So, anyone out there want to help me with thoughts on dire financial issues?

[qnr]

TL/DR: I'm on a fixed income, in dire straits financially, and nothing seems to be working. Looking for ideas.

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone out there might be able to help me come up with some concrete ideas on getting out of a situation that I am in. I'm a 100% disabled vet and considered unemployable. I've been working and paying bills for almost 50 years. A few months ago, I had some large medical expenses that seriously messed up my budget. Through stupidity on my part, I have been robbing Peter to pay Paul for a few months now, using the overdraft protection on my checking account to keep the utilities going. Unfortunately, being on a fixed income, that just makes matters worse the next month, since the fees get taken out when my benefits come in. Come the 15th, I will be two months late on mortgage payments and can't even rely on the overdraft since the limit has been reached. I am working with the mortgage provider, but things aren't looking good.

I have a GoFundMe campaign (and I have received some donations to it - including from DUers); unfortunately, it never really gained any traction. I also have an online store that I have been trying to promote to bring some money in, but I haven't had a single sale since about mid-May.

I'm in some pretty serious trouble in about three days, and I need to know how I might be able to raise money to pay my mortgage and utilities. Any legal ideas are welcome, either with how I can get sales, get my GFM going, how to deal with creditors or whatnot. My credit was never very hot since I didn't use it a lot, almost always paying cash, until I needed to buy the house for our family. Now it's really shot with my missed payments and whatnot over the last few months - so a loan isn't really an option (well, I could actually get one, but I'd be paying payday loan rates for a while, and I can't afford that).

I'm posting the links to the GFM and the store, in case any marketing gurus might have some ideas on what I'm doing wrong, and is causing people not to pay attention to them. Not exactly looking for sales or donations with this post (though I'd certainly accept them), but to get some idea of where my attempts to market have failed:


GFM campaign: https://www.gofundme.com/kqzfjba4
The store: http://witsendstore.com

Any and all thoughts are appreciated - even if it's only to call me an idiot for getting in to this situation. Thanks!

[Tobin S.]

1. First order of business: You are not an idiot.

I don't know what the next order of business is, but let's get that first one straight. Okay?

[qnr]

2. True, I know things happen to people,

but the whole overdraft thing was probably not the smartest way to have handled things; though it seemed like an ok idea at the time. I think I was figuring the GFM and the store would be bringing in something to help with the fees, to be honest.

[Tobin S.]

3. It's ok, qnr.

I know you have kept this problem from your family. Have you considered letting them know what's going on? There might be more help there than you currently realize.

[qnr]

4. The problem with that is there really is no family.

Me, I spent the majority of my life in foster homes and hitchhiking around the country. I then joined the military. I honestly have no extended family to speak of. I've attempted to contact some of them over the years, but no one ever followed through.

My wife has no income whatsoever. She is the biological daughter of a certain infamous cult leader and her family either perished in a fire at a compound, or want nothing to do with her (she never knew Koresh, but she's had to deal with the situation for her entire life, since she was in middle school (there is a significant age difference between us)). That's pretty much it for family, the wife, a 12 year old son, and a 3 year old son. It's best (in my opinion, knowing things that I do), that I keep her/them unaware of the situation since they can't help except for moral support, and I know how it will impact her.

In general, it's a good idea, just not in my situation.

[Tobin S.]

5. So your wife can't work?

That's what I meant by appealing to your family- your immediate family. The people who live with you. I didn't know your children were so young.

[qnr]

6. Not really, she has to watch Sagan - plus he's still breastfeeding.

I mean I watch too, but even though I'm unemployable, I'm the one that goes out and does things, for the most part. When she goes out, Sagan and Rowan are generally with her. She has her own store, but that only brings in a sale or two a month. Mine normally brings in something in the 15-20 range, but nothing recently.

[Tobin S.]

7. Okay. Just throwing ideas out there. I don't mean to be intrusive.

[qnr]

14. I understand perfectly, that's what I asked for :D

I've been working all of my life - I'd actually love to be able to work, but I know I wouldn't last a month dealing with people.

[underahedgerow]

10. ok, I'm going to say this as a reality check, and have no intention of being rude,

so forgive me in advance.

You should be the at home parent while your wife works. The child is old enough to be off the teat now, and will be fine with you parenting.

And fragile though she may be, it's time she shared in the burden of the situation. Maybe she's a lot stronger than you know, and will be thrilled help out. Selling stuff online isn't the answer. Getting out and working is. As I said in my other post, she can even clean houses, and it's good, honest work. She can start out in an agency and start working tomorrow, literally. She can go to temp agencies and get work answering phones, Manpower is a great source for immediate employment for unskilled labor.

You can't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results...

Again, I say this objectively, with no judgement and no criticism. These are solutions to problems.

'Honey, I'm going to stay home with Sagan while you go out and get a job. It's time. Here's what we're facing'.

Make a plan together using the strategies I outlined in my other post, and work together. You have nothing to be ashamed of, this is the business of life.

[qnr]

12. There is nothing to forgive, I understand your point completely.

I'm just familiar with the situation and know more than anyone how dangerous the situation is. We're both messed up mentally in different ways, but hers is very serious in that one of the first options that occur to her is that everything would be better if she wasn't around. There are also physical issues involved, that would make working outside of the house dangerous. Her epilepsy and mental health issues have been being treated professionally for all of her life, and it has never made a bit of difference. She is an awesome person, and one of the greatest I've ever known, and I've lived all over the world. But she has no sense of self-worth....

As I said in the other post, up until the time of the medical bills, this actually was all working. Again, we had to budget, but on a month-to-month basis, we were actually getting by and saving a little money up.

[underahedgerow]

8. One solution would be to bail out on your bank. Before you do that, go to another bank

and set up a new account, and transfer all your payments and business to that bank. Don't tell them your situation, don't tell anyone, just do it. Once your accounts are all set up in the new bank, then let the first bank's account go bad, and eventually, one day, maybe, try to fix it, if you get in the situation to do so. The bank is dunning you for fees, you're not stealing food from someone's table. You'll get harassed until the cows come home by the bank seeking their money. Don't respond, don't admit to the debt, never acknowledge to callers that it's your account or your responsibility. Ever. Once you admit it's your debt, the cycle starts again. If you never admit to owning the debt, it's over with in 7 years.

By the same token, stop paying the medical bills debt. Again, the same thing applies. Never admit to being responsible to the debt to any creditors who call. It's not yours, they're confused, you've never heard of that medical facility, it's not your problem, and hang up. In fact, change your phone, and get a P.O. Box. Tell the medical bills people you moved to a fictitious address. Whatever you do, never ever admit to anyone on the phone that it's your debt and that you're responsible.

For the time being, use a payday loan thing, pay the mortgage and utilities, get current on the vital things. Use the old bank account, don't tell them you have a new account. Then, sadly, walk away from it. Let it go bad.

At this point, you should file bankruptcy. If your credit sucks already, well then hell, why not? You can rebuild your credit file eventually, but if you've got your new account set up, you'll be ok someday.

When a stranger calls your house asking for Bob Smith, just say they've got the wrong number. If someone knows you, they know who they're talking to. Or don't answer and only use your mobile phones. I don't even know my landline number. If someone calls it, it's surely not anyone I know, so why would I want to talk to them?

Sometimes you just have to walk away from that stuff to save yourself. You didn't buy a new car or go shopping, you had a financial crisis and you weren't irresponsible, but crap happens. This isn't a great way to solve it. It's not pretty, it's not nice and it's unpleasant, but you'll never get caught up unless you generate income again. Even if you have to pick up cans on the side of the road to earn a few pennies, income is income.

Your wife may want to consider getting a job, such as cleaning houses, dog walking, pet sitting, etc. If you're physically able, you could be a team of cleaners. It's self employment, it's good, honest work and people need cleaners. You have to be good at it though!

Good luck. Do some reading on how to declare bankruptcy, and the means that people use to dodge huge medical bills, and get their head above water.

[Tobin S.]

9. You know, I kind of wondered about you on here before...

...but now you have the Tobster big fat seal of approval...if that means anything to you.

[qnr]

13. There are a lot of good thoughts being aired, I appreciate them! n/t

[qnr]

11. OK, thanks, I'll look in to it.

As far as the employment goes. There are a couple of problems there. One: unfortunately, my wife, due to her history, has a record of trying to hurt herself. I'm afraid that letting her have knowledge of the situation would cause her to attempt it again. Mental health professionals are a possible solution to that; however, her previous husband was a real POS and abused her and the oldest son. She basically lives for the kids. She is worried that if she seeks help, the system will find out and take the eldest, possibly giving him to the POS. If that happens it's almost a foregone conclusion that I'd have to watch her like a hawk at all time, to keep her from doing something.

Two: I am considered 100% disabled and unemployable. I am allowed to bring in money up to the poverty level each month, and I do that with the sales in the store. I actually can't work due to my physical an emotional issues (which sucks, since I've been working since 12), but if I were to find a job, the VA would stop the benefits, leaving me in a horrible situation - because I know that any job I got where I worked for other people would be exceptionally short term before I lost it again. I'm not; however, against picking up cans on the side of the road - or doing odd jobs that bring money in (which is what my screen printing is supposed to do) - I just can't be 'employed.'

Those other options are kind of drastic (at the moment) - I normally have no problem paying off the bills. Money is always 'tight' but lasts through the month and there is a little to buy treats for the kids and whatnot. It's just the last few months where I have been digging myself deeper and deeper, once I pull out of that, I can get back on track again. It worries me to thing about the whole bankruptcy thing, etc., because I feel I need to make myself as invisible as possible, and that would draw a lot of attention. I will consider it though.

Thanks!