How Grocery Shopping Can Be Exciting

[Quartermass]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by pacalo (a host of the The DU Lounge forum).

So I just got back from grocery shopping today.

Saw a lot of cute and really good looking girls. now I'm going to be excited for the rest of the day. There's nothing like a large group of pretty girls to get your blood flowing.

This would be a sad world indeed if there weren't any cute girls.

Le sigh.

[HopeHoops]

1. "get your blood flowing" is a bit, well,...

a good thing.



Sadly, most of the women I see in the grocery store are lard-asses yacking on cell phones - and blocking the aisle. On the plus side, I've been married to a fox since '87 and with her since '84. There's still nothing wrong with lookin'. If you stop lookin', you're dead.

[seabeyond]

4. fuckin for real. little girls are getting me hot.... ones i see are lard ass.

really?

it is play day of sexist bullshit crap on du.

lard ass? really. let me see your fuckin ass.

[amyrose2712]

11. Saying girls are pretty is sexist?

The lard ass comment was rude and I can see that as being sexist and mean, but really, I don't see how noticing beauty is a bad thing. Women look at men for the physical appearance too. And about the intent in using term girl and not woman, I would say that also depends on the age of the OP. I didn't see him say little girls. (or she I didn't look) I am a woman and those comments did not make me feel uncomfortable. I am not saying that you are not entitled to your opinion, I am just stating mine. ANd actually the only reason I even am taking notice of this is because of a conversation I had with a dear friend opened my eyes a bit that the weight comments aren't really sexist, they are about weight. Obese men can be subject to criticism and ridicule just as anyone else.

[noamnety]

21. "Obese men can be subject to criticism and ridicule just as anyone else."

They CAN be, hypothetically, but in reality, as a group they aren't.

Think about newstands in the register line, with the weekly rags that have cover stories - "Who has the worst beach body?" I don't recall ever seeing a zoomed in photo of a celebrity male on the beach with giant red arrows pointing to cellulite on their thighs like it was earth shattering and worthy of front page news that they dared to show themselves in public that way. Maybe there have been a couple of exceptions, but 90% of the time, maybe more, it's about critiquing and rating women. That's the reality of our culture.

Now if the OP happened to be at the store and quietly admired to himself how some women looked (without leering), nobody here would have known or had an issue. It was the transition from "hmmm, she's pretty" to "now I will do some male bonding by publishing how awesome it is to leer at hot women who are just trying to go about their own business and get chores done" that brought it to a level of offense.

As for the language choice in calling them girls vs. women, in the first post he made, I could chalk that up to ignorance of how the language can come across as infantilizing to women. But after it was pointed out that it can be considered offensive and why, the insistence on continuing to use that language you now know is offensive becomes deliberate and therefore problematic.

I've had to deal with my own language ignorance at times. I got called out on a Katrina essay I wrote for using the term "refugee" because refugee implied (to some) not just that they were seeking refuge but also something about nationality, that the storm victims weren't "real" americans - and because of the race issues also involved, it was offensive. My first reaction was inwardly defensive and pissed off because I knew I personally meant nothing about that. But when I'm talking about a group of nonprivileged people that I'm not part of, their view of the language outranks mine. So I sucked it up and adjusted my language accordingly from that point on, and eventually internalized what they were saying.

[dana_b]

22. "But when I'm talking about a group of nonprivileged people that I'm not part of

their view of the language outranks mine." Thank you. You learned a valuable lesson and it's one that I hope we all could/will learn.

[HopeHoops]

24. Actually, mine is rather small (no, not THAT).

Perhaps I should have used the term "pear-shaped" instead of "lard-ass". There's a major difference between naturally plump people and McFood people. And the only reason I referenced women is because that's the subject of the OP. Men are just as likely to be pear-shaped and even MORE likely to have a beer gut from hell.

[seabeyond]

25. yes, i get we were talking about little girls that are not developed yet. nt

[HopeHoops]

26. Oh good grief. What if the OP said "chicks"? Bad word choice, sure.

I didn't see anything in the OP that implied underage girls. Hell, my wife and I are both 48 and I still call her "my girl".

[seabeyond]

27. girls, cute girls. yes. implies..... wait for it, here it comes....

GIRLS.

maybe next time he wants to write a post about a all day hard on, he will think twice referencing children.

[HopeHoops]

29. I still say you're reading too much into it.

I can look at a girl (young woman) my daughters' ages (also young women) and think she's cute, but that doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to her anymore than I am to a cute puppy. Santorum might be another matter, but most guys (boys if you want) are attracted to females in close proximity to their own age. When I met my wife in '84, I wasn't interested in older women (MILFs if you want), but now that we're older she's all I'm attracted to. You introduced the pedophilia connotation, not me and not the OP. AsahiniKimi just recently posted a link to the video "Bring the Boys Out", S.K. all female group, and about the only thing they say in English is "Girls bring the boys out" - they are all clearly "of age". It's just a choice of words. How about "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"? That's definitely not about being under age.

Your thoughts?

On Edit: I used the word "women", not "girls" in my first post on this thread.

[seabeyond]

30. come on hope, excited forthe rest of day, blood flowing, girls

he picked the words. want to buddy bond. i didnt introduce pedophilia connotation. the poster gave it to us.

this is what happened. it FEELS like he is saying, i went to the store and all these hot girls turned me on for the rest of the day. and really, i get a picture of an old man standing there looking at girls getting turned on. not a pretty picture.

if people think it is creepy, then they should say creepy. someone has to say enough, with the creepy on the net.

and milf... is another cute little males wanting to bond, shit. so again, if women want to deflate that cute little milf, why the hell not. men use it putting women in their place, women should put the men who use it in their place.

[HopeHoops]

31. I took it as a young guy view of things. Sure, I like sex, but I'm not a "superior male".

I have three daughters. I have a long-term wife (only marriage for either of us). We're best friends. Her father was a strong advocate of women as equals to men. So am I. That doesn't rule out sexual attraction from either side. We raised our daughters to be individuals and not take shit from anyone. They're all 2nd degree black belts and my wife is a 3rd degree. She puts me in my place when I need to be put there. And yes, she qualifies for a "MILF" now. She constantly complains about her body and I consistently respond with compliments because I don't see the things she's worried about. I just see a beautiful girl, one who happens to be 48.

And yes, I picked up on the "blood flowing" thing (rather obvious). I had all day boners when I was younger. Now it's mostly morning wood that makes it impossible to pee. I think that's a cruel joke of evolution. I've also got a geezer box (4x7) full of pills. I hate having to take them, but that's life. Give the OP a break. He already apologized for the choice of words. And yes, guys will be guys - pretty much equivalent to "guys are assholes", something I will not dispute.

[seabeyond]

32. you raised three girls, i am raising two boys.

and no, they dont get a special out of jail free cause, boys are boys. they dont get to be raised that their sexuality is all that and a womens is secondary to his and only for his entertainment. they dont get to degrade adn demean, dehumanize to bond with the boys and entertain themselves. but, you can thank me, cause they will also know the empowerment of your daughters and their worth beyond the boys wants. and treat her with respect, in all their horniness.

from previous posts, i do not see this poster as a young man, but quite the opposite. if it is not true, correct me. but the picture in my brain is not pretty

men dont take seriously womens issue about the way they are talked to on the net, or the way our gender is talked about on the net. fine. when i see a 15 yr old girl put up a nonprovocative picture and grown men go on a wild spree of how they want to rape her, i am not gonna say boys will be boys.

i have listened to post after post and read thread after thread, of women being dehumanized and men telling us women to STFU and take it. cause du is for fun, and we are ruining THEIR fun. know what? ruining our fun being talked about like a fuck.

love you dude. i really do. i think you are such a kick ass MAN, not person but man. i get what you are saying, with aging. doing it myself. but today is not yesterday of two decades where a group of young kids strip down and skinny dip in a pool for play. today the boys stay clothed, line up, and chant boobies boobies, clapping their hands, jumping on tippy toes for the weemenz to entertain them

maybe men ought to let up on their own self interest and allow it a two way street.

[HopeHoops]

33. LOL! Love you too. We're on the same page.

"chant boobies boobies" cracked me up. I'm one of those "natural tits" guys and double-stuffed oreos just aren't attractive (and look painful). And yes, it is a male-dominated society. Just turn on the tube. The guys can look like shit and nobody cares but the women all have to have fake boobs, too much makeup, and bouncy hair just to get on the air. It isn't just FOX, they all do that. The dumber a woman looks, the better. It's depressing. I only see TV when I'm out (or if I watch a clip on the net), but that's the standard now and pretty much always was. SNL poked fun at that in the late 70's - "Jane you ignorant slut." That really summed up the way TV presented women.

Unfortunately, we live in an overly overt society of sexuality. Yes, it is male-oriented, but it also gives young girls the impression that they have to be slutty. My wife teaches kindergarten and she's had to turn off the Wii dance thing because the girls (5 year old kids here) do pelvic movements while running their hands through their hair and the boys do pelvic thrusts. I didn't even know what a pelvic thrust WAS when I was 5.

Sure, I'm a guy. I like tits. I like cute butts, and well, other parts. But women like certain parts too. I wasn't the one who initiated things this morning, but damn was it good. And yes, if you stop looking, you're dead. That goes both ways. My wife has no problem with me saying a girl is cute (like 23 or so) because she knows I'm just commenting on her as a person, not necessarily how she looks. She's not threatened by that because she knows I'm not prowling. She's just as likely as I am to point it out.

By the way. When you have a boy, you worry about one dick. When you have a girl, you worry about every dick in town. When my third daughter was born, someone said it was God's way of paying me back. Fortunately that hasn't proven to be true. They're good kids and rather conservative (in that respect).

[HuckleB]

37. You have to be kidding me.

You really posted that tripe?

[noamnety]

2. girls?

or women?

[seabeyond]

5. little girls are hot... women are lard asses. welcome to the new du. nt

[noamnety]

6. I'm starting to think the goal here

is to make the women feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

[seabeyond]

7. make the women feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

it certainly feels that way. i had hubby read this one. it is on the disgust scale.

[noamnety]

8. The Male Gaze

Going back to PeaceNikki's recent post:

"Men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at. This determines not only most relations between men and women but also the relation of women to themselves. The surveyor of woman in herself is male: the surveyed female. Thus she turns herself into an object—and most particularly an object of vision: a sight. (John Berger, Ways of Seeing, 1977). "

I can't imagine why men think that emphasizing the idea that women exist - and should exist - to be continually objectified and rated by men is a way to interact with women as equals. Even better is when they do that for a year, or a few years, and then sit around scratching their heads wondering why there aren't more women involved in running or participating in their political movement/forum/whatever.

[seabeyond]

9. or we can discuss mens behavior on the net, talking to a 15 yr old girl. why? because they can

It’s depressingly predictable. When an instance of misogyny gets pointed out on the Internet, in a forum big enough to garner more than a couple dozen comments, you’re almost guaranteed to see some or all of these types of comments. It’s happening now. In case you haven’t heard, there was a recent incident on Reddit/ atheism, in which a 15-year-old girl posted a photo of herself holding a copy of Carl Sagan’s Demon-haunted World that her mother had given her for Christmas… and was almost immediately targeted with a barrage of sexualized, dehumanizing, increasingly violent and brutal comments. Including — TRIGGER WARNING! — “Well 15 is legal in many places, including my country, so I’ll only have to deal with abduction charges.” “Relax your anus, it hurts less that way.” “Blood is mother nature’s lubricant.” “Tears, natures lubricant.” “BITE THE PILLOW, IM GOIN’ IN DRY!” And including comments blaming the girl for posting a picture of herself in the first place.

That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that, when an instance of misogyny is being discussed, and you don’t disagree in the slightest that it really was misogyny? When an instance of misogyny is being discussed, and it would be obvious to anyone but a sociopathic hyena on meth that it really was misogyny? When — oh, just for example — a freaking 15-year-old girl posts a picture of herself with a book by Carl Sagan to an online atheist community, and gets targeted with a barrage of sexualized, dehumanizing, increasingly violent and brutal comments, including threats of blood-soaked anal rape?

Please, for the sweet love of Loki and all the gods in Valhalla, when someone points out how terrible and misogynistic that is, do not change the subject.

Please just say, “That is terrible. That is completely unacceptable. That is not how civilized human beings treat one another. Anyone who did that owes that girl the most groveling apology in their repertoire. If they don’t make an apology in the next six nanoseconds, they ought to be shunned. That sort of behavior is absolutely not to be tolerated.”

http://skepchick.org/2011/12/reddit-makes-me-hate-atheists/

http://skepchick.org/2011/12/reddit-makes-me-hate-atheists/

[amyrose2712]

12. I don't see what he said comparable to those nasty comments Most of which were probably writing for

shock value and to one up the previous post. Not that I am defending them in any way. I just think the comparison is a bit exaggerated.

[kentauros]

3. There appears to be a theme running through Lounge threads today...

[amyrose2712]

14. I don't think that you said anything wrong.

I love looking at men I find attractive. As does just about everyone else. Of course everyone has there own taste. I have a think for Steve Bucsemi. But that doesn't mean I don't think Johnny Depp is HOT!

[amyrose2712]

15. Of course, I am only going by this post. I don't know if

in other posts you have given reason for people to take offense to your commnet.

[seabeyond]

16. excited rest of the day, blood flowing, girls.... all in same sentence

ya

it bothered me

still, i wasnt going to post anything until the fuckin lard asses.

[Phentex]

18. but don't you pity him all the same?...

THIS is what gets him excited? I feel sorry for him.

[seabeyond]

20. ya, i pity him. nt

[Quartermass]

19. I often disagree with people on these forums and often have my own point of view.

That alone is enough for some people to get offended.

But thank you.

I'm sorry for my language.

[cyberswede]

17. Well, women are adults

And girls are children.

I realize your post was light-hearted and that you probably didn't mean to offend (which is why I didn't respond to your OP), but just because you use the terms interchangeably doesn't mean other people do.

You probably didn't realize that calling women "girls" is insulting to women; it infantilizes fully grown adults, and implies that women are somehow not the equal of full grown men.

Maybe you could examine your choice of words next time.

[cliffordu]

23. Alerted.

[Odin2005]

28. Nothing like a little misogyny in the morning.

[HuckleB]

36. +1

[PassingFair]

34. I don't know what to say. This post is so pathetic and yet so open and naive.

You should keep these kinds of thought processes to yourself, Quartermass.

Women and/or girls do not like to think that we are providing masturbatory
imagery for you just by walking around and shopping and living OUR LIVES.

Please keep these fantasies to yourself.

If there weren't any "cute girls", you would probably make do with "cute boys".

Flesh is flesh.

[HuckleB]

35. Seriously?

Wow!

[pacalo]

38. I'm locking this due to the contentiousness of the debate ("no drama").