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Dharun Ravi Guilty on 15 Counts... and I'm kinda sick to my stomach over it.
http://gawker.com/5893951/tyler-clementi-webcam-spy-gets-mixed-verdict-faces-deportationI don't know if you all have followed the Tyler Clementi / Dharun Ravi case. Clementi was the young gay man from Rutgers who jumped off the (?) George Washington Bridge. Dharun Ravi was his roommate who set up his computer to film the room while Clementi had a gentleman caller over.
Dharun was offerred a plea deal with no jail time but turned it down and went to trial instead. Now he has been found guilty on all 15 charges and is going to spend the next LARGE chunk of his life in jail.
I feel kind of sick by that. I'm a gay guy and remember moving off to college and getting tossed into a dorm room with a straight guy. It is a strange situation and fraught with nervous tension and was pretty difficult to deal with at times. Dorm rooms are tight quarters and I was pretty sure my roommate would freak if he knew he was sleeping three feet away from a gay guy. Every gay person knows, even the best of family or friends, can sometimes freak out and say or do something stupid when you tell them you are gay. Gay people's lives are a history of people having odd reactions to coming out.
But you talk those things over, you work them out, time heals all wounds. Dharun Ravi is Indian and comes from a culture where being gay isn't so good. He was 18 and moved off to college and into a dorm room where he was curious why his roommate wanted him out of the room. He did a stupid thing and set his computer camera up so he could see what was going on in the room. And he found out his roommate was gay. He texted "I saw him making out with a dude. Yay." to his friends. Then, like a total dick, he filmed Tyler and his friend the next time he came over and broadcast the encounter. Total dick. Rotten thing to do. He put Tyler through a horrible experience. But he realized he did wrong and He sent a text to Tyler and told him he was OK with Tyler being gay. I think he was sorry to hurt Tyler and with a little time these two might have worked it out. But Tyler ended his life.
I ache for Tyler and his family. I'm a softy who can still cry when I think about Matthew Sheppard being left on that fence to die. I lost a friend to suicide over homosexuality when I was 16. It is terrible and it leaves ruined lives behind.
And now I feel the same way thinking about Dharun Ravi. He did a really stupid, crappy thing and now his life will be ruined as well. His parents must be crushed. And I'm kind of surprised that I am confused by my emotions. As much as I want to think the situation is just--that he should be held accountable--it doesn't sit right.
An 18 year old guy didn't deal well with having a new gay roommate. He did a crappy thing and filmed a make-out session. What 18 year old straight guy isn't going to be a little shocked to see his new roommate, whom he sleeps a few feet away from, is gay and making out in his room with another dude. He must have been pretty freaked out--I imagine he probably felt pretty vulnerable and you can just imagine the 100s of scenarios that ran through his head. In that emotional state he made the decision to broadcast the make out session.
Should he be held accountable? Yes. Should he have to make up for it somehow? Yes. Should his life be ruined and no good from this? I just don't know. What good comes from him spending the next decade getting raped in jail? Will he come out of that having learned a lesson or will he come out of that damaged and ruined?
Though I'm gay and though I fight really hard for gay rights, this is a case where I hope the judge has leniency. I hope this young man's life isn't thrown away.
And as a gay guy, it kind of freaks me out to feel that way.
182 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
I wish he could get more prison time than 10 years. I hope he gets the max and then gets deported.
And, using "cultural differences" to excuse this is rather sickening. By that logic, racism, sexism, honor killings, and a host of other crimes and bigotry would not only be forgiven, but would kinda be the fault of the victims, like Tyler, right?
Yeah, that's what I thought. 
You replied upthread to a poster named ed. Obamanut did not tell you to shut up because she was gay and you are not, as I read the thread. 
You might want to review the interaction in the thread.
If he had been truly sorry for the whole disaster he created, he would have taken the plea deal. However, his arrogance and total lack of true remorse led him to want to be exonorated by a jury, so that he could say that he did nothing wrong. Like I said, I hope he rots in jail.
Killing oneself out of disappointment and hurt is wrong. I feel like doing it now. For reasons I can't reveal on the internet.
You can't know what my life or hurts have been.
The only justifiable reason to kill oneself is when one is going to lose dignity and control. In that case euthanasia is justified. Tyler's death has caused nothing but pain. Many gay people have sufferred more than he could imagine, ever. But we struggled on and contributed something.
I'll keep your kindness in mind. It does matter right now.
don't cry for him, Argentina.
http://www.out.com/news-commentary/2012/04/27/editors-letter-set-ravi-free
Editor's Letter: Set Ravi Free
4.27.2012
By Aaron Hicklin
[img]
[/img]
The spotlight on teen suicide in the gay community was overdue, but it has also left us reaching for simplistic answers where there are none.
When the jury in the Dharun Ravi trial delivered its verdict on March 16, it was possible to feel, at least temporarily, a grim satisfaction that the horrible circumstances around the death of a young gay man had been properly acknowledged. We have not always been able to rely on the courts to treat our lives with dignity and respect, and it’s validating when they do. Ravi’s conviction was a compelling signal that harassment and bullying of LGBT people carries penalties. Yet the verdict also left a bitter aftertaste, as if what was being satisfied was not justice, but revenge.
Ravi did a terrible thing, but he was not on trial for Tyler Clementi’s death, nor should he have been. He was on trial for the nebulous crime of “bias intimidation,” but anyone who believes the case would have gone to trial if Clementi were still alive is kidding himself. Ravi was convicted because Clementi is dead. In that sense, at least, Ravi took the rap for colluding in a culture of bullying and stigmatization that is pervasive. You need only see Bully, an urgent new documentary, which tracks a handful of middle- and high-school students as they negotiate a gauntlet of physical and verbal abuse, to understand that the story of Clementi and Ravi has deep roots. It may have ended with a webcam, but it did not begin with one. Whether Clementi felt ostracized at school, we do not know. But we know he felt ostracized at home: “Mom has basically completely rejected me,” he wrote to a friend shortly after he revealed his homosexuality.
It’s an all-too-familiar narrative, but it’s also a reminder that the experiences that shape us are complicated. The spotlight on teen suicide in the gay community was overdue and necessary, but it has also left us reaching for simplistic answers where there are none. That is not to excuse Ravi, who did a terrible thing, but it does beg questions around what purpose his imprisonment would serve. Does it honor Tyler Clementi’s legacy? Will it prevent other kids from killing themselves? If you think the answer to those questions is no, as I do, we should have the compassion not to wreck another life as some kind of atonement for the one that was lost. Ravi faces up to 10 years when he is sentenced on May 21. A wise judge would set him free.
To understand the seeds of Ravi’s behavior, it’s worth watching Bully, a moving exploration of teen bullying that had been slapped with an R rating because of a few bad words—a decision that producer Harvey Weinstein is exploiting in a crafty publicity drive. I wish the director had compromised a little (and maybe he will), because his movie deserves as wide an audience as it can get. Changing the ratings system is a worthy cause, but Bully has an important mission, and bleeping a few expletives won’t dilute it. Filmed largely in Sioux City, Iowa, it illuminates the extraordinary degree to which children exploit perceived weaknesses and differences to enhance their status in the social hierarchy. Those who stand by silently—as kids are punched, stabbed with pencils, and verbally threatened—are collaborators whether they realize it or not.
Watching the movie, I was reminded how small and claustrophobic the world can appear when you are young, and how trapped one can seem. When 12-year-old Alex Libby quietly admits, “I feel like I belong somewhere else,” it’s as profound a distillation of the insidiousness of bullying as you’re likely to hear. Bully shows how it might be possible to combat that culture, largely by building support groups that challenge the passive collusion of schools and students. But it also shows the power of self-affirmation, particularly in the case of Kelby Johnson, a young transgender teen from Oklahoma, who is shunned by her town after she comes out. She is lucky to have a supportive family and a small cadre of loyal friends, but she also reflects a spunky determination to control her own destiny. Like Johnson, most of us find the fortitude and resilience to survive the vicissitudes of adolescence, but we still have to work out how to help those who don’t.
Editor's Letter: Set Ravi Free
4.27.2012
By Aaron Hicklin
[img]
[/img]
The spotlight on teen suicide in the gay community was overdue, but it has also left us reaching for simplistic answers where there are none.
When the jury in the Dharun Ravi trial delivered its verdict on March 16, it was possible to feel, at least temporarily, a grim satisfaction that the horrible circumstances around the death of a young gay man had been properly acknowledged. We have not always been able to rely on the courts to treat our lives with dignity and respect, and it’s validating when they do. Ravi’s conviction was a compelling signal that harassment and bullying of LGBT people carries penalties. Yet the verdict also left a bitter aftertaste, as if what was being satisfied was not justice, but revenge.
Ravi did a terrible thing, but he was not on trial for Tyler Clementi’s death, nor should he have been. He was on trial for the nebulous crime of “bias intimidation,” but anyone who believes the case would have gone to trial if Clementi were still alive is kidding himself. Ravi was convicted because Clementi is dead. In that sense, at least, Ravi took the rap for colluding in a culture of bullying and stigmatization that is pervasive. You need only see Bully, an urgent new documentary, which tracks a handful of middle- and high-school students as they negotiate a gauntlet of physical and verbal abuse, to understand that the story of Clementi and Ravi has deep roots. It may have ended with a webcam, but it did not begin with one. Whether Clementi felt ostracized at school, we do not know. But we know he felt ostracized at home: “Mom has basically completely rejected me,” he wrote to a friend shortly after he revealed his homosexuality.
It’s an all-too-familiar narrative, but it’s also a reminder that the experiences that shape us are complicated. The spotlight on teen suicide in the gay community was overdue and necessary, but it has also left us reaching for simplistic answers where there are none. That is not to excuse Ravi, who did a terrible thing, but it does beg questions around what purpose his imprisonment would serve. Does it honor Tyler Clementi’s legacy? Will it prevent other kids from killing themselves? If you think the answer to those questions is no, as I do, we should have the compassion not to wreck another life as some kind of atonement for the one that was lost. Ravi faces up to 10 years when he is sentenced on May 21. A wise judge would set him free.
To understand the seeds of Ravi’s behavior, it’s worth watching Bully, a moving exploration of teen bullying that had been slapped with an R rating because of a few bad words—a decision that producer Harvey Weinstein is exploiting in a crafty publicity drive. I wish the director had compromised a little (and maybe he will), because his movie deserves as wide an audience as it can get. Changing the ratings system is a worthy cause, but Bully has an important mission, and bleeping a few expletives won’t dilute it. Filmed largely in Sioux City, Iowa, it illuminates the extraordinary degree to which children exploit perceived weaknesses and differences to enhance their status in the social hierarchy. Those who stand by silently—as kids are punched, stabbed with pencils, and verbally threatened—are collaborators whether they realize it or not.
Watching the movie, I was reminded how small and claustrophobic the world can appear when you are young, and how trapped one can seem. When 12-year-old Alex Libby quietly admits, “I feel like I belong somewhere else,” it’s as profound a distillation of the insidiousness of bullying as you’re likely to hear. Bully shows how it might be possible to combat that culture, largely by building support groups that challenge the passive collusion of schools and students. But it also shows the power of self-affirmation, particularly in the case of Kelby Johnson, a young transgender teen from Oklahoma, who is shunned by her town after she comes out. She is lucky to have a supportive family and a small cadre of loyal friends, but she also reflects a spunky determination to control her own destiny. Like Johnson, most of us find the fortitude and resilience to survive the vicissitudes of adolescence, but we still have to work out how to help those who don’t.
