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[ArnoldLayne]

This message was self-deleted by its author (ArnoldLayne) on Thu Jan 28, 2016, 07:24 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[ArnoldLayne]

1. What?? No reply's...Thanks!

[elleng]

2. Sorry. I don't know about the tests,

but I have friends with a 20 year old son with Downs Syndrome. He has 2 brothers, one older and one younger, and they all look out for eachother. He works in a local grocery store.

They're in Maryland, where there are lots of facilities and programs to help families with such issues.

Good luck.

[ArnoldLayne]

4. That is not what I wanted to hear thank you very much.

[elleng]

6. Sorry. Read this:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/down-syndrome/basics/tests-diagnosis/con-20020948

[ArnoldLayne]

9. Thank you very much for the link I feel better. But it's probably the mix of Xanax's and Beer I'm

drinking now sadly.

[LisaL]

3. From what I found on the internet,

Test at 12 weeks doesn't mean baby will definitely have Down syndrome. She will need another test. So it's possible the baby is normal.

"If the result shows the risk of the baby having Down syndrome is of increased risk it does not mean the baby definitely has Down syndrome. An increased risk means you will be offered a diagnostic test."

http://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/screening-for-down-syndrome

[ArnoldLayne]

5. Thank you, that makes me feel better I appreciate it.

[trof]

7. Do both of you want a child?

[ArnoldLayne]

8. Yes!!

[trof]

17. Why?

OK, this is very personal and obviously none of my business.
But you did put the situation out there on a public forum.

I was 30 when our daughter was born. Miz t. was 27. We were always the oldest parents in her class.

That was over 40 years ago and yes, mores and morals were different back then. People get married later in life. People don't marry, but have children. That seems to be accepted now. Whatever.

You're in your 50s. You'll be an old man when your child is in their 20s.
If the child is handicapped, how will you provide for his care when you are dead?

Sorry to be so blunt.
Just my first gut reaction to your OP.
I really wish both of you all the best.
Peace.

[LisaL]

18. People are having children at older and older ages these days.

[trof]

19. I know. My daughter had a child at 35.

But statistics show that the chance of problems increase with the age of the mother.

[LiberalElite]

20. My mother had me at 39 and my brother 5 years later-

this was in the '50s. We're both fine.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

23. My grandmother was 38 when she had my mother, in 1920.

She was 42 when she had my aunt in 1924. Both children were just fine. My mother passed away a few years ago but my aunt is still very much alive and well (Grandma lived to be 98).

[Blue_In_AK]

36. I was 39 when my youngest was born.

She and I are fine. She is, in fact, very, very smart.

[azurnoir]

33. Not sure if this will help but from the Mayo Clinic

. A woman's chances of giving birth to a child with Down syndrome increase with age because older eggs have a greater risk of improper chromosome division. By age 35, a woman's risk of conceiving a child with Down syndrome is about 1 in 350. By age 40, the risk is about 1 in 100, and by age 45, the risk is about 1 in 30. However, most children with Down syndrome are born to women under age 35 because younger women have far more babies.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/down-syndrome/basics/risk-factors/con-20020948

also keep in mind that many obstetricians these days err to the side of caution due to the possibility of litigation - more likely to get sued for telling you it's probably okay then finding out it isn't, than for telling you it's positive further study is needed and having everything be fine

BTW if it's help I was 40 when I had my youngest and by Mayo's numbers the chances of him having downs were 3* greater-he's just fine

[KamaAina]

10. I would advise you to get acquainted with people with Down's

of various ages. I have worked with several over the years and have found it to be quite rewarding. My peak Down's experience was when I was in a meeting with two people with Down's, and they were... just communicating. None of the BS that usually goes along with conversations in meetings. A local self-advocacy organization might be a place to start.

And if you haven't found this already, here are some resources from the National Down Syndrome sSociety:

http://www.ndss.org/Resources/New-Expectant-Parents/

[ArnoldLayne]

12. No!!

[sharp_stick]

24. Why not?

Downs Syndrome children are among the most loving and happy children you could ever hope to meet.

Perhaps, if it happens.,adoption would be best for the baby. At least then he/she has a shot at being happy.

[ohnoyoudidnt]

26. For what logical reason would you refuse counsel from people dealing with the same issue?

[Iggo]

43. Okay. That's enough.

[KamaAina]

11. I see you are in WV

Occasional DUer Lyric is in Morgantown, and is a disability activist.

[ArnoldLayne]

13. Yes Wheeling, WV.

[KamaAina]

14. Wait a minute. There's only a 1 in 365 chance the baby will have Down's?

The chance before any testing was done was 1 in 1000.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome

Down syndrome is one of the most common chromosome abnormalities in humans, occurring in about one per 1000 babies born each year.

[ArnoldLayne]

15. What do you mean Doctor said she tested Positive for Downs Syndrome. Her blood count number 1-325 at

12 weeks Pregnant. It should have said she had a Negative result not Positive.

[KamaAina]

16. Sorry, I speak very little medical jargon.

And then mainly in psychiatry. But I did contact Lyric via FB.

[LP2K12]

21. Not an expert but...

They told us my second son would most likely have down syndrome. During an initial ultrasound they saw something that worried them and then we opted to let them test. The test came back with an elevated number that led the doctor to believe our child would have down syndrome.

He was born without the condition. We opted to not have our third child tested during pregnancy because of all the stress.

[woodsprite]

22. AL, this sounds like it was the initial screening

test that she had. My cousin is an obstetrical
nurse. When I had the initial screening, she told me that they are designed to be extra sensitive and
err in the positive rather than totally missing
diagnosis. They will probably offer you additional testing (nuchal fold test and amniocentesis, maybe
even more). The genetics counselor will take a
thorough history, so you may want to check with
family if you're unsure of your families medical history. The more info you can give them, the better evaluation they can do. I was 37 (considered elderly in the maternity world) and failed both initial screenings (gestational diabetes and genetic).

Sending you and your girlfriend all the calming thoughts I can.

[ArnoldLayne]

25. Thank you very much, I appreciate it greatly you made me feel much better.

[MADem]

34. This is an issue for the woman carrying the child. She can consult with you, as the father, but

it's her body, her choice. Her decision.

I think she'd do well to wait and talk to an expert. It sounds to my uninformed, admittedly, ear, that she is still in the "slightly elevated risk" category, not "Oh nooooo...this child will mos' def' be a Downs child!" 1:365 is still long odds.

It's for the mother to decide--you should try to support her as much as possible and lay off the xanax and beer--that's not a good example to set for a child, certainly, and it's never too soon to get into good habits....and it's a dangerous combination, alcohol and pharmaceuticals. It can kill if you're not careful.

[MissB]

27. I'm sure it's going to be tough to wait until Feb 12.

Hang in there. I can't remember at which week an amniocentesis is possible- but Google says 15-20 weeks. That would tell you much more than you're getting now which seems to be odds instead of diagnosis.

At any rate, it may be good for you and your girlfriend to sit down and discuss what-ifs in the next few days. Dh was 38 and I was 30 when I had our second son. We'd discussed possible termination based on genetic abnormalities, if it came to that.

I realize that not everyone feels that viewpoint is right, but DH and I were on the same page on that. It helps to know how you'll deal with this as a couple- no matter whether you're thinking of raising a child with Downs or termination. It's a choice only the two of you should make together, but if you haven't discussed it yet then you may just have to come to terms to what she wants to do.

My coworker is the same age as me, and her husband is the same age as my husband. My youngest is now nearly 17, and my coworker's son is 2. Obviously she waited a lot longer than I did to start a family, but all is well. An increased risk is just that.

Best of luck as you and your girlfriend sort out your feelings and your future, whatever that may bring.

[MissB]

28. Also I should say that while an amnio

does carry a certain risk of miscarriage, I found one to be well worth it. Actually, I had like ten or so during the course of my second pregnancy, so I'm not afraid at all of that particular procedure.

(Our second pregnancy was considered high risk because of my 'advanced maternal age' - I was 30- and because my fetus was at risk for becoming anemic during the pregnancy. Amnios were used at that time to monitor that.)

[mnhtnbb]

29. I was a 35 yo first time mom

in 1986 and we did amniocentesis. My husband was almost 44 at the time. Everything was ok.

I would suggest you hang in there until an amnio can be done and think positive. After all, the odds they gave you are 364/365 that
the baby will NOT have Down's Syndrome. And it would be a good time while you are waiting for that appointment to talk about
and find out about Down's and what it means in terms of parenting. But, other things can happen, too. Our youngest son--who was
born when I was 39 and dad was 47--turned out to have a juvenile genetic form of macular degeneration that caused him to lose significant
sight when he was 9. No history in either of our families, but there you have it since my husband and I were both carriers. We did NOT do amnio with him, because his sister had been stillborn at 21 weeks and there was some question whether the amnio we did on her had something to do with me going in to
labor at 21 weeks (turned out the amnio had nothing to do with it). I felt something was wrong with my second son--at 17 weeks--and sure
enough it was (with me) and I ended up on bedrest for 4 1/2 months, but he was born healthy at 38 weeks --no Down's and we hadn't done an amnio.

on edit: the second son--who is legally blind and has 20/200 vision due to his Stargardt's disease--is now a second year grad student at Yale School of
Drama. He never let his sight problems get in the way of doing something he wanted to do, other than driving of course, but he is a very talented
and hard working guy. His attitude has been that everybody has to deal with something, so you just adapt and get on with doing what you want to
and can do. That attitude has served him well.

[MrsMatt]

30. IIRC, the initial test has a very high probability of false positive readings

Both of my pregnancies (aged 34 and 42), I had positive reading for increased risk for Downs Syndrome. I opted for amnio tests later to verify.

Both babies were perfectly fine and healthy.

Granted, my most recent knowledge is 11 years out of date; I always thought NT scan just a predictor of increased risk, and NOT a definitive test.

[mrmpa]

32. Since you're in the Wheeling area.......

check out the services at Magee Womens Hospital in Pittsburgh

http://www.upmc.com/locations/hospitals/magee/Pages/default.aspx

[Bucky]

35. You have my sympathies. But Downies aren't all bad news

Yes, there are many many stressful challenges for parents raising kids with Down's Syndrome. I've been a teacher for over 20 years and have worked with Downies on several occasions. They are joyful, enthusiastic kids--full of life, positivity, and optimism. There is also a wide range of abilities w/o the Downs community. It is not the end of the world. You can look forward to amazing moments of discovery and accomplishment. It will change your life, but any kid will do that. I would recommend, if you end up raising a Down's child, also having a second child. The sibs of Downies learn amazing lessons and the children with Downs Syndrome benefit from the watching a younger sib learn and grow. Plus you avoid the whole "little emperor" problem that all singleton kids suffer from.

[KamaAina]

42. Hey! I resemble that remark!

Plus you avoid the whole "little emperor" problem that all singleton kids suffer from.

[Bucky]

50. No offence intended, your madge

I was tired. I should've said "that some singleton kids suffer from"

That said, whenever I see a young couple planning to have a family, I always tell them have at least two kids and if they don't want to go thru childbirth again, they can always adopt.

[UTUSN]

37. The 2 of you are going to receive more love than you could ever imagine

[ArnoldLayne]

40. And what the hell is that suppose to mean?

[WinkyDink]

38. Not quite sure what you're seeking here. Advice? Solace? Cheers?

[ArnoldLayne]

39. What percentage is 1 out 365 chance and why would you even

Last edited Thu Jan 28, 2016, 02:19 PM - Edit history (1)

say Cheers?

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

41. 1 in 365 is about 0.27%

A 1% chance in 1 in 100. A 0.1% chance is 1 in a 1,000.

To me this is not something you want to ignore but not even close to something to actively worry about.
Best wishes for everything.

From wiki:

Maternal age affects the chances of having a pregnancy with Down syndrome.[100] At age 20, the chance is one in 1441; at age 30, it is one in 959; at age 40, it is one in 84; and at age 50 it is one in 44.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome

[ArnoldLayne]

44. Thank you very much I feel better now. I'm not very

good at figuring out percentages. That was very helpful and I have no need to worry anymore considering it was a Screening whatever that is. We meet with a Geneticist Feb.12 for the actual test.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

48. You're welcome

Often the medical folks can sound like they're making things into a word problem in high school algebra.

My wife had gall bladder surgery a long time ago and they initially told her that, due to a breathing related risk factor, she was twice as likely to develop complications from anesthesia. To put that into perspective, the surgeon told her that the average risk was 1 in 1,000 or 0.1% and her risk was 1 in 500 or 0.2%. Double the risk never sounds good but when it's tiny to begin with, there's no sense getting upset.

I'm not really knowledgeable but I know that an indication can often mean multiple things.

Best wishes for a good result.

[ArnoldLayne]

49. Now see once again you put things or situations in a positive

Perspective. I am very thankful for your input and also I can understand what you went through. You were very helpful and I appreciate it very much. I'm glad things turned out fine for you and your wife. You are a very wise and good person the way you explained it to me.

[mentalsolstice]

45. Have you considered that there are so many disabilities your child could have?

I understand your concern about the chances of having a child with DS. it is one of those disabilities that parents often learn about early enough in the pregnancy and then comes the gut-wrenching decision to continue carrying the fetus or aborting. If it comes to that, I wish your girlfriend many thoughts as she decides what to do. It is ultimately her decision, and if she decides to carry to term, you'll have to decide what kind of father you will be.

However, I have to question your attitude here. You do realize that even though it may turn out she gets a negative result for DS, children can incur a myriad of disabilities before, during and after birth. A walk through any neonatal ward or children's hospital will confirm that. Are you able to accept a child with a disability, go through the challenges, while accepting the joys such a child can bring you? Your negativity towards some of the answers and advice given to you here tells me you may not be such a man. And I kind of agree with trof's answer above, maybe your age and state of mind puts you out of the league of being a loving provider for such a child.

Best wishes to your girlfriend and yourself.

[ArnoldLayne]

47. Mentalsolstice I have just sent an alert because of your insensitive and

Judgmental rude remark.

[mentalsolstice]

51. Well, I'm still here. Judgmental and rude, nope. Realistic, yes.

I was born with a mild disability, barely noticeable. I was lucky in how much my dad encouraged me, especially when it came to education (can't say other family members had the same positive outlook). As a result, I went to law school, and went onto represent children and adults with disabilities, under laws like the IDEA & the ADA. I've met many parents with children who had disabilities, many who were unprepared. Not a one ever expressed their disappointment, they adored their children and the joy they brought into their lives.

I don't know your girlfriend. However, if she were to receive a diagnosis for a child with DS, I would support whatever decision she made. I just question whether you're ready for a child with DS. As others here have said, if she decides to carry to term, it wouldn't be the end of the world. With advances in medicine, early intervention and education, individuals with DS can live productive lives, not to mention they can be the most loving, loyal and pleasant people to around. I've met many a person with DS who had more common sense, compassion and, yes, intelligence than some the neanderthals walking this earth. The big question, are you ready to be a parent. Children can be imperfect in so many ways. And parents need to be prepared for that possibility....in fact, I wish more would take that into consideration before deciding to procreate.

Again, best wishes to your girlfriend for a healthy pregnancy, and baby, no matter what the prognosis.

[demmiblue]

46. As an aside, please try to look after your own health.

Taking care of a child is really hard work even for young families. Taking care of a teenager at 65+...

Being around for your grandchildren is priceless.