SOLVED: It was a PLASTIC knife

[Tab]

Even if I gave Ben Carson the benefit of just about every doubt I can think of, I can't get past the part of the knife breaking. What cheezy-assed knife does that? And on a belt-buckle no less; not like it was concrete.

But what if it happened in grade school as described, but it was a plastic knife


Then it all makes sense and it "happened" and he could use it for his righteous tale. None of his schoolmates remember it because they were probably laughing too hard at the time.

[Warren DeMontague]

1. Hey; I shot someone as a child!

[beam me up scottie]

2. LOL! Just to watch him die!

[Art_from_Ark]

6. And when I hear that whistle blowing

I hang my head and cry

[beam me up scottie]

9. And I'd let that lonesome whistle

Blow my blues away

[Art_from_Ark]

10. And then, there's Dick Cheney's version

http://partyflock.nl/fr/topic/853201 ick-Cheneys-Folsom-Prison-Blues-A-Song

[beam me up scottie]

13. Regulations for Pissing on Cheney’s Grave Announced:

Regulations for Pissing on Cheney’s Grave Announced

DC – The National Park Service announced today that, responding to popular demand, it is preparing rules and regulations for pissing on the grave of Dick Cheney.

“It’s important to remember,” said a spokesman, “That Cheney does not have an actual grave at this time since he is not dead. However, public interest in pissing on his grave makes it increasingly urgent to have plans in place.”

“Ordinarily, we do not encourage urinating in public places. However, Cheney is so universally hated that we see no practical way of keeping it from happening, and have decided instead to regulate it like any other recreational activity.”

Once the final resting place of Dick Cheney is determined, NPS will conduct hydro geological studies to determine the likely drainage. “This is an important health measure,” said the spokesman, “Remember, the grave will house the rotting remains of Dick Cheney, a heavy load on the well being of whatever community it curses. We may have to install a large septic field as it is. Charging a small fee for pissing on Cheney’s grave may be the only way to recoup those costs.”

http://memegop.org/2014/12/regulations-for-pissing-on-cheneys-grave-announced/

[Yorktown]

15. Will stink bombs be tolerated?

[beam me up scottie]

17. As long as the line of people waiting to piss on his grave isn't downwind. :)

[Javaman]

21. Me too!!!

Pew!! Pew!!

[Xipe Totec]

3. Well, I stabbed a classmate in sixth grade with a pencil and it broke.

Inside.

I would've been expelled, but the guy was six inches taller, two years older, and he started the fight.

[jberryhill]

5. Lead poisoning!

[Xipe Totec]

7. Slowest cause of death evah. Forty five years hence, and I'm still waiting. nt

[Quackers]

18. Me too!

I was in kindergarten and this boy kept marking on my girlfriend with a pencil. So I stabbed him with my extra large snoopy pencil. It went into his wrist and between the forearm bones. He bled everywhere. Thankfully, the pencil didn't break or leave any pieces in his arm. God, grade school is rough.

[Kalidurga]

4. Sounds like a legit theory

[Hoppy]

8. Yeah, well yiz fucks won't be laughing when the Wilson Center in Princeton is renamed,

The Ben Carson Center For The Study Of International Diplomacy.

[Brother Buzz]

11. Ben would still be lying

All his schoolmates remember him getting into a dust-up, but they all agree it involved a Spork.

[greyl]

12. His latest version is that he threw the knife,

so, no.

[Tab]

14. He threw a knife at a belt buckle?

Really?? That's the best they got?

[Yorktown]

16. It was a real knife, but Jesus saved the victim

to help Ben Carson become one day President.

Because Carson is a chosen one.

I believe. Amen.

[Warren DeMontague]

19. saved the victim by transubstantiating the thing into plastic at the last second?

Hallelujah! It's a Christmas Miracle!

[Yorktown]

20. Stop nitpicking

What is important is that Jesus made a miracle to save Ben Carson from trouble.

Exact details to be rescripted and released during a coming conference.

Do not argue. Have faith.