What NOT to Say to a Teen Girl on Thanksgiving
What NOT to Say to a Teen Girl on Thanksgiving
As the mother of two teenage daughters, Ive struggled through a few holiday dinners that began as fun and festive and quickly turned awkward and painful. Ive watched older family members start off with what they thought was good-natured teasing and seen one teenager or another grow more sullen and unresponsive as the meal went on. It is possible to see them literally shrink in their chairs as other family members pile on because, lets face it, teens are an easy target. They get defensive, feel misunderstood most of the time, and have relatively little power in the family hierarchy.
Unfortunately, one such meal can set the tone for an entire holiday weekend and virtually ensure that youll be met with a cold shoulder or distant politeness or, worse, eye rolls and open hostility. If you want to make a real connection with the teenage girl in your life this holiday, here are a few tips from a mother who has soothed her daughters hurt feelings more times than she cares to count.
1. Dont assume that just because your niece/granddaughter/friend is a teenage girl, she is interested in watching your children for hours on end while you go drink wine with the rest of the family and get a break. She may well enjoy spending time with your toddlers playing games, coloring and watching Frozen for the 437th time, but she also enjoys being part of the adult conversations going on. Thats how she learns to interact with adultsand her opinions are important for the adults in the group to hear as well.
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3. Please dont ask her if she has a boyfriend, especially if you do it with a certain tone of voice or a wink and a smile. Again, if she wants to talk about her love life, she will bring it up on her own. Intimating that you are truly interested in this aspect of her life will either feel incredibly personal and a little too familiar (even creepy), or it will put her on the defensive and lead her to wonder whether youll follow up by telling her shes too young to be in a serious relationship.
4. Dont comment on her wardrobe or physical appearance before you ask her how she is or tell her its good to see her again. In fact, unless she has a new haircut (or hair color) or a pair of boots you want to try on because they are so awesome, it might be wise to abstain from talking about her physical appearance at all. Girls get plenty of reinforcement from the world at large about the importance of their looks. If you want to connect with her on a personal level, it would be really great to talk about who she is and what her interests are, instead.
5. Dont comment on her plate. Dont point out that she is eating mostly carbs or five desserts or avoiding the greens like the plague. Again, teenage girls are so conditioned to think about food that spending a holiday with people who love them ought to be devoid of any of that nonsense. Trust me, anything you say will only make her feel bad about herself.
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http://msmagazine.com/blog/2015/11/25/what-not-to-say-to-a-teen-girl-on-thanksgiving/
bananas
(27,509 posts)niyad
(113,302 posts)phantom power
(25,966 posts)No, I do not want to explain why I do, or don't, have a girlfriend. Or when we are going to be engaged, or married, or have children, etc, etc etc.
roscoeroscoe
(1,370 posts)Great message. We need to be prepared to jump in and keep things easy going.
hopemountain
(3,919 posts)"have you been dieting? it really shows!!!" - per my daughter "mom, they don't even ask how i'm doing, first!"
her response with plenty of snark "i've had mono for the past 3 months. didn't dad tell you i was hospitalized for 2 weeks?"
niyad
(113,302 posts)wolfie001
(2,228 posts)Unfortunately, so many adults are clueless, braindead and self-absorbed........but there is always hope.
niyad
(113,302 posts)F4lconF16
(3,747 posts)I'm glad this article was published. It makes some fantastic points. Though it's important to realize the differences between genders and how we treat them, most all of this reflects the way I felt as a teen boy during the holidays at one point or another.
#1.
Over and over again. Fuck the kids table. I hated it with a passion. Gonna be pissed if I have to sit there with my young cousins at age 20 this year. Actually, though. It freaking sucks. Not a single interesting bit of conversation to be had. It really kills any fun in the evening.
At least they let me have wine, thank goddess.
niyad
(113,302 posts)indeed!!!
hope your day was a good one.