Do you give sh*t about what others think of you?

[ConcernedCanuk]

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This could be interesting:



CC

[Kali]

1. of course

anybody that denies it is probably lying to themselves

[grilled onions]

55. No Is My Knee Jerk Reaction

And the reason being is because, as a kid, all I ever heard was "What would the neighbors say?" if I sat a certain way outside. "What would the relatives say?" if they knew I was not dating,did lousy in school or did not have a "career" mapped out. "What would people think?" if I wore certain colors, hung around with only one or two close friends,was out past ten p.m.. The fact was in her paranoid state people were watching my every move and I was supposed to act and react accordingly. Meh. If they didn't like me,didn't understand me--oh well. Now that I look back many decades later I have to wonder just how I was supposed to look,act or think that would not attract unwanted attention. Everyone is unique. Deal with it,enjoy it,understand it or not.

[nolabear]

57. The people in one's head are not people, just a reflection of hope and fear.

Not that real people don't match up to those sometimes, but I feel for you, having to act in response to someone else's fantasy. Parents have such a shaping effect, whether in action or reaction!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

70. hey ... question

The people in one's head are not people, just a reflection of hope and fear.

is this a schizophrenic's way of dealing with hope and fear to that point?

also, a multiple personality would do this, too - right?

[nolabear]

75. Well, yes and no, mostly no.

Schizophrenia is a disease of the brain. Its manifestations might well show up in variations on the sufferers hope and fear. But it can get a long way from anything we understand, too. Hallucinations do reflect reality in that you likely won't hallucinate anything you have never seen. But they can be dreamlike and hard to comprehend.

Multiple Personality Disorder, or Dissociative Identity Disorder is thought to be a fragmenting of the mind in the face of unabsorbable trauma. The trauma is contained in bits, handled by bits, that if they were all connected without enough safety and treatment to make it bearable, would possibly not function at all, i.e. catatonia or suicide or complete breakdown. There's a whole lot of disagreement about it, but I believe it. And those bits probably do reflect hopes and fears--certainly fears, and I think maybe everything that dares to exist at all reflects hope.

In my previous post the "people" aren't as powerful in the form that resembles the originals themselves as they are in those unconscious identifications and rebellions and such.

Just my two cents.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

78. hey

can I shoot you a PM about this...cos it is getting off topic of the OP.

I am understanding you, I think and it is leading to more questions if that is OK.

If not, I understand.

Thanks.

[nolabear]

79. I can't give professional advice. That was just a short course. So it depends.

You are welcome to ask and I'll tell you if I can answer!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

80. not advice ... just general questions about psychology from a medical aspect.

like the schizophrenia ... is an actual organic disease/malfunction of the brain?

is there some kind of test for that? blood or some physical evidence of schizophrenia?

that type of thing.

[nolabear]

82. Sure.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

83. thanks.

give me a minute.

[Wait Wut]

63. Some, maybe.

But, I can honestly say 'no'. There are those who love me, those that hate me, those that tolerate me. If I worried about each groups opinions of me, I'd have to develop multi-personality disorder.

I can only be the person I am.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I really do care. It's unfortunate...

I've allowed evil people to influence me, and it sucks.

Pass the popcorn, please!

[Locut0s]

29. It's hard to admit isn't it?...

As I replied in my post for me it's just about at the level of a mental condition but even so it's hard to admit. I like to think I'm the type who doesn't care but the opposite is very much true a lot of the time.

Do you really mean evil people?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

31. Maybe evil is too strong...

But unpleasant works too...

Thanks.

[Locut0s]

32. Sorry to hear that. I'm glad to hear it sounds like past tense...

*Hugs*

[Lady Freedom Returns]

3. I used to...

Then I realized something.

It was one of the lessons I learned hiding in a port-o-potty. The only thing that matters is you. Not what people think. Not what they do (unless it messes with you). All we have is within this body. And that is what matters.

[ConcernedCanuk]

8. "All we have is within this body."

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That is profound!

and I like it.

CC

[Lady Freedom Returns]

23. Amazing what one relizes @ 3 am in a Port-o-potty...

hiding from a guy with a gun and a bunch of cops that look like they should be in a war zone.

My So was in the VA Hospital due to complications with his thyroid. The Sally was out of beds and no way to get to the other shelter here in town in time.

I was alone and scared. Never did I feel so helpless. It was due to this feeling I saw things in a new way.

May no one EVER have to get an epiphany in that way!

[arcane1]

4. Not anymore

Though I once gave a shit about not giving a shit, so at this time I give not a shit

[femmocrat]

5. Not very much.

I kind of care at work, but not anywhere else.

[MadrasT]

6. Professionally, yes. Personally, no. (n/t)

[tinymontgomery]

9. My view exactly

n/t

[Kali]

12. I'm more petty

if somebody proves themselves unworthy then fuck them, I hold grudges.

I will give a person more benefit of the doubt than almost anyone I have ever come across - to the point I annoy my friends, family and others around me, but once they finally go over that distant line...fuck them.

[ConcernedCanuk]

14. +1!

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CC

[Kali]

18. erm...

you mean you DO try to work past it?

I know it is wrong and unhealthy, but I don't forget things very easily. to be fair, I am just as hard on myself as those I finally decide are just fucking assholes - I am aware of my flaws, for sure!

[ConcernedCanuk]

13. "Once, someone proves to be not worthy of my time then,

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.

No I do not give a shit at all. "

perfect!



CC

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

10. I try not to.

[ConcernedCanuk]

17. Personally, whether it is a "collective" or a single individual

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I don't care!

If they don't like me,

they can go ____ themselves.

I'm pretty sure you can fill in the blank.

CC

[Generic Brad]

22. Not really

I am more cautious online than I am in person.

[Downwinder]

24. Not nearly as much since I got sick.

[In_The_Wind]

47. I hope you're doing ok.

[BlueJazz]

25. Depends on who's there.

[LadyHawkAZ]

26. Depends who it is

The opinion of a few close friends and family is important to me. People in general? Nope.

[ConcernedCanuk]

42. yup - same here

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CC

[Locut0s]

27. To the point where it's a mental condition. Oddly on the flip side...

I care so much about what people think of me when it comes to things like my personality, intelligence etc that it's something of a mental condition. Social anxiety is basically the fear of social interactions because one feels that they are constantly being judged and negatively assessed. People with social anxiety want desperately to fit in and be liked but are terrified of being rejected.

However interestingly over the years I've developed quite the opposite feeling about other aspects of my life. I care less and less what people think of me when it comes to my interests, my political views etc. I'm an intelligent nerd and proud of it and I don't give a fuck if others don't like that aspect. Some of this may be something of a kickback / defence mechanism response to the social anxiety I suffer from above.

[hunter]

28. No, and my life is always seriously fucked up because of it.

All these dramas I ignite but can't see. I never know 'till they punch me in the face or kiss me.

I even got diagnosed with Asperger syndrome on top of my other crazies. I write okay, but "the real world" people tend to respond to me like I'm a bit odd. "Eccentric" would be the nice word.

In social situations I always feel like an actor. I got to be pretty good at acting, even good enough to be a crazy science teacher, but now "acting normal" just makes me tired. Nobody should have to act. We're all people, we all have our own quirks.

Autistic stuff is genetic in my family. My grandfather was a rocket scientist. His dad was a mining engineer who rarely spoke. We know little about him. He created his own personal history but it's sparse and undocumented. Somewhere back somebody jumped off a ship and swam to freedom or married an Irish woman. Move to the Wild West, nobody will find you there.

A couple of my grandfather's siblings and cousins were not functional in normal society, they were invisible, supported by the family, staring at the ants on the tree bark, not talking at family picnics. My grandfather wasn't much functional in his personal life but his obsessions meshed nicely with World War II aeronautics and the space race. He was a U.S. Army Air Force Major who could get amphetamine addicted mathematicians or numerous belligerent drunks out of jail if he had to, all deemed essential to the war effort. After the war he worked on the space program. He created a few parts in the Saturn Five engines and the Apollo command module. Neil Armstrong's first step on the moon was his proudest moment.

My dad is an artist. He had a good union job, he is now retired.

I'm not sure what I am, but no I don't care what other's think. I just try to do what's right.

[ConcernedCanuk]

41. your last line sounds like me!

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"I'm not sure what I am, but no I don't care what other's think. I just try to do what's right."

CC

[Midwestern Democrat]

30. Not really - as Popeye the Sailor Man says, "I Yam what I Yam". N/T

[cliffordu]

33. Only online.

In the real world I look like Jesus on a dog butt.....so there ain't much to care about

[ConcernedCanuk]

40. I just HAD to respond to this . . .

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.

"I look like Jesus on a dog butt"

LOL

saw a "share" on Facebook a few days back that was a picture of just that!

still chuckling



CC

[In_The_Wind]

44. The photo you sent me must have been of someone else then ...

Cause the first photo was a handsome dude.

[hibbing]

34. More so than I would like to

Hi,
Yes, I do not want to be think of as rude, mean, or uncaring. Out of many faults that I freely admit to, if someone thought me any of those three, I would feel bad.

Interesting question, and I'm enjoying the responses, thanks.

Peace

[onestepforward]

35. Just a little.

I'm a kind and friendly person and try to treat everyone with respect. I few times I've met someone who just didn't like me and all the above didn't matter. There's not much I can do with that, so I let it go, but I'm always glad that I tried.

[rrneck]

36. Not really.

What people think of me often as not depends on what they think they can get out of me. Someone smarter than me once said something like, "I would rather people hate me for the right reasons than love me for the wrong ones".

[Blue_In_AK]

37. I care about what certain family members and friends think of me,

so I treat them well and try not to piss them off, but people in general? Not really. I am who I am.

[ConcernedCanuk]

39. "people in general? Not really. I am who I am."

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.

somehow, your response does not surprise me

Hi Blue!

CC

[Blue_In_AK]

58. I think you and I are not that different.

We'd be good friends in real life.

[JI7]

38. depends on many things

there are some things where i can what only certain people think .

there are some things where i care what almost anyone thinks.

there are some things where i don't care what anyone thinks .

[LeftofObama]

43. Nope.

I've learned over the years that I am my own best friend. I don't need nor do I seek approval from anybody for anything. I try to do what's right and be nice to people, but that's all I can do.

[In_The_Wind]

46. !

[In_The_Wind]

45. I did cause I was a people pleaser now:

[img][/img]

now


I don't give a flying fuck cause I like me better this way.

[libodem]

64. I love that sign!

And I totally wish it were me. I want people to like me and I have been a 'people pleaser' in this lifetime.

The older I get the less I care, though.

[In_The_Wind]

66. My time on MIRT plus a few more things that have transpired this year was the turning point.

One person who I trusted with the truth in my heart betrayed me. That person hurt some of the people I care about just to cause me pain in my heart. I withdrew, became angry, became confrontational ... in short ... lost faith in my judgment of others and didn't like myself in the process.
[img][/img]I'm happier with the five or six people I can trust than a dozen hypocrites, who smile to my face while turning a knife in my back. The ones who would use me because I chose to trust the wrong individuals. At 64, I'm still being reminded that the only one I can really trust is myself. It's sad but it's a truth about my life.
I still give everyone a chance, until they prove by their actions to be unworthy of my time and friendship. Then they become ghost to me. I can no longer remember their names or faces.

[libodem]

71. Wow, I didn't know you had recently been through

So much, sister. Having one's trust violated is the most cruel cut of all. Forgiveness, to free your own heart, is the best mental health therapy, in the world. You are a wise woman.

[In_The_Wind]

72. I'm too old to waste my time crying over what is lost and can never be fixed.

Thank you libodem.

[libodem]

74. The best revenge

Is living well. Don't ever let the bastards get you down!

[ConcernedCanuk]

90. +1!

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CC

[raccoon]

48. Professionally, yes. Personally--if the person is close to me I do care.

If they're not, most of the time I don't care.

But sometimes I do--and I wish I didn't. I'm talking about cases where people are casual acquaintances, and
I'll think sometimes, What will people think if I do such-and-such? They'll think I'm some kind of weirdo.

I wish I didn't because these people aren't really friends. But I do. I'm trying to get out of that.

Dale Carnegie said, "people are not thinking about me. People are not thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves.
They are a thousand times more concerned about a headache they have than they would be about the news of your or my death."

IMO, he was right.

[ConcernedCanuk]

87. "People are not thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves."

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sadly, that's almost always the case.

Although I try to take people at face value,

I'm much more cautious now than I was 10 years ago to let them into my World.

Sorta sad really, it felt nice trusting everyone.

CC

[Iggo]

49. I must.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

88. of all the replies I love the simplicity of yours the best, Iggo. So much can be read into

those two words.

I care about people but, I can not and (will not) force them to think good about me.
I don't care what some people think about ANYTHING much less little ole me.

[Sheldon Cooper]

50. I care alot when it's people that I love: family, loved ones, etc.

I care a little when it's professional.
I care not at all when it's strangers on the internet.

[dr.strangelove]

51. Certain people, of course, but for the most part no

Obviously I care about what my wife and children think of me, likewise I care about what some friends and other family think of me. I care about what my boss thinks of me, to the extent it has an impact on my financial security (eating and paying the mortgage are kind of a big deal). but otherwise, I am who I am. Lik me or not, I do not change who I am. That said, I think I am a good person who tries to help others, so logic says I should expect that most will have a positive feeling about me, but if they do not, it will nto bother me.

[Dash87]

52. Not as much anymore.

I used to have horrible social anxiety and lived the life i thought others wanted me to live, but I'm currently in the mid-stages of my "don't give a fuck" transition.

A side effect of this was becoming a massive nerd.

It's going quite smoothly. I wish I could go and tell my old self how good not giving a fuck is.

[Inkfreak]

53. If I didn't, I suppose I'd be a bit lonely.

To have friends you must on some level I think. I mean its not to the point where I behave in a vastly different manner. But at some point I must give considerations to how others think & feel. So in that sense, yea. I do care what others think. And then I'll conduct myself accordingly.

Example: im about to help a friend finish up fixing a house he's selling. It's the last thing I wanna do. But I don't want him thinking I'm a douche for not volunteering. So imma go pretend I like painting & cleaning. And would not rather be doing anything else. This sounds rather childish I suppose. But if I didn't care what he thought, I'd not help. And of course it's the right thing to do. Help out others. I do realize in my head that its a shitty attitude. But I'm a bit of an asshole I think. So I try to compensate for this by helping out friends & trying to be a good person. To stave off the inner shithead. I prolly need to see a shrink.

[geek tragedy]

54. Some people, yes. Others, fuck no nt

[nolabear]

56. Yes. It's good news/bad news. I want friends, family, advantages, etc.

And those come with being thought well of. I put a high value on honesty and keeping one's promises. And I'm a natural communicator. Helps to have someone with which to communicate.

In general I like people and want to be liked. When I want it too much I worry about losing myself. Happens sometimes. But I fight it.

[RebelOne]

59. No, not any longer. I am 74 years old and could care less. n/t

[LWolf]

60. A little.

Not to the degree that others do. I don't need approval to be content. Sometimes I'd like it if people understood me, and accepted me for who I am.

Really, what others think of us is a function of what they understand about us, and their background experience which endows them with their pov and their biases.

Caring about what others think can be a function of personal insecurity, or simply the human need for connection to others.

[hamsterjill]

61. The older I get

The less I care about what others think. I think it's called "wisdom" maybe??

[ConcernedCanuk]

89. +1

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CC

[Wait Wut]

62. Nope. n/t

[Tom_Foolery]

65. Just the ones whom I respect...

The others, not at all.

[AsahinaKimi]

67. I'm just easy breezy ....

[graham4anything]

68. No, as Sammy Davis Jr. sang "I gotta be me" 24/7/365. nt.

[rug]

69. I only care what cliffordu thinks of me.

[annabanana]

73. Did when I was younger...

Not giving a shit is one of the advantages of aging.

[tavernier]

76. Sure!

It inspires me to comb my hair, put on deodorant and get out of my Jammie's before leaving my house in the morning. And I'm quite happy that most of the ppl I meet during the day care about how I feel about them. Especially the deodorant part.

[Trailrider1951]

77. Nope. My parents are dead, my siblings are nuts (no joke), my boss is an asshole whether I am compl

compliant or not. The only thing remaining is my consciousness. And I'm having issues...

[ConcernedCanuk]

85. +1!

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only difference is

I got no boss.

CC

[ZombieHorde]

81. Yes, I do. nt

[madrchsod]

84. nah...i`m to fucking old to give a shit

don't like me? go fuck yourself...........

nah,really...... i'm a sweetheart

[ConcernedCanuk]

86. "nah,really...... i'm a sweetheart"

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I believe both are possible -

I can be the nicest person in the world, but at my age I do not have time nor patience to try to impress others.

If ya don like me, there's the door.

dat's it.

CC