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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsIndiana Gov. Mike Pence Declares Himself a Vegesexual
Linda having a girl's night out on the town. (AP-Derpy McFlerpinderp)
Indiana Gov. Mike Pence Declares Himself a Vegesexual
AP -- In a move that sent shockwaves through the entire US conservative community, Indiana Governor Mike Pence abruptly resigned his office and left the state. In a hastily-assembled press conference, Pence revealed that he was a vegesexual, and has been in a long-term relationship with a cabbage named Linda.
"The truth is this: I love Linda," said Pence. "I want to grow old with Linda and have little cabbages with her. I will be with Linda until she wilts."
The news sent the Religious Right into an all-out meltdown. Glenn Beck demanded that all cabbages everywhere be put to the torch and the sword. "This is what happens," proclaimed Sean Hannity, "when you teach biology in these communist public schools." Pat Robertson, when asked to comment, said, "Purple twelve mailman butter nerf nerf nerf because sideways box chopsticks six elf airplane shoe. Jesus."
Repeated calls to Linda were not returned. Her former co-worker, Bob the cabbage, described Linda as "a pretty basic cabbage, hard-working, dedicated, green," and said Linda's love for the former Indiana governor is impossible to miss. "Whenever Mike walks into the room," said Bob, "Linda just blooms."
The rest: http://www.notreal/satire/dumbhumor.duh
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Indiana Gov. Mike Pence Declares Himself a Vegesexual (Original Post)
WilliamPitt
Apr 2015
OP
rocktivity
(44,583 posts)1. Pence: "Don't you know an April Fool's Day Joke When Your Hear One?"
WilliamPitt
(58,179 posts)2. Great minds...
misterhighwasted
(9,148 posts)3. Haahaahaa. THIS IS THE SHIT!!
Bookmarked for my facebook page & everywhere else I can think of.
The best.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)4. So shove a carrot up his ass and send him
on a twenty-mile hike. In the rain.
longship
(40,416 posts)5. I don't carrot all what he does with it. ;) nt
KamaAina
(78,249 posts)6. I hear he's more into cucumbers
Gidney N Cloyd
(19,847 posts)7. I think we all slaw this one coming.
Kalidurga
(14,177 posts)8. Lettuce pray for his soul
Everyone knows that cabbage is an abomination. I think we should have some compassion though and send him to a conversion camp where he can learn to love urtica dioca.