My Soon-to-be-Ending Life in China (going back to Korea or Thailand in February)
Chinese maturity in a few easy lessons:
1: How do you, as a young man, deal with being dumped?
American: Find another girl as soon as possible.
Chinese: Go to the girl's workplace, spread rumors, get asked to leave, create a scene then start a fistfight with the people asking you to leave, then save face and blame everyone else for getting in the way of your fists (I shit you not!)
2: How do you go up and get off an escalator?
American: Step forward, wait, step forward.
Chinese: Stand at the foot and stare at it like you never saw one before, slowly put one foot down on it, then take it off after it starts moving. Build up the nerve to stand on it, then get to the top and decide where do go by blocking all traffic behind you?
3: How do you watch someone eat chicken?
American: We don't. Who gives a rat's ass?
Chinese: Watch the foreigner each chicken in utter amazement that the foreigner can do it, then laugh as he swallows.
4: How do you help a customer find something they need in a store?
American: Ask what the person wants, then direct them to the aisle and location.
Chinese: Instantly say "we don't have." Then when confronted (like looking for mouse pads in a computer store) with your laziness, point in a general direction with four fingers and say "it's over there." Then walk away.
5: How do you drive down a one way street?
American: Following the right of way, slowly, stopping for all those that have right of way (bicycles, pedestrians), drive in the correct direction.
Chinese: Ignoring all traffic laws because the traffic police are sound asleep or drunk in their little kiosks, drive as fast as you can down the wrong side of the street because u-turns are a loss of face, beeping your horn at anything that dares get in your way.
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