In light of the threads about "creep-shaming" and socially awkward men, plus related insecurities...

[YoungDemCA]

[aikoaiko]

1. Out of context, I'm sure that film quote will have a healing effect.

[YoungDemCA]

2. I'm sorry?

[NuclearDem]

3. Nice guy syndrome, basically.

[YoungDemCA]

4. "Nice Guys" (TM)

Not actual nice guys.

[Comrade Grumpy]

5. Stuff like this is part of the problem here these days.

[YoungDemCA]

6. The problem?

Do tell.

[Comrade Grumpy]

15. The tone. Calling people assholes isn't very conducive to reasoned discussion.

And there's a lot of that vitriol flying around here these days.

[liberal_at_heart]

31. +1

[Jester Messiah]

54. Seconded. [nt]

[NBachers]

59. It's getting worse. They're feeling emboldened. I'm just tired of it. Is it really necessary?

[Squinch]

61. Can't have them feeling emboldened, can we!

That's a pretty funny post there.

[MattSh]

73. Who is this "they're" you're referring too...

Sorry, just had half a bottle of cognac and am having trouble figuring this one out...

[EOTE]

85. No doubt. And how shitty that this quote is utterly out of context.

It's not from Fincher, but a character in one of his movies. And it was directed toward an actual asshole. The quote makes it sound like all socially awkward men are assholes. I think anyone trying to put that meme out needs an awful lot of soul cleansing.

[Amaril]

88. Thank you.

Was trying to say this, but was having a hard time getting it out with my teeth all gritted.

[NobodyHere]

7. Socially Awkward = Asshole?

I guess compassion and empathy are gone even from liberal/democratic forums.

[YoungDemCA]

10. lol

[EOTE]

86. Snarky, stupid respond to insulted people. Check!

Thanks for showing me what this shit is truly about.

[liberal_at_heart]

19. My son is autistic and is socially awkward. I hope he will not be seen as an asshole.

[YoungDemCA]

29. Nowhere did I say socially awkward OR autistic=asshole

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

56. Then why did you use the term "socially awkward" in your title?

I'm guessing I need to look up the new meaning of "nowhere".

[EOTE]

87. So, are just those who are socially awkward AND autistic = assholes?

Or are the autistic automatically given a free pass for being assholes? I've got to admit that I'm accustomed to seeing a lot of stupid posts on DU, but yours takes the cake when it comes to utter idiocy and lack of compassion.

[NobodyHere]

33. I hope he doesn't either

I hope he finds love and not public-shaming.

[seabeyond]

35. this is not abotu the autistic child, or the socially awkward man. this is about men that use the

excuse of being a "nice guy" when they are anything but. and they blame it on all kinds of things that has nothing to do with it.

[EOTE]

89. No, actually, it's not about that at all.

It's about a quote used in a ridiculously stupid manner and entirely out of context. This is about an incredibly stupid OP that's trying to suggest that socially awkward men are assholes. And an incredible amount of stupidity to follow. Period.

[seabeyond]

34. my oldest is. he has implemented a lot of tools in life and is doing well. i hope the

same for your son. he will always be out there. but he loves exactly who he is and wouldnt want it any other way. he is special in respects he would not have, if it is was otherwise. i was truly concerned, but he has walked this well.

i hope the same for your son.

[Jesus Malverde]

8. I don't understand the point...

Nerds by their very nature are introverts.

"A-hole" generally is a characteristic of someone who imposes themselves in social situations aggressively, the opposite of introvert.

What ever your trying to communicate through this picture is contradictory and doesn't appear to make sense.

I haven't seen the social network, maybe some context is missing?

[YoungDemCA]

9. Nerd and asshole aren't mutually exclusive....

Neither are nerd and extravert.

[Jesus Malverde]

11. Ok

Peace!

[MisterP]

30. they have nerd fratboys!

http://www.seanbaby.com/

[Jesus Malverde]

39. I ended up in the weird part of the internet...AGAIN!!

Thanks!

[MisterP]

41. Godek!

[Jesus Malverde]

44. "I don't give a f*ck, i'm just going to do whatever I do" - Nerdcore For Life!!

The subculture referenced in the OP.

[NuclearDem]

81. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh man, Seanbaby does NOT like Godek.

[Vashta Nerada]

12. Trash thread.

Disgusting OP. I have a friend with Asperger's and he's socially awkward. I'm sure he'd appreciate being called an asshole.

[YoungDemCA]

13. What the fuck?

I did not say any of what you're insinuating.

Geez...

[Vashta Nerada]

14. Read your thread title.

[YoungDemCA]

21. The post is directed towards apologists for actual creeps...

Who, if you haven't notice, we do have on this very forum.

I guess women don't have the right to be treated fairly? I guess basic social skills should not be taught anymore?

I did not say anything about Asperger's, BTW.

[Vashta Nerada]

22. "Socially awkward men"

Right there.

Done responding. This thread is in my trash bin.

[seabeyond]

36. men were talking about social awkwardness as reasons for leer at women. it has nothing to do with

asperges. having a son that has for a lifetime dealt with these issues, in no way do i feel this is addressed to him. yes, he has social issues and has done well. that is not what this post is about

[Jester Messiah]

55. Basic social skills = calling people creeps?

Is this the part where we do as you say, not as you do?

[Kurska]

20. Not everyone is born with incredible social graces.

It doesn't make them an asshole, it makes them flawed.

[seabeyond]

40. and THAT is the very point that statement is making. it is not social awkwardness that is the

problem. that is EXACTLY the point. thank you for making it.

there are a lot of socially awkward people out there. yet.... they are not assholes.

[Union Scribe]

57. You seem rather confused

You waded into a GD war to call people assholes, with a big broad smear as an aside, and you're surprised you're getting flack? Geez indeed.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

98. YES You fucking did!

Your OP is insulting and revolting, but I'm sure you don't recognize things for what they really are.

[valerief]

60. Straw man callout. nt

[kelly1mm]

16. 4-2 vote to keep this OP, fyi. nt

[Kurska]

17. What a mean spirited thread, I've had male friends with aspergers.

They certainly would have great trouble getting a date and getting women (or most people) to like them.

It isn't that they are assholes, it is because they just lack social skills that so many other people are blessed to be born with.

Not always the case of course, but generalizations rarely help.

[YoungDemCA]

23. And I didn't say anything about Asperger's, did I?

But I guess reading into people's posts has become a thing lately.

[Kurska]

24. No but you're painting with a very broad brush there n/t

[CFLDem]

28. No the OP pretty directly equates social awkwardness with assholish behavior.

Granted that's because it's out if context, but the point still stands.

[EOTE]

90. Nope, but you did broad brush smear an massive group of people, including those with Asperger's.

But I guess not comprehending incredibly simple concepts has become a thing lately.

[seabeyond]

37. wre the hell is everyone getting austism and asperges? the men on du was using socially awkward

to justify leering at women. that is the reason the leer. they are socially awkward. all day long. and not once was asperges or autism discussed. a whole other discussion

[WatermelonRat]

70. Were they really justifying it?

I ask because I personally have trouble with eye contact, and back in high school used to overcome it by looking over people's shoulders when talking to them - until a girl said "hey, eyes up here, buddy!" Needless to say, I was mortified by the misunderstanding, and quickly switched to focusing on eyebrows.

Was the person you refer to talking of something like that or saying something more along the lines of "he's socially awkward, he doesn't know any better"?

[seabeyond]

74. it was a general and more than one. nothing specific. just an excuse for the men to do it. give

the boys socially awkward and it excuses the behavior.

as i have said in this post, i have a son with his issues. they would fascinate me. like what you are explaining. seeing how uniquely different we are all. though his issues were particualrly challenging for him at younger ages, and seemed to truly peak in middle school, he did mentally come to the conclusion that, if he did not have this, he would not be who he is. and there is a lot of special in who he is. it seemed like that point, saying to himself, acknowledging he would not want a change of who he is, ... he allowed himself to be more open and receptive and accepting.

there are ugly people out there. and they will not see your situation as others. but, let me tell you from my heart, and total love, i find the people the are uniquely different to be so special, and fun, and interesting and a total joy. i have interacted with many people that have their uniqueness's (i do not like to label or negatively define cause i do not see it that way) and they bring so much to me, opening my world in lessons.

i hope you get a lot of people in your world that recognize it is just the special of who you are and give you the acceptance i so readily feel.

[WatermelonRat]

76. Thank you

[edbermac]

18. Another quote from TSC.

"You write your snide bullshit from a dark room because that's what the angry do nowadays."

And that applies to a handful of male and female DU'ers of late.

[LittleBlue]

25. I know people who have had no luck with relationships

Some are old and divorced, some are alone because they lack good social skills, some are alone because of a disability that makes it hard to meet new people.

Not all of them are assholes, they just had bad circumstances in life, poor partners or traumatic experiences that make relationships difficult for them. One lady at my firm is well into her 50s and has never been married. She's the nicest person at my workplace. I can only assume it's bad luck, choice or some other circumstance because she has no problem making friends.

I don't see the point in calling them nerds and assholes.

[YoungDemCA]

27. Nerd is not a bad term

FWIW.

Asshole, well that's a choice.

[seabeyond]

38. my man and my two boys do not see nerd as an insult. like i say, i love my nerds. my nerds love

who they are. geeesh.

[Crunchy Frog]

51. If she's not behaving like an asshole, then I assume the post is not about her

anymore than it's about me. I'm in the same age range and never had a real relationship, due to social awkwardness.

I've never harassed or creeped on anyone before, and certainly never used my social awkwardness as an excuse to make others uncomfortable, and I assume that's the point of the thread.

[TreasonousBastard]

26. Some, but not really sufficient outrage in this thread...

I give it a 5 for snark but 2 for trolling.

[seabeyond]

32. i married a nerd. i love my nerds. gave birth to two nerds. one

does well with the young women. all about respect. what nerd father taught him both in orders and example.

[The2ndWheel]

42. Women are free to not like whoever they want

Some might like assholes, some may not. Some may like nerds, some may not. Some may like nerdy assholes. Some may like asshole nerds. Some may like dickhead dweebs. Others may like the jockiest of jocks. Others may like the smart jock. It's a mixed bag out there.

[freshwest]

43. Oh, no, not again. Straight from Duck Dynasty to DU whatevers! Can we just say we love each other?

Anyone can be an asshole.






Merry Christmas.

[Niceguy1]

45. and your OP is bullying

and nothing less

[mathematic]

46. I've never met an asshole that had trouble finding sexual partners

NEVER.

The men that have trouble finding dates are the unattractive, the socially awkward, the timid, the anxiety disordered, the depressed, etc.

[BainsBane]

47. That really gets to the heart of the matter

Thanks for pointing it out.

[betsuni]

49. Shy/Asshole confusion

Did anyone else immediately think of Larry David on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" explaining to his wife who doesn't like his friend that he's not an asshole, he's shy, and she has shy/asshole confusion?

[defacto7]

50. I've rarely read a thread that had so many

undefined terms. So many are arguing over words that everyone has a different definitions for.

What is the unquestionable definition of asshole?
What is the logical definition of nerd?
What single understood standard qualifies the term socially awkward?
The term Asperger syndrome does not exist anymore, it's called low level autism. So is that what this discussion has morphed into?

How can any sense be made of arguments and comments based on nonsensical terms that are different for every person who reads them? This is DU gone META. META = nonsense. There are no arguments or statements here just babbling.

[liberal_at_heart]

64. I wouldn't be so quick to get rid of the term Asperger's. Many people identify as aspies, and don't

necessarily appreciate being told they are not who they are because the doctors decide to change the definition. Asperger's has always been under the umbrella of autism. There was no need to get rid of the term.

[defacto7]

80. I have low level autism.

I don't find the definition change to be outside of the psychological or sociological reality of the condition. The Asperger label doesn't actually account for the broadness of it's concept and therefore I find it limiting actually pigeonholing a much wider more colorful view of low level autism. It became such a vacillating definition due to research it never represented anything realistic. Personally, I vote for the low level autism general category as broadly defined as possible till research can show more specifics. Asperger's really doesn't stand for much of anything as a label although I understand people's need to have a nice name to call a condition that makes them different than the majority of the population. It's just not representative of it's breadth.

[gaspee]

52. After reading this thread

I feel either extreme pity for the people who completely lack reading comprehension or am very pissed off at the willful misunderstanding.

The point isn't exactly complicated or requiring of deep thought.

[Squinch]

62. I think so too, but I am beginning to think that we are dealing with two denying groups. The first

just wants to be allowed to act like a good old boy and ogle those breasts and make catcalls and generally make women feel uncomfortable because it gives them a sense of ownership. And they are angry that their right to that sense of ownership is being questioned.

The second group just really is too dense to get it.

[liberal_at_heart]

65. I was going to type something hateful to you but then decided I am not going to sink to that level

Instead I chose love. Happy Christmas Eve and Happy Holidays.

[Squinch]

68. .

[Shandris]

66. If you think the socially awkward...

...are making 'catcalls' (a thing I have seen exactly once in my 4 or so decades on this earth), you're on some -REALLY- good drugs.

FFS, the denial and self-imposed backpatting in this thread is, bar none, the absolute worst I've ever seen...EVER.

[Squinch]

67. Nowhere in my comment did I say that the socially awkward were making catcalls.

And that's nice for you that you haven't seen anyone making catcalls. That doesn't nullify other people's experience.

I agree. The denial and self-imposed back patting is pretty bad. Certainly not the worst I have ever seen, though.

[Jester Messiah]

53. Classy.

And certain to gather many, many allies for the cause. And change lots of minds. And certainly not alienate anyone. Nope.

[Marrah_G]

58. I understand your post completely

The mean seems to have escaped other's in this thread.

Nerds get girlfriends. Lots of girls like nerds. Maybe it's after high school, but I am surrounded by nerdy men who are married.

The meaning of the picture is not to blame your lack of companionship on your nerdiness.

I don't know, maybe you have to be one to get it. I am and I got it.

[RedCappedBandit]

63. Well, I'm awkward. I'm nerdy.

But I'm not an asshole. Nor am I a creep.

There have definitely been a small amount of posts recently indicating that awkward men are destined to be creeps. Not fair, IMO. Just as actual creeps objectifying women is unfair.

Edit: For clarification, I understand the intent of the OP, which is not included in my statement above.

[NuclearDem]

69. For the record, this isn't implying everyone with social awkwardness is an asshole.

It's that faction of nerd culture that takes their rejection by girls in high school and lets it morph into misogyny.

It's the kind that browse the internet and make it their mission in life to get revenge on the popular girls (or girls in general) who didn't associate with them. Calling women ugly, the vehement hate of duckface, and calling women who they perceive to have been the popular girls sluts and whores.

Basically: "That slut was too busy banging the football players instead of dating me. I'm a nice guy!"

This isn't about calling everyone with social awkwardness assholes or disparaging people with Asperger's.

[Glassunion]

72. The OP could have said as much.

I read the OP early this morning, and never having seen the movie, did not understand the context of the quote.

On its face it seemed mean spirited towards those who are insecure and/or socially awkward. As well as actual creeps.

[nomorenomore08]

79. To be honest, the "girls won't like you because you're an asshole" kinda seems like wishful thinking

As others have noted in this thread, guys who are mean, aggressive, misogynistic, even downright abusive very often have no problem finding sexual partners. Though I'm not saying their success is because of their bad qualities - this is likely more a case of correlation than of causation.

[LanternWaste]

83. I thought that was obvious. I still think it's obvious.

"This isn't about calling everyone with social awkwardness assholes or disparaging people with Asperger's..."


I thought that was obvious.

I still think it's obvious.

I think there are people pretending it's not obvious to better claim a righteous outrage.

[redqueen]

84. +1

[Marr]

71. I'm starting to think that much of this is right-wing disruption. /nt

[rrneck]

75. ...

[DragonBorn]

77. What if I'm just an ugly nerd?

Generalization will surly make you tons of friends here.

[DisgustipatedinCA]

78. Great advice for nerd billionaires. For extra credit: name one on this site.

If you happen to go through life thinking men hate you for being a feminist, guess what: it's not because you're a feminist. You can fill in the rest, but it has everything to do with this atrocious OP you've made.

[EOTE]

92. LOL and +1.

Dear god, the mean-spirited stupidity around here has been overwhelming as of late.

[NaturalHigh]

93. +1

[Iggo]

82. .

[el_bryanto]

91. That's very helpful - I guess there's no real hope then. nt

[redqueen]

94. Context

It's interesting to me that even without context, most women get the actual message behind this immediately.

[el_bryanto]

95. So the point of this generalized message is that if you are Mark Zuckerberg you are an asshole?

Or what?

Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole (or at least as portrayed in the Social Network).

As a generalized statement it seems a little nasty.

Bryant

[redqueen]

96. It means that just because someone claims that it's only their being shy and socially awkward

that makes them seem like a creep, that doesn't automatically make it true.

This all started when I posted a PSA about a problem that women all over the world have to deal with.

It went fine, for a day.

Then people started trying to claim it was unfair, or that it only applied to India, or a dozen other ridiculous claims. The goal was to stifle discussion of the actual issue, and it's mostly worked. OPs like this are an attempt to get it back on track, but due to willful ignorance (it's obviously from a movie, see the legend there? And the title of the OP explains right off what it's in reference to) - it's always going to turn out the same way. With the same players feigning ignorance in order to stir up those who consider other things more important than meaningful dialogue.

[el_bryanto]

97. I guess I don't understand how this would actually get it back on track

Some men are creeps

Some men are shy and socially awkward

Some men are shy, socially awkward creeps

Now that you explained I guess I see where you are coming from, as you have placed it into context, but without the context (and I haven't been following the current wars surrounding this issue very much (i'm more interested in the Pope/anti Pope wars)), it doesn't make the argument you would like it to make.

Bryant

[Boudica the Lyoness]

99. I hit the alert button

I have been here since 2001 and it's only the third time I have done it.

I've had enough of these bullshit posts.