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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOnion: Mike Pence Vows To Cut Conservation Funding After Discovering Elk Dont Mate For Life
Mike Pence Vows To Cut Conservation Funding After Discovering Elk Dont Mate For Life
http://www.theonion.com/article/mike-pence-vows-cut-conservation-funding-after-dis-55016?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing
WASHINGTONPromising swift action as soon as he takes office, Vice Presidentelect Mike Pence pledged Thursday to strip federal funding for conservation efforts shortly after learning that elk do not mate for life, sources confirmed. One of this administrations top priorities will be eliminating wasteful spending on environmental programs whose goals include the reckless and misguided federal protection of elk, a species of deer that chooses not to engage in a lifelong monogamous bond and instead mates with countless partners throughout its lifetime, said Pence, who expressed his disgust that hundreds of millions of dollars had been earmarked by the previous administration to provide federal protection to the nations wildlands where these animals could enjoy wanton and promiscuous behavior in which they copulate freely among their herds. The United States government cannot continue to provide support to a species whose males, year after year, choose to breed with multiple female partners. If this is the lifestyle these deviant animals seek to pursue, then they should do so without the help of any taxpayer dollars. Pence admitted, however, that he might not slash funding completely, noting that he approved of the fact that elk typically copulate only a few weeks out of the year and then go about a life of complete chastity in between.
http://www.theonion.com/article/mike-pence-vows-cut-conservation-funding-after-dis-55016?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing
WASHINGTONPromising swift action as soon as he takes office, Vice Presidentelect Mike Pence pledged Thursday to strip federal funding for conservation efforts shortly after learning that elk do not mate for life, sources confirmed. One of this administrations top priorities will be eliminating wasteful spending on environmental programs whose goals include the reckless and misguided federal protection of elk, a species of deer that chooses not to engage in a lifelong monogamous bond and instead mates with countless partners throughout its lifetime, said Pence, who expressed his disgust that hundreds of millions of dollars had been earmarked by the previous administration to provide federal protection to the nations wildlands where these animals could enjoy wanton and promiscuous behavior in which they copulate freely among their herds. The United States government cannot continue to provide support to a species whose males, year after year, choose to breed with multiple female partners. If this is the lifestyle these deviant animals seek to pursue, then they should do so without the help of any taxpayer dollars. Pence admitted, however, that he might not slash funding completely, noting that he approved of the fact that elk typically copulate only a few weeks out of the year and then go about a life of complete chastity in between.
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Onion: Mike Pence Vows To Cut Conservation Funding After Discovering Elk Dont Mate For Life (Original Post)
Miles Archer
Jan 2017
OP
Paladin
(28,272 posts)1. My God, it's barely funny, any more. I can see this actually happening.
It would only be slightly more bizarre than what's actually taking place.
Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)2. It's happened to Andy Borowitz, too.
I tend to see most of his work via the "Conservative Clown Car" Facebook page, but it seems like the majority of his latest pieces are also "barely funny." They read like legitimate news stories, no matter how over-the-top he goes.
Paladin
(28,272 posts)3. I never dreamed it could get this bad, this quickly.
I want my country back.
Ilsa
(61,698 posts)4. Trump didn't mate for life. Why should Pence
expect elk to have better morals, which they do, BTW.
Love the onion!