Don't people who say "I don't want anything for Christmas/birthday/etc" know how selfish they are??

[nadine_mn]

Grrrrr

Every year - every fricking year and every fricking special occasion - I go through this with my husband. I ask him what he wants - he says "I don't know" or "I don't want anything - I have you" - fricking crap like that.

Why can't he realize it's not about him - it's about me - me wanting to GIVE him something to make him go "oooooh, ahhhhh".

We don't have human kids (just furry overlords - 2 dogs and a cat), no close friends, and not a lot of family (my mom is so materialistic she sucks the joy out of giving), so really he is my main recipient of gifts.

Now we don't have a lot of money - so no Lexus with a big bow in the driveway, or even a set of golf clubs - so its just small stuff, but small stuff is fun to get, at least for me.

I love getting small stuff - those soft fluffy slipper socks, a pretty journal that's too pretty to use so I just set it aside and go ooooh its pretty, smelly candles, new mittens.

So past items I have gotten him (which he loved):

new sweatshirts/pants to replace the raggedy pairs which he still has squirreled away

a bottle opener made from a railroad spike (very cool)

a clock/business card holder made from recycled computer circuit boards (he is in IT)

Grilling set in its own fancy case


So you see all this stuff is under $50 (which I know to many is still alot of money, and it's not pocket change to us - its our "big" gift budget) - but its still fun to GIVE.

He always says he doesn't need anything - well obviously if he needed it we would get it and not wait.


I am not trying to make trouble by bitching about not buying stuff in an economy which is so shitty or to make anyone feel bad if they can't afford to give anything. If I had any talent I would make him gifts - knit a scarf, mittens, sew something, wood carve, etc and he would love it.

This is sort of tongue in cheek (the whole it's not about YOU it's about ME part) and also just an overall frusrtation of being married for over 12 yrs to a wonderful man who has no desire to accumulate "STUFF".

[seabeyond]

1. ah hahahaha. thanks. told hubby twice, maybe three times last night

i dont want anything. i dont. i dont know what to tell him, cause i dont want anything. but he said the same to me last night. doesnt matter, you get something. now what do you want

but but but

thanks for the post

[zanana1]

2. I would gladly take an IPod off your hands. nt

[seabeyond]

6. i dont have an ipod. i dont want an ipod. BUT

dont be missin with my kindle. them are fightin words.

[Skittles]

3. NO

if they say that, DON'T GET THEM ANYTHING

[nadine_mn]

13. But what about ME?

This is all about me, thinly disguised as about him. Its really me, me, me. And a little him. Ok back to me.

[Skittles]

18. you want I should kick your me, me, me ass, nadine_mn?

yes INDEED

[nadine_mn]

10. no - that's on my list!

We do have cigars - he just never smokes them - forgets we have a little humidor, and fortunately he isn't much of a drinker. He has no hobbies (I keep trying to help him find one) and all the techie stuff he wants from work.

I think he is being impossible to shop for just to make me mad.

[HappyMe]

5. I know what you mean.

IT magazine subscription? Books? A nice pen?

[PRETZEL]

7. ok, I'm the man who says this and this is why I say it

it's because of what you said earlier. If there was something I needed I would have gotten it. "Stuff" as you put it is just something that I don't need. It's not because I'm selfish, it's just that that's the way I was raised and material things just aren't that high on my list.

Yes, I would appreciate anything gotten for me. That's not what I'm saying.

I'd rather my wife take the money and spend it on something that we'd both enjoy. Maybe toward a nice romantic dinner or somthing along those lines. That's as much a gift as anything.

[nadine_mn]

9. But I have all this pent up consumerism dying to come out!

Please don't be offended by use of the word selfish, I truly mean it in a joking way because it's all about me.

He would love a nice dinner out or something - its just I love stuff - all kinds of stuff: big stuff, little stuff, shiny stuff, soft stuff - etc, my stuff is crowding out the few stuff he has. How can he not love stuff?

[PRETZEL]

11. don't worry about that,

my wife thinks it's selfish of me not to want things so it's nothing that would offend me.

And believe me, my wife's stuff crowded out my stuff the day she first moved in with me. We have more stuff in our house than many of the stores she buys her stuff from. We could retire today if she sold her stuff.

[hunter]

8. Here's what I want for Christmas:

I want to be sitting on a nice warm beach in a tropical or southern hemisphere location, someplace they don't pay much attention to Christmas.

Hand me a beer while I put these shrimp on the barbee.

Personally, I think Jesus was born on Halloween after the grain crops had been harvested and stored away for the winter.

The wintertime Christmas celebrations of Northern Europe were something else, the last drunken splurge before the weaker folks began to die off of cold and starvation, to be stacked like cord wood until the ground thawed.

Possibly I suffer Seasonal Affective Disorder...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder

Ho, ho, ho.

[MiddleFingerMom]

12. Ahem.

.
.
.
You answered the only question I needed to come up with my reply
right at the end of your post.
.
AHEM!!!
.
.
.
Why... WHY after 12 years of his answers... are you STILL bothering
to ask the same question?!?!?!?!?
.
I'm not very materialistic and, although SOMETIMES I had an answer
to that question... most of the time I was pretty happy and had no
real clue as to what I might "want" or "need".
.
However, I was always delighted by and happy with the gifts I did
get... partly because I'm pretty easy and partly out of the wonderful
fact that someone who cared about me had given me a gift.
.
So, why don't you FINALLY learn to SKIP the frustrating part and go
right to the fun part -- getting and giving him what you think he MIGHT
like and/or need (whether HE knows it or not)?
.
Win... ... ... ... win.
.
.
.

[nadine_mn]

14. Once again you show wisdom

He does get happy to get something - so I should just get him something and forget trying to ask him for a list.

You are right - that frustrates us both, and really I just want to give him something as a small token of love and he is happy to receive. Win/win.

The idea of not having a list of wants is so foreign to me - my mom has outrageous demands for gifts ever since I was a kid (and as an only child of a single parent, felt it was my duty even then as now to make her happy), so I was raised expecting everyone to have the same thing.

You crazy reasonable people boggle my frail little mind

[Scuba]

15. Martyr syndrome. n/t

[nadine_mn]

21. I love people like you

[Angry Dragon]

19. Does he read ............ a book perhaps

[madinmaryland]

20. SHIT! My wife hacked your account...

That is me to a tee!

[grasswire]

22. there must be something

Does he collect anything?

Does he talk fondly of something he misses from his youth?

Would he like to take a class with you? Salsa dancing perhaps?

How about an alluring negligee for you and some silky pjs for him?