Retirement Choices

[babylonsister]

Cute e-mail I received...

Retirement Choices

You can retire to Phoenix or Tucson, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where…
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen , Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.” It’s important to know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”

OR

FINALLY, You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[elleng]

1. Cute and silly, b'sis!

but you fergot MARYLAND, my MARYLAND!

[sinkingfeeling]

2. Nailed it. I've lived in 5 of those places and spent months in the other 3!

[murphyj87]

3. or you can retire in Nova Scotia

1. When the US northeast is getting knee deep snow you get rain
2. You go to a doctor or a hospital and don't need a credit card or cash, just a health card and you don't buy insurance either
3. You need a calculator to listen to the weather if you can't figure out metric without one
4. You can watch all US networks and all Canadian networks on your cable system
5. You think that Conservatives who are pro-choice, and support continued abolition of the death penalty, universal single payer health care, and same sex marriage are radical right wingers

[glinda]

4. Is it really that easy to retire there? I do not think health care is covered there....

I personally miss watching both Canadian and American channels. Miss Curling especially.

[murphyj87]

5. Non citizen permanent residents ....

Non citizen permanent residents are eligible for Canadian health care in 60 to 90 days (depending on the province).

My ex-wife is still an American citizen and was covered by Canadian health care almost as soon as she arrived in Canada, gets Canada Pension, Old Age Security, and Guaranteed Income Supplement. She's been retired for 8 years. She has lived in Canada since 1981, however.

I've been a curling coach on the provincial and national level, and we lost to Manitoba in the Canadian final in 1987.

[glinda]

6. Thank you for the information. Where in Ca. are you?

Am impressed by your involvement with Curling. I love love love to watch Curling.

[murphyj87]

7. Halifax, Nova Scotia

http://www.maritimecurling.info

[glinda]

8. Thanks for the link!