 #2
Thor_MN Dec 2012 #3
Tsiyu Dec 2012 #4
LiberalEsto Dec 2012 #5
get the red out Dec 2012 #6
rbnyc Dec 2012 #7
Digit Dec 2012 #8
rbnyc Dec 2012 #9
magical thyme Dec 2012 #10

Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 01:00 AM

1. ...



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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 02:03 AM

2. Oh, RBnyc - courage

That's very sad. Maybe you can light a candle and pray for him to find peace in passing. Maybe that will help you find peace too. I wish you well.

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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 06:30 AM

3. A tough time of year...

Emotions are amplified, we try to make up for the rest of the year in the few remaining days...

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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 06:54 AM

4. rbnyc - so much hurt going on for you



And then a 14 hour day. Dayum.

Sounds like you are really second-guessing yourself, and you just don't need to do that.

You were RIGHT to stand up for yourself. Nobody has the right to treat you like crap.

You were RIGHT to not let a messed-up loved one mess up your life, too.

We shouldn't have to make these kinds of decisions; people should all do the right thing. But they don't.

And you, lovely woman, do NOT need to feel you must carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Set it down. It's not your burden, baby!

Do what you can do to the best of your ability. That's all that's expected of you.


I am very sorry for your recent loss; the love you have for Paul will always be.

Take care of you right now, because you deserve happiness no matter what others choose to do with their own lives and time.




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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 09:22 AM

5. Oh, rb...

so sorry you're dealing with all this.

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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 11:20 AM

6. I'm so sorry

Blessings to you and the spirit of your Uncle Paul; at least he is free from his demons now. We all have a path......................

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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 06:41 PM

7. Thanks all.

I'm still at work, but taking a break. It's just me and my co-directors in the office now, so it's pretty chill. I'll start setting up for my event in about an hour.

I'm kind of drained. But it will be alright. My husband and son are coming to the event.

Thanks so much.

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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Fri Dec 21, 2012, 08:44 PM

8. I really hate to see people being picked on

When dealing with bullies you don't want to act vulnerable. Stand up tall, don't avoid eye contact, be assertive and ooze confidence.
You can find many online sites with tips on how to deal with bullies in the workplace. I didn't include any links as I did not know which one would "speak" to you.
Please stop thinking of yourself as a misfit...you are an individual, one who deserves respect. Don't allow yourself to be a victim or think of yourself as a victim.
Your bully is the one with issues.

I am sorry to hear about your uncle.

I will send white light and be thinking of you tomorrow.

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Response to Digit (Reply #8)

Sat Dec 22, 2012, 11:47 AM

9. Thank you and thanks to all...

...I know I just fly in and out of here. But I always come back because you are the best people!

I guess that's why I "fit" in.



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Response to rbnyc (Original post)

Sat Dec 22, 2012, 01:41 PM

10. ....

I'm so sorry for your loss, rbnyc

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