after woman posts poem about how she was bullied, class of 1987 contacts her to apologize

[Liberal_in_LA]

A woman says a Facebook poem she posted about bullying has brought pleas for forgiveness from former classmates who tormented her at a California high school 25 years ago.

Now, some of those classmates want to make amends and have asked Lynda Frederick, 42, of Rochester, N.Y., to attend her 25th high school reunion in Escondido, Calif., on July 27, compliments of the Orange Glen High School Class of 1987.

“I am nervous,” Frederick told msnbc.com on Friday. “I am looking forward to seeing them, even knowing that what has happened has happened. I have forgiven those who have hurt me in the past.”

Frederick said she received phone calls, emails and Facebook messages from former classmates after she posted a poem on the Orange Glen High School Class of 1987 Facebook page.

In her poem, she wrote:

that little girl who came to school with the clothes she wore the day before
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
the little girl who had to walk to school while others rode the bus
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
the little girl who had bruises and was dirty
instead of asking why.. you picked on her
the little girl who was always crying
instead of asking why.. you picked on her

“They’re all apologizing now for how I was treated,” Frederick said. “I had one man call me up and we talked for an hour on the phone. He cried and cried. I kept saying, ‘You can’t fix yesterday, so let’s fix today.’”

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/18/11756696-25-years-after-bullying-facebook-poem-prompts-class-of-1987-to-make-amends?lite

[jorno67]

1. Great story!

thanks for sharing

[tridim]

2. Wow, what a nice story.

It's great that this problem is finally being exposed, and lots of good people are trying very hard to fix it.

[Joe Bacon]

34. Wish mine was the same, but it wasn't

Yes, some of those folks who thought it was so great to beat me in school sent friend requests on Facebook. And they also sent nasty comments along with them which gave me the pleasure of reporting those nasty remarks then blocking them.

When it comes to high school reunions, Ricky Nelson said it best!

If you got to play at garden parties, I wish you the best of luck, 'cause if memories were all I'd need, I'd rather drive a truck. But I'm all right now, I learned my lesson well, see you can't please everyone, you got to please yourself

The happiest day of my life was when I walked out of Ambridge High School for the last time. And I went and got my Masters degree even after teachers and guidance counselors told me I couldn't cut it in college. And as to all the big jocks on the football team who beat me with the coach's blessing, their life peaked at 18 and went downhill from there.

[yellerpup]

3. When you hurt a person for amusement

you never forget it. She is doing a lot of healing here, IMO, because she is accepting apologies and forgiving those who bullied her for their most shameful acts.

[richmwill]

4. It's happened to me, too...

Growing up with Cerebral Palsy and a walking disability, I was bullied and teased and made fun of a LOT during my school years. When Facebook came around, I added the classmates who had treated me well. One night I received a request from one of my worst bullying tormentors. Deciding to be the bigger man and to let the past be the past, I accepted the request. Later on that night I received a message from him sincerely apologizing for how he treated me back in junior high and high school. We talked, and now I would consider us very good friends. To the point that when his mother passed away a couple of years ago, I sent him my condolences and mourned her death with him. Twenty years ago, you would have never been able to convince me that I would become friends with this guy. But, it happened.

[Liberal_in_LA]

5. interesting! So you didn't even have to tell him that he mistreated you. he knew it! great story

[kardonb]

31. memory issues

This guy isn' even running for the presidency , but he sure has a better memory than one bully we know .

[Posteritatis]

12. I've gone through that process a few times myself in the last few years

It's a difficult thing, but does it ever take some weights you may not have noticed are there off when it goes alright.

[CTyankee]

17. what a great story! It gives me hope that something is better out there.

I am so happy for you that at long last you have some reparation for your terrible experience...

[slackmaster]

6. Most kids eventually grow up into adults

Even most bullies.

[Iris]

23. Which is why adults should be guiding kids through this stuff

Maybe kids are cruel but that's because they don't know any better. Someone needs to teach them better.

[slackmaster]

24. The bullies I have known all had parents that were, let's say flawed in some way

Absent, drunk, or just plain bullies themselves.

[Iris]

30. I didn't really think of that.

That's why other adults need to step in.

[Scuba]

7. See Mitt, what compassionate adults do? It's not too late for you.

Nah, it's probably too late for Robdme.

[BrendaBrick]

8. K&R

Thanks for posting this touching & moving story! 'The Best of Facebook'

[renate]

9. that poem is so heartbreaking

And now her daughter is being bullied too... that must bring it all back so vividly. I hope the media coverage helps her daughter somehow, but my heart aches for all the kids whose stories don't get any attention.

[HughBeaumont]

10. PFFFFFT. My assholes would likely say "Eat a dick and move on, it was 25 years ago".

There are a few people on DU would say the same thing, or blame me, the unwilling participant in some fuck's anger management problems, for not fighting back and getting expelled.

Search around on threads with the word "bully" if you find that far-fetched.

Shit like this stays with you longer than people think it does. Often times you just can't forgive and forget.

[GreenPartyVoter]

13. It's funny, but I have connected via FaceBook with some of those kids I went to school with. It's

kind of nice to just find common ground now as adults, but it's very true that the old garbage sticks with you, if not consciously then subconsciously.

[intheflow]

20. Same thing I've experienced.

I was the the 1980 version of GothGirl in my lily-white high school. Became fb friends a few years ago with three of... if not my arch-nemeses, at least my mortal opposites: The Cheerleaders. Turns out all grew up to be good liberals despite our Republican upbringings, and two I would consider actual friends now. (One is still outta her mind. But harmless.) Discovered one of those uber-bubbly girls was actually going through a family molestation nightmare. The other was cheerleading through her parents' ugly and violent divorce. You simply have no idea what's happening in most people's lives, especially people outside your circle in high school.

OTOH, I friended my first boyfriend against my better judgement. Had to unfriend the contentious RW troll soon after.

[GreenPartyVoter]

45. Heh. I was a cheerleader, but I was the least popular one ever. LOL You are so right, though. We

never know what nightmares other people are going through, and unfortunately when we are young we so often can't see very far beyond ourselves yet so just don't realize that _everyone_ is suffering somehow. (I'm going through this now with my younger middle school aged son. He refuses to believe that anyone else in his class is ever as miserable or self-conscious as he is. )

[HughBeaumont]

14. And as predicted, the comments on that story literally make me give up hope for humanity.

Fucking assholes . . .

Pretty touching story, but I have to agree with those who say bullying victims should've learned to toughen up and stand up to the bullies then and there.


It really is educational - you learn to stand up for yourself against bullies when you're a kid, you'll learn to stand up for yourself against the bullies you meet in adulthood. They might not give you atomic wedgies or bully you physically like they did in school, but you'll run into them in all stages of life and if you never learned up to stand up for yourself you're just doomed to an even more difficult life than it has to be.

Not so much, I think some people think bullying is a problem, but some of us see the truth that bullying is needed in school. That's why I always tried to urge my classmates not to report it, so that adults did not have to step in. It was good to see kids get picked on, they became stronger adults later on in life.

Well, I think if someone takes their own life, bullied or not, it's on them. I don't think that I am sick, I just see the benefits of bullying.

Chris, I completely agree with you. I'm just finishing college this year and had it not been for bullying that was done to me throughout grade school and high school, I would not have gotten this far. It taught me to toughen up my outer shell, to be able to take hard criticism, to be able push ahead in life so I would not be stuck under them all. I see people who bullied me years ago come up to me in college and try to act nice and stuff like that. I say thanks and all but really just ignore them. Karma hit them all rather hard. I can't name one of them who is passing everything in college. They all lost their scholarships and had to transfer from bigger schools to smaller community colleges.

All in all, had I not been bullied I would not be as strong as I am today. Sometimes it goes to far, I admit that. And believe me, I hated every minute of it, but now I know that I grew up better than them. So cudos to you Chris. You're not the only one who thinks this.

Wow, times have changed. I think it was better when bullying was a rite of passage. It helped build strength up and made it easier to face the tough crule world ahead. I think people should just be more accepting of bullying, and understand how important it is to our society, rather than fight against it. Other than that, how does one learn to stand up for ones self?

Motherfuckers.

[hifiguy]

18. And these pieces of sewage have the colossal audacity

to call themselves human. We re fucking done as a society when this kind of attitude becomes this common.

And the poem in the OP just broke my heart.

[riderinthestorm]

19. Disgusting. My niece will carry the scars from her years of school bullying forever

I'm furious at the school for never getting a handle on it for her sake, and others. Complaints about the bullying never met with any real progress on stopping it. My niece endured 12 years of hell and the school system was never able to get a grip on stopping it.

With counseling, she's graduating - but with the worst possible grades and with a vow to never step foot into a classroom again. Where does that leave her in today's economy?

I am so sorry for your pain HughBeaumont. I completely understand where you are coming from..

[TahitiNut]

21. Comments like that make "going postal" seem rational.

How else could a bullied person react when confronted with such monumental inhumanity? Sheesh!

[Rob H.]

22. "I think people should just be more accepting of bullying"

Obviously, this person was never on the receiving end. "Rite of passage"? What complete and utter bullshit.

And to this asshole:

Well, I think if someone takes their own life, bullied or not, it's on them. I don't think that I am sick, I just see the benefits of bullying.

You're a sick bastard whether you think you are or not. A classmate of mine in high school committed suicide and even though we weren't what you would call close, I still sometimes wonder whether any of us could have helped him if only he'd reached out, and he died over 25 years ago.

[Curmudgeoness]

27. Isn't it amazing that the former (and current) bullies

are the ones who think it is such a learning experience for the bullied.....like they would know!!!

It fascinates me to see how they try to justify what they do by telling the victims that it was good for them.

[Joe Bacon]

35. This is what "Guidance Counselors" told me!

Yes, even after they would see me with cuts and bruises from the latest beat down, they told me to suck it up and take it like a man. All it did was build up the rage in me....

[Zoeisright]

37. My God. Bullying is not a 'rite of passage'. It's verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.

And it damages your brain.

http://www.snapnetwork.org/psych_effects/how_abuse_andneglect.htm

http://scholasticadministrator.typepad.com/thisweekineducation/2010/11/robert-patersons-weblog-twitter-and-the-dunbar-number.html

[calimary]

42. "It was good to see kids get picked on"???????????? GOOD???????

OMG! That's a disgrace!

Man, compassion just doesn't count for much anymore.

I'm stunned. Who would Jesus bully? Guess we might be able to surmise who these people were in a past life...

[obamanut2012]

11. The level of forgiveness that woman has is amazing

Props to her.

[Raine]

15. I'm glad the ones that bullied her have grown up enough to have the empathy and decency

to apologize and try and make up for it. Other adult bullies (Rmoney) could learn from these people what it really means to grow up.

[fascisthunter]

16. that's awesome... we need more stories like this

to off-set the negative shit we read everyday.

[Dash87]

25. Wow. She's a great person. I never want to

see the people I went to High School with again, though. I was never really bullied (outside the usual drama and name-calling that everyone went through), but I just consider that part of my life to be closed.

[jerseyjack]

26. "You can't fix yesterday, so lets fix today."

[CrispyQ]

28. I doubt I could be that forgiving.

Good for her.

I hope these people who are ashamed of how they treated her, have a serious talk with their children.

[icarusxat]

32. Bullying hurts those who bully

Many are bullied because they are stronger, better, smarter
The mental hygiene problems for both parties are well documented
It is not a rite of passage, but rather a demonstration of fear and weakness on the part of the bully, who should be then treated as damaged goods.

[rhett o rick]

44. I agree. Allowing it to continue not only hurts the victim but reinforces the actions of the bully.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=397558

[Odin2005]

33. K&R

[Zoeisright]

36. Here's something my high school teacher husband is trying to impress on the girl bullies at his

school:

Being a bully makes you very, very ugly.

[HangOnKids]

40. Excellent Advice From Him

Put it to them in a way they will understand. EVERY high school girl wants to be pretty, EVERY ONE. Telling them this behavior makes them ugly is perfect, because it does, and they will most likely get it.

[Auntie Bush]

38. Wow! Thatmade me cry...I still have tears in my eye. How sad!

but I'm glad they are sorry now and apologized...not like Romney who can't even remember being so cruel. I hope she has a nice time.

[calimary]

43. He not only claimed he couldn't remember, but he chuckled about it.

I bet his victim thought it was just freakin' hilarious. A laugh riot.

[silentwarrior]

39. I too was bullied on a daily basis

I have been invited to a class reunion but I feel nothing in common with the so called class mates of my year group. And I have the invite via facebook. Seeing them all fills me with dread, even though I am a mum to 3 kids myself.

I know I will revert back to the insecure child I used to be if I accept the invitation, therefore I will not be attending. Not that I do not forgive them, as children do grow up and probably regret what assholes they used to be to people.

I never fitted in with them then, and it sure wont be any different now

[southernyankeebelle]

41. I have forgiven my bullies but I never forgot and I have no desire to go back to any reunions. It

only brings back sad memories for me. I have let it go because it eats you inside if you don't. Forgive and move on. That is the greatest gift to yourself.