Healing a Wounded Sense of Morality
Many veterans in the program are there seeking treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder.
But many of Amidons patients talk about another kind of trauma, a psychic bruise that, unlike PTSD, isnt rooted in fear. Some of these soldiers describe experiences in which they, or someone close to them, violated their moral code: hurting a civilian who turned out to be unarmed, shooting at a child wearing explosives, or losing trust in a commander who became more concerned with collecting decorative pins than protecting the safety of his troops. Others, she says, are haunted by their own inaction, traumatized by something they witnessed and failed to prevent"
*Experts have begun to refer to this specific type of psychological trauma as moral injury. These morally ambiguous situations continue to bother you, weeks, months, or years after they happened, says Shira Maguen, the mental-health director of the OEF/OIF Integrated Care Clinic at the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center and one of the first researchers to study the concept. Examples of situations that might precipitate moral injury are betrayals by those in leadership roles, within-rank violence, inability to prevent death or suffering, and hurting civilians. Sometimes it co-exists with PTSD, but moral injury is its own separate trauma with symptoms that can include feelings of shame, guilt, betrayal, regret, anxiety, anger, self-loathing, and self-harm."
Nothing really prepares you for killing in war, even with the training.
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/07/healing-a-wounded-sense-of-morality/396770/