THe Meadow by The Bridge has a new citizen. We lost My Liddle Buddy this morning.
She died in her sleep. I found her as I went down to the office to start work. She was laying on the floor, on her side. It was not her usual sleeping spot and not her usual sleep position. I knew it the instant I saw her.
She was almost 17, Tigger was.
She was, by choice, the prototypical solitary cat. At one point we had two other cats in the house and she assiduously avoided them. Her world, by choice, was our home offices, a bathroom, and the laundry room. For years her litter box was in the shower in a spare bathroom. It was a perfect arrangement. Easily hidden from human view, and with a way in that only a cat could love. But that only worked with the electric Litter Maid. When we got sick of that device's failings we moved her to the laundry room and a roll-over litter box that was actually easier to clean than the Litter Maid.
In usual Tigger fashion, she adapted without a bit of fuss or bother.
She was a Cat Of The Clouds, preferring to spend her time up high. She lived for most of her life in a wicker basket atop a book case. It was about 6 feet in the air. She would jump up to a desk and then up to the top of the bookcase. When she was younger, she'd jump off from the top to the ground in one leap. Later, not so much. But to the end she lived aloft.
Tigger had some health issues starting maybe two or three years ago. Twice we took her to the vet when she had blood spots on her eyeball. The vet said it could be indicative of several things and we checked them all, to one degree or another. The final thought was thyroid. We did nothing for that apart from watching her and checking her numbers - always high, but never to the level that she needed meds or treatment. Then, maybe 6 months ago, she went blind. The vet said it could be a number of things (again) but most likely a complication of her now failing kidneys and her thyroid issues.
Just last week she was in again for a checkup. The vet suspected high blood pressure was now another issue for her. Tomorrow we were supposed to bring her in for a few hours to allow her to be there, relax (to lower her blood pressure to normal), and get her BP checked. We had also just gotten her some prescription food and were to start a potassium(???) supplement. I guess that was more than Tigger cared to deal with.
So she checked out.
All in all, not a bad way to go. She went right up to the line of being an invalid cat, but never actually went there.
Yesterday morning, just like every other, I said good morning to her as I passed her perch and went into my office. Within a few minutes she was at my feet, yowling at me for her morning scratch. It was just another normal day. Just like every normal day for the last 16 plus years.
Dammit.
Why do we have to outlive them?
It really fucking hurts, okay.
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From us.
And from me, personally.
I only wish I could bottle a solution that would keep those precious pets young and vibrant throughout our lifetimes. 
belated It takes time.
Tallulah as a pup
During one of our hotel stays as she fought cancer:
It hurts so much and will continue to for a long time I suspect because you loved her and you had a wonderful morning routine. What a wonderful life you gave to her, she got to have everything the way she wanted it, you did not force her to live otherwise just made the adjustments needed to keep her content, and most of all you loved her. None of us could ever ask for better than that.
I lost my first ever horse 2 weeks ago, he was ancient and had been with me for 20 years, he was old when I got him. The pain is fresh so I just feel compelled to send an extra You are in my thoughts.
You are just keeping my sinuses cleared out, huh? 
We have all been there, and I have to agree with you that this was not a bad way to go. With all the problems that she had, this was the perfect exit....if they have to exit.
RIP, Tigger. 
I feel your heartbreak and sorrow. You'll have happy memories of her always, though the happiest ones are the most likely to bring tears at this point. She went the way we all hope we go, in our sleep and peacefully. You shared a great love each other in life and when you reach the bridge, I bet you see a happy kink in her tail when she runs to greet you. Love never dies.
I feel your pain. I had a kitty that spent every indoor minute on my desk. I swear she was in love with me, she'd just just sit on my desk and gaze at me when she wasn't curled up sleeping on my work. The only time she set foot on the ground was to eat, or go outside and hunt. I still miss her too. I know it hurts.
Tigger lived quite a long and happy life. And it does indeed really fucking hurt.
Tigger's vet, having just seen her on Friday, was very surprised to hear that she'd passed.
We spoke with her this afternoon, and she said Tigger's kidney disease was so mild, it couldn't have killed her. Her guess is that it was a blood clot which a spike in her blood pressure could have sent to her heart. Or as she put it, "a fluke thing."
Somehow it's hard to stop our minds from going back to the shock of her body lying there, without going into details about the specifics... And it's hard not to think back on her life as a measurement of our own, or something.
My daughter, then 9 or 10, brought her to our then-house (with husband #1) on a leash from a friend down the street, begging me to adopt her. I was about to leave that husband, and decided to adopt her in the "new house" to help make it a happy place. (First husband was allergic.) Tigger was there before my furniture.
When I met Stinky about 7 months later, Tigger was just getting over her spaying surgery. Then she moved, with me, when I came to live with (and marry) Stinky.
Over time, my daughter developed bad allergies to cats that weren't there before. Sometimes she'd even admonish me to "get rid of the cat!" But today, she cried -- partly for Tigger, partly for the years that Tigger measured, I think.
It's a sad day. 
P.S. -- Yes, Tigger adjusted to the comings and goings of other dogs and cats here by confining herself to the basement, thus becoming Stinky's steadfast "Office Cat" (or "Liddle Buddy"
.
I too had an unfortunate image or two from Tallulah's last moments that made it so difficult to move past. I found that downloading a bunch of photos into my iphone helped me a lot. Every time I would start to think of that really sad or disturbing image, I'd call up those photos and focus on all the happy memories behind them.
I hope this might help you and Stinky too.
I appreciate the suggestion!
She sounds like she must have been a real sweetheart. Your post was a very nice tribute to her.
RIP Tigger.
Edited to add my condolences to you as well Sparkly.
It does hurt, and nothing can make that hurt feel any better, but time. It's just getting through that time thing that is such a bitch to do.
She sounds like our "Her highness" cat who many never see or know about. Finds the highest place to sit and watch, wants to be the only cat, happy in a small part of the house, also aging.
I am glad she had a normal day and so sorry that she had to go so soon.
I can still feel Alex,Most handsome prince of north Columbus, under my left hand as I fall asleep some nights. At first I cried when I could 'feel' him, now I can smile and say out loud, at times...He was a good boy. and I still miss him. The odd thing is that he would sit to my right on our chair, so he was my right hand dog for too many short years. I wish for all of you hearts ease and the memories of a well loved friend.
The only way we are able to cope with the loss of our fur babies is to remember how much love and happiness they brought us and to cherish even more the ones we have now. Much love to you
We both appreciate it a lot!! Stinky often remarks that this is a very special group. He's right about that.
