Hell Hath No Fury Like a Man Scorned - Man Kills Wife

[boston bean]

Just look at all these scorned men, murdering their wives and girlfriends, just over the past week! Some would say, Houston we have a problem.


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Past week

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New York Daily News

Police: Man Kills Wife at Hospital, Son Also Dead

ABC News-Aug 27, 2014

A man shot and killed his hospitalized wife on Wednesday and then tried to kill himself, prompting investigators to search their home, where their son was found ...

Man Kills Wife at Hospital and Turns Gun on Himself, Son Found ...
NBC 10 Philadelphia-Aug 28, 2014

Police: Man kills wife, shoots self
Asbury Park Press-Aug 27, 2014

KHOU

HPD: Husband stabs, kills man who argued with his wife in ...

KPRC Houston-Aug 28, 2014

WE'LL BRING YOU THE VERY LATEST DEVELOPMENTS AS SOON AS WITH WE GET THEM. WE HAVE JUST LEARNED A MAN IN CUSTODY FOR ...

Napa man kills himself after shooting, injuring wife

KTVU San Francisco-Aug 27, 2014

Police went to a residence in the 700 block of Central Avenue after they received a report about a man who threatened to kill his wife, two daughters and himself, ...

WXIA-TV

Update: Police ID Lawrenceville stabbing victims, suspect

Atlanta Journal Constitution-Aug 29, 2014

... identified the people involved in a domestic dispute in which a man fatally stabbed his ex-wife, stabbed her mother and later killed himself at a gun range.

Cops: Man kills himself at gun club after killing ex-wife, wounding ...
Examiner.com-Aug 29, 2014
Explore in depth (30 more articles)

Man Described as 'Nice' By Neighbors Visits Wife in Hospital and ...

Eurweb.com-16 hours ago

It doesn't make any sense at all, but allegedly, that's what one man did last Wednesday before he tried to kill himself. Add to that, puzzled investigators decided ...

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — When Andrew Steele retired as a sheriff's deputy, his career cut short by the advance of ALS, he had no bigger cheerleader than his wife ...


Before dying, Wisc. woman says ex-deputy shot her and her sister
New York Daily News-Aug 26, 2014
Explore in depth (350 more articles)

CBS Local
Man kills girlfriend, then himself in northern Harford, police say

And that is just one page. These remain local news stories, but the real story is how prevalent this is and no one bats an eye, it should be everywhere all day 24 /7. There are enough of these crimes committed against women, it is a national crisis. (I really don't like the saying I used in the title of the OP and can see how it could be viewed as offensive, but it is often used with women and when pointed out, the issue becomes the right of someone to use the phrase. So, I will use it here, as is my right.) It has been used just today or some variation thereof. And the above is just one page worth of the search for a one week time period.

[sufrommich]

1. This. nt

[malaise]

2. And yet $Greedia delights in series like

Snapped or Deadly Women - or of course any murder by African-American males. In reality the white male kills his partner more than anyone else. You'd never know it though - that's not the official narrative.

[TDale313]

3. Thank you.

It surprises me it's controversial that the phrase is anti-woman/misogynistic.

[boston bean]

4. I know. I was hoping that using the term with Man in place of Woman

would help to bring some recognition to the fact that it is offensive phrasing.

[pinboy3niner]

5. Your OP has a problem

All these stories and not a single link to Glenn Beck's website? How could you be so remiss?

[greatlaurel]

6. Thank you, that is a great title.

That really puts this rampant violence against women in perspective. How horrific.

[Laelth]

7. That's awful.

What can be done about this?



-Laelth

[seabeyond]

8. exactly. thank you BB. it matters. it is a good chuckle for so many, but it flavors conversation

in a nontruth. and giggle for men.

[Heidi]

9. Kick!

[NYC_SKP]

10. All violence is wrong. All violence, in the end, injures every one of us. (nt)

[boston bean]

11. Right. And this post somehow doesn't comport with that statement? nt

[NYC_SKP]

14. Your post appears to be a direct response to the other post about domestic violence.

Having witnessed more than my share of DV committed by both men and women, including my own parents (both of them) and worked with the children victims of same....

I'm not so much interested in the sex of victim/perpetrator as I am appalled by the high incidence of this violence.

We could and should all be on the same side of mission to reduce ALL violence.

Peace.

[boston bean]

16. Is there a slaughter of husband and boyfriends committed by the wife or girlfriend?

No, there is not. All violence is wrong. However, it is always appropriate to be able to discuss matters in a way where one is more prevalent. Or how it effects one group or another.

It is also appropriate to discuss the words used to describe each.

It is also appropriate to discuss the murder of women and the crisis it is in this country, that we don't barely hear a whiff of it, unless it happens in our own town or community.

Approximately 3 women a day are murdered by their significant other.

Yes, all violence is wrong, and there are causes and acceptances of all kinds of crime based upon what society will accept and other biases (Mike Brown). Well, you tell me why we don't read more about this. You tell me why we don't hear more about men scorned. It's not because we all know violence is bad.

I will continue discuss this EXTREMELY important issue, and not diminish the prevalence of it in our society with simple feel good statements like "all violence is wrong".

Yes, all violence is wrong. However, we have an issue here in our culture, and in our society where this stuff is barely causes an eyebrow to raise.

3 women a day in the US are murdered by their male partner. It deserves to be discussed. It deserves to be discussed as it's own topic.

[lumberjack_jeff]

31. Homicide is often the culmination of a cycle of violence.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1854883/
http://newscastmedia.com/harvard_study.htm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2663360/
http://menwebjournal.com/ArcherSexDifferencesMeta-AnalyticReviewf2000.pdf

It is more important to arrest the violence at the earliest stages than to use the end result as a scorecard in service of an agenda.

From the National Institute of Health;

In recent years, researchers have begun to extend this body of research to examine female perpetration of violence in intimate relationships. There is increasing evidence to suggest that women commit as much or more IPV as men (Archer, 2000; Melton & Belknap, 2003). Among adolescents, research consistently shows that females perpetrate more acts of violence in intimate relationships than males (Arriaga & Foshee, 2004; Foshee et al., 1996; Hickman, Jaycox, & Aronoff, 2004; Lichter & McCloskey, 2004; Munoz-Rivas, Grana, O'Leary, & Gonzalez, 2007; Schwartz, O'Leary, & Kendziora, 1997; Spencer & Bryant, 2000; Wolfe et al., 2001). In addition, data also suggest that females who perpetrate IPV may experience more violent or frequent IPV victimization (Bennett & Fineran, 1998; Capaldi & Owen, 2001; Kernsmith, 2005; Luthra & Gidycz, 2006; Milan, Lewis, Ethier, Kershaw, & Ickovics, 2005).

It would be better for all involved to teach these adolescents to not use violence than to wait until someone gets killed.

[boston bean]

42. You are basically saying these murdered women asked for it or deserved it, cause

we don't know whether they ever struck the murderer.

Please tell me that I am not reading an excuse for violent men murdering their wives.

You have not one stat ore one iota of factual proof that shows these murdered women were ever violent in any way to the vicious animals that killed them.

[lumberjack_jeff]

46. Among other things, you appear to be an expert at interpreting what I'm "basically saying".

How about we stick to what I'm *actually* saying?

A cycle of violence that culminates in death should be interrupted prior to that point. Agreed?

[boston bean]

47. I read what you stated and you, and to me it was clear as a bell.

You are stating with absolutely not one shred of evidence that women who have been murdered by their partner played a hand in themselves getting murdered, because you make an unsubtiantiated claim that they were violent themselves.

[lumberjack_jeff]

53. The sound you associate with bells is not my problem.

There is ample evidence, bordering on proof, that intimate partner violence is often reciprocal, and when it is, women are at greater risk of injury.

The reciprocal nature of IPV is one of the most studied and repeatable (yet disbelieved) observations in the field of domestic violence.

[boston bean]

54. Women who are murdered by their partner, let me be as clear as a fucking bell,

did NOTHING that deserves the ending of their life.

They couldn't reciprocate a god damned thing after they are dead, could they?

[lumberjack_jeff]

57. If you think you're arguing with me about something, you're mistaken.

This strawman you're constructing? Don't expect me to help you, I haven't said or implied any of the things you're trying to pin on me.

In general, intervention efforts to stop IPV need to happen long before violence has escalated into injury. You apparently disagree.

Because of social attitudes, of which your OP is exemplary, people can't rouse themselves off the couch to take any notice until the people involved become headlines.

I read a thread earlier today of a man jailed after his ex attacked him with a steel pipe. The reactions? "She was protecting her child" "she didn't really start it" "what a terrible source" etc, etc.

No one here wants to read about IPV until and unless she's dead or in a hospital.

[boston bean]

58. Again, there is no excuse for the epidemic of males murdering their wives.

You have not one shred of evidence or proof or statistic that states that women who are murdered by their partner are violent in any way.

Everything you have provided has concocted a scenario that places some blame on the woman for her murder.

I outright reject that.

[MerryBlooms]

64. + 1 more supporting outright rejection.

[chervilant]

41. The VAST MAJORITY of survivors of

relationship violence are women and children.

THAT is a huge factor in how we address relationship violence. Patriarchy and white male privilege are just two facets of violence against women and children. For further insight, I recommend Dinnerstein's "The Mermaid and the Minotaur."

When I lecture about relationship violence, I use gender neutral terminology. I do this primarily because so many male audience members get angry and defensive when they hear how often it's MEN who are responsible for relationship violence.

We'll have to eliminate the patriarchy, and change how we socialize our children, in order to see significant macro-level change in the occurrence of relationship violence.

[NYC_SKP]

45. TBH, your lecturing POV might need work...

It seems exclusive and presumptuous.

When I lecture about relationship violence, I use gender neutral terminology. I do this primarily because so many male audience members get angry and defensive when they hear how often it's MEN who are responsible for relationship violence.

Wow. I shouldn't have to explain how wrong this is.

If you are trying to reach across the aisle with this statement then I have to say that you might want to work on that.

[chervilant]

63. Actually,

YOU are being presumptuous about my lectures and my POV.

Throughout graduate school, I was invited by my peers and my academic colleagues to lecture about relationship violence--at least a dozen times each semester. I have created and facilitated peer support groups for survivors. I have done advocacy for survivors for more than thirty-five years. In fact, I AM a survivor.

Your concern is duly noted, and I'll consign your misconceptions to file thirteen, where they belong.

[NYC_SKP]

66. "I do this primarily because so many male audience members get angry"

Classic failure to be a neutral participant in discussion. You are admittedly presuming a POV by men in your audience.

Attending graduate school means nothing, I learned more in life than I did in two different post grad programs.

I'm sorry that you, too, are a survivor.

I will thank you not ever, not EVER, speak for me and my experience.

Further, you would do well to listen more and lecture less, as there seems to be little evidence of compassion on your part for survivors.

I would thank you for your support for groups, however I'm not certain that your contributions are truly productive.

I thank you, at least, for trying.

Maybe you need to think more deeply, listen more, but please keep trying.

Thanks for the effort.

[chervilant]

68. What?!?

Oh, lord...

During my initial lectures, I had numerous young men become angry, argumentative, and confrontational when I shared statistics about the percentages of male violence against women. I realized that gender neutral terminology would help these unfortunates "hear" the information I shared. Dinnerstein, and Alice Miller, helped me discuss our species' poisonous pedagogy and how it perpetuates relationship violence. I also recommend Straus' and Gelles' work re: same.



I'd encourage you to talk with the hundreds of survivors (women, men and some LGBT brethren) who've honored me with their trust, but confidentiality is a key aspect of my advocacy.

(I don't intend to continue this discussion, since you're apparently sure you've determined all my shortcomings as an advocate. Away to my IL you go.)

[NYC_SKP]

48. When I lecture to potential and real victims...

Last edited Sun Aug 31, 2014, 03:16 PM - Edit history (1)

I tell them first and foremost that their sex or orientation or color of skin makes their victimization any less significant, and if anyone tells them otherwise that they need to contact me for support.

[chervilant]

65. First of all, I do not "lecture" to survivors,

and I don't use "victim" as a descriptor, ever.

I avoid "telling" survivors anything. I've learned that active listening is essential, sharing resources and information is helpful, and trusting survivors to make their own decisions is most empowering.

[NYC_SKP]

67. Really? "lecture" and "victim" were terms you used in your replies.

Thanks, I guess, for having an interest.

My guess is that you have attended a conference or two, and adopted a set of talking points and learned that there are certain "good words" and "bad words", having nothing to do with diagnosing behavioral dynamics.

If true, I think it's a real shame. If you don't mind referring to the OP, the basis of the discussion, you'll find that it has something to do with the supposed differential experience by men versus women as being on the receiving end of abusive behaviors by men or by women, alternatively.

Why some can't seem to accept that it's a social problem that is most successfully addressed from an inclusive POV is not my problem.

I wish you success in honing your skills in participating in presentations, working with survivors, whatever it is that you do, and especially in becoming an effective active listener. The best think you can do, IMO, is to lead by example and encourage others to become active listeners.

One day I'll explain to you the Tenets of Improvisation as a means of building consensus.

[chervilant]

69. hmm...

"One day I'll explain to you the Tenets of Improvisation as a means of building consensus."

What part of IL do you not understand?

[L0oniX]

22. Including violence to animals in our care ...or to use the more demeaning label, pets.

[NYC_SKP]

24. Indeed, and such behavior at an early age is a known indicator of future carnage.

It might even be said that violence against children and animals is more concerning as it is far less likely that any actual threat is present.

As they say, sometimes it's more about power than anything else.

[ncjustice80]

61. While true, some acts of violence are worse than others.

When a woman strikes a man, she is not engaging in a centuries long oppression of men by women. They should really make social justice a consideration in prison sentences- eg male on female domestic violence should be punished more harshly because men collectively victimise/control women as members of the Patriarchy.

[NYC_SKP]

62. Maybe yes and maybe no, each case to its own. How should we treat lesbian/gay DV?

Think it over.

The binary male v female paradigm is so dated as to be offensive.

Why do we perpetuate an oversimplification of interpersonal dynamics, trying to reduce them to history assumptions?

Stop the violence, stop all of it.

[B Calm]

12. Do they always commit suicide after they shoot their wife?

[rickford66]

15. Too bad they don't commit suicide first. This happens too often.

It exposes the truth about how vulnerable women and girls are in our society and the world. It's like white privilege. Male privilege is something that most of us males don't recognize.

[B Calm]

18. I hear you. My brother in law's cousin shot and killed his wife when

he caught her cheating on him. But, unlike all the stories posted above he went to prison instead. After 20 years behind bars he's now a free man.

[seabeyond]

28. "he caught her cheating on him."totally irrelevant. to be clear. nt

[B Calm]

43. That was the reason why he did it,

at least that's what he told the police. .

[valerief]

23. Uh, why do they shoot their wives at all? nt

[lame54]

13. not scorned - just assholes

[secondvariety]

17. "No one bats an eye".

Not sure what that's supposed to mean. I think most sane people are quite concerned and recognize it as an epidemic.

[boston bean]

19. Really, how come it hasn't changed for decades. I hear no national news reporting on this problem.

Do you?

I hear about it when I search for it. I hear about it when it happens in my community.

Think about it 3 women a day are murdered by their male partner. 3 women a day.

You would think it would garner a bit more attention.

[secondvariety]

34. I don't have an answer for that.

It should garner more attention, but even without national coverage, I think most people are sickened by the abuse. The same goes for child abuse which claims four lives a day. Unfortunately, most of these cases are reported just locally.

[samsingh]

20. very shocking and depressing

[L0oniX]

21. Woman beater cop murders girl friend and gets away with it...

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/criminal-justice/death-in-st-augustine/transcript-53/

[BlancheSplanchnik]

25. most popular sayings, if they are gendered, blame women.

There are loads of examples in innumerable cultures.

Traditions of all sorts--music, art, religion and ritual-- romanticize, and normalize male aggression against women.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

26. That is the pretty much the truth of the matter. And that is what needs to change =

the romanticizing, and normalizing of male aggression against women.

It is ingrained and reinforced starting at a very young age.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

29. yep. couldn't agree more.

This is what we're talking about when we say "Rape Culture".

[Tuesday Afternoon]

30. Indeed, YES. Rape Culture explained. Lesson One. Thanks. So easy a concept to understand yet,

the changing of society ... wow. The thought processes involved. By all. Every.Single.Human. because women/girls are taught that this is the way it is supposed to be ... boys will be boys.

but, there is really no reason that boys should be boys in that way at all.

No Good Reason.

Thanks, Blanche

[BlancheSplanchnik]

36. I should have also said most gendered sayings disparage women, too.

It's not just romanticizing male aggression against women, it's also the cultural indoctrination that women are less-than. Mockable. Contemptable....bad drivers, too talkative, cock-teasers, nagging wives, jealous, harpies, ugly, old, fat, bimbos, victims, sexy in victimhood, dumb, clever, conniving, manipulating, emasculating, vain, self-absorbed, &etc. ........ all the stereotyped attitudes expressed in culture and language that makes it easy to express hostility at us.

That's dehumanization.

Dehumanization has consequences.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

37. Dehumanization has consequences.

Isn't that the first thing taught when making war? the dehumanizing of the enemy.

It takes away the guilt feeling of killing another human.

Isn't that what Hitler did with The Jews ... ?

boggles the mind.

What kind of hateful crap have we all put ourselves through just to keep the status quo.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

38. yep. relieves you of guilt, provides a target for your anger,

Takes the focus off your own behavior.

......a lot of consequences.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

39. There is a reason and a truth behind the phrase =

The War Between The Sexes.

Peace.

[BlueMTexpat]

27. Sorry, but to the US M$M, NOTHING

is more important than a tan President wearing a tan suit.

Unless they can help the same old warmongers drum up another war ...

[vlyons]

32. to survive = be on top of life

To survive comes from the French, sur = on top of, and vivre = life. To be on top of life. All these angry, hate-filled, bitter, out of control men decided that if they couldn't control a woman, they could never be on top of life. Death was preferable to feeling that they were not on top of life.

Some of them (erroneously) decided to destroy their children because the kids wouldn't be able to survive without them. How arrogant is that? Some of them destroyed their children and other family members as a punishment to those whom they considered the cause of their pain.

From a Buddhist perspective, it's Extreme delusional thinking. The heart of the delusion is:

"I, Me, and Mine" (the concept of self) is the center of the universe, and everyone else's "I, Me, and Mine" doesn't count for squat. And indeed everyone else is responsible for creating all the causes and conditions for my happiness. And when they don't ... well I get really angry.

An inability to deal with rejection by a wife. Inability to control other people. Inability to accept that a situation is the way it is, and people are the way they are. Inability to just walk away, calm down, and accept responsibility for their anger, and indeed, all the causes and conditions of one's current situation. It also doesn't help that there are so many damn guns out there.

What happened to these men that they never learned anger management? Our education system is deficit not only in readin' n writin', but also about dealing with such strong emotions? These men have probably been raging and fuming inside for many many years.

[Arugula Latte]

33. These murdering men get too emotional and they are unstable.

I think it has to do with their hormones.

[MerryBlooms]

35. Devastating reality. n/t

[littlemissmartypants]

40. It's all about this:

Power and Control.

[treestar]

44. When a man who thinks he should be in control of "his" woman perceives he does not

have that control - indeed hell hath no fury like that.

What I really hate about that saying is the way it seems to gloat over pre-feminist women - they have no say and are stuck with anger as their only outlet.

[polly7]

49. One of my best friend's husband tried to kill her,

she played dead and he shot himself. I loved them both ... it was a horrible shock as they'd always seemed so good together. Thankfully she recovered and we still visit whenever possible. But, it scarred her forever. Jealousy (unfounded) does horrible things to people.

[boston bean]

50. I have my own experiences, so I understand. I am so happy your friend survived.

Although, she remains scarred forever.

[polly7]

51. Thanks, boston bean.

She's done amazingly well and is very happy and successful. In spite of what he did, I still think of Denis with real sadness. As does she.

[boston bean]

52. Well, if she were dead, she wouldn't be thinking anything.

Which is what happens so often.

It's terrible all the way around, but she was the victim of him. He was the victim of himself.

[polly7]

55. Of course.

But when you love someone, those feeling never really go completely away .... no matter what. Unless it's something done to your child or someone else you care about - in that case, it's 100% different (they had no children yet). She's the kind of person who would forgive almost anything done to herself, and she still doesn't understand it all. He was also on some bad drugs - no excuses, but many more things going on with him than I believe any of us knew.

And yes, there are far, far too many women injured or killed. I have my own experiences with DV, stalking, women's shelters and holding many hands during ambulance rides taking in women who were in pain and shock. It's a scourge that LE needs to take much more seriously, but often their hands are tied when women drop charges d/t one reason or another - hoping it will stop this time, being completely dependent economically, believing he's a great father and not wanting to deprive children who he's never abused and who haven't been made to see the abuse ( though of course they do know about it), etc.etc.

There are so many ways to help though, even if they seem inconsequential. Write your representatives, demand laws change, gather and distribute needed items for shelters, go through the legal requirements to work at a shelter, volunteer to keep an abused neighbour/acquaintances children while she figures out what to do and where to go, and on and on and on. Let neighbourhood children know your home is a safe place when they are afraid during fights between parents or adults. Listen to an abused person, no matter how much time it takes for them to know they've really been heard. Those things ARE appreciated.

Sorry, got off on a rant there ..... my three fingers are working better today.

[boston bean]

56. I understand and am in a lot of agreement.

I wish the best for your friend and you.

[polly7]

70. Thank you, and I wish the same for you. nt.

[Starry Messenger]

59. k&r

[LeftyMom]

60. My ex tried to kill me twice.

The police could barely have been less interested. They stopped their halfassed investigation before I was even released from the hospital.