God Distances Self From Christian Right

[cbayer]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-distances-self-from-christian-right,30087/

OCTOBER 24, 2012 | ISSUE 48•43

?5571

THE HEAVENS—Responding to inflammatory remarks made by Republican Senate candidate Richard Mourdock during a debate Tuesday night, Our Lord God the Almighty Father sought today to distance Himself from both Mourdock and the entire right-wing fundamentalist Christian movement, sources confirmed.

“I want to make one thing absolutely clear: Mr. Mourdock’s comments from last night in no way reflect my position on this or any other issue,” said the Divine Creator, speaking at a press conference this afternoon to address Mourdock’s remarks that rape-induced pregnancies were God’s intent. “And furthermore, I would like to take this opportunity to say definitively that I, God, do not officially sanction or condone the words or actions of anyone involved in the fanatical, conservative Christian faction that Mr. Mourdock represents.”

“Many people hear my name in connection with the Christian Right and start to assume we are aligned in some capacity, and I’m here to say, for the record, that we are not,” God continued. “So let me just be clear: I don’t want women to get raped—not ever. I don’t think their resulting pregnancies are my divine will. And if a woman is raped, then she has the right to get an abortion, period. I do not agree with Mourdock. I do not agree with the Christian Right. End of story.”

Calling Mourdock’s comments “the last straw,” the Lord Our Maker explained that while in the past there have been a few areas where He and the religious Right have been in agreement, more often than not, in recent years, He and Christian conservatives have grown “actually quite far apart” on a wide range of issues.

more lulz at link

[rrneck]

1. The end is a riot. nt

[cbayer]

2. The Jesus part? Hilarious.

I also like the part on economic policy.

[PATRICK]

3. I think in most cases

where people put absolute faith in their own ability to define God, God in actuality is an atheist by definition.
The Hebrews practiced regional atheism against their neighbor's stable of gods. Jesus and Buddha could be accused of institutional atheism by the usual gatekeepers. Mohammed certainly denied Jesus' divinity.

So monotheism naturally leads to practical atheism that a/the real God would bless..

[cbayer]

4. Not sure I understand what you are saying here, but welcome to the Religion Group.

[Angry Dragon]

8. It sounds they are talking about there being a lot of gods

but most religions reject all the other gods except their own

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

5. I heard he wanted to take them to court to get them to stop

using his name in their ads, press releases, and in general political uses. However he had to go to hell to find a good lawyer and the devil had them all working for the GOP already.






Couldn't resist.

[Angry Dragon]

7. LOL

[mjrr_595]

6. another great onion article

so funny