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Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack
Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack
SAN DIEGO—Following the events of last week, in which a crazed western lowland gorilla ruthlessly murdered 21 people in a local shopping plaza after escaping from the San Diego Zoo, sources across the country confirmed Thursday that national gorilla sales have since skyrocketed.
“After seeing yet another deranged gorilla just burst into a public place and start killing people, I decided I need to make sure something like that never happens to me,” said 34-year-old Atlanta resident Nick Keller, shortly after purchasing a 350-pound mountain gorilla from his local gorilla store. “It just gives me peace of mind knowing that if I’m ever in that situation, I won’t have to just watch helplessly as my torso is ripped in half and my face is chewed off. I’ll be able to use my gorilla to defend myself.”
“Law enforcement and animal control can only get there so quickly,” Keller added. “And you never know when you’ll need to use a gorilla to save your life.”
Reports confirmed that gorilla sales have historically risen sharply in the immediate aftermath of a major gorilla attack, most notably after the 2010 tragedy in the small town of Logan, NM, where 14 people, including two 5-year-old children and a 92-year-old woman, were viciously beaten to death by a 12-year-old gorilla who spontaneously attacked patrons of a crowded grocery store.
...
http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus
84 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
and ever...
Yes, being shown the total buffoonery of the gun argument probably does that to certain people. 
After every gorilla spree people get a-scared that the gubmint will pass new laws and take their gorillas, so they go out and load up.
It's a terrific example of an Unintended Consequence, or a Perverse Result.
Response to NYC_SKP (Reply #6)
or should I say, what you *think* is their real name.
It took you forever! I kicked and recommended this post, amigo!
It took me even longer. Must be your superior mind that put us all on our knees. Or that you're so narcissistic that you think that DU and the World and then The Universe all revolve around you so we can find you 24/7. I kicked and recommended this post too, amigo!
The more the merrier!
It's a big place, so many groups and forums and PMs to manage.
But I think digestion is even more important because without that, well, we wouldn't get very far!
.
no wonder!
and sprinkling and unsprinkling your profile with references to other posters and their posts.
very time consuming!
You win the thread. With National gorilla suit week, no less.
here: 0
That's zero, zippo, zets.
The Onion article linked to on this post is from January 10, 2013. On that day, the Slate site - How Many People Have Been Killed by Guns Since Newtown? reported 1020 or more people killed by guns in the US.
I have a slight suspicion that the Onion's reports are exaggerated. I am not concerned about being touched by a wild mountain gorilla:
They need to be concerned about our touch:
That's zero, zippo, zets.
The Onion article linked to on this post is from January 10, 2013. On that day, the Slate site - How Many People Have Been Killed by Guns Since Newtown? reported 1020 or more people killed by guns in the US.
I have a slight suspicion that the Onion's reports are exaggerated. I am not concerned about being touched by a wild mountain gorilla:
They need to be concerned about our touch:
CITES: Appendix I (What is CITES?)
IUCN Red List: G. gorilla: CR; G. beringei: EN (What is Red List?)
Key: CR = Critically endangered, EN = Endangered
Gorilla
Gorilla gorilla gorilla
All gorillas face a very high risk of extinction in the wild in the near future if current threats do not subside. Hunting, forest clearance for agriculture and timber, and disease are the main threats to gorilla survival and these problems continue to increase in intensity and extent. Gorillas, like many African primates, are also subject to human warfare in parts of their range.
CONSERVATION THREATS & POTENTIAL SOLUTIONS
Threat: Human Induced Habitat Loss and Degradation
Habitat loss and modification due to human activity is a primary threat to gorilla survival. Agriculture, logging, fuelwood and forest product collection, and grazing domestic animals all degrade gorilla habitat and are problems that only increase as the human population in Africa grows (Plumptre et al. 2003). Only about 20% of gorillas live inside protected areas where, in theory, they are safe from habitat modification by encroaching humans. The remaining 80% are severely threatened by human induced habitat modification (Harcourt 2003). Mountain gorillas, while numbering only a few hundred, live in well-protected national parks known as the Virunga Conservation Area comprised of Parc National des Virunga, Parc National des Volcans, and Mgahinga Gorilla National Park (Steklis & Gerald-Steklis 2001). Habitat destruction has subsided in this area in recent years (Tutin & Vedder 2001; Plumptre et al. 2003). The growing human population on all sides of the mountain gorillas' habitat allows for little buffer between the apes, and human activities like cattle grazing and collection of forest products have been problematic in the past and may become so in the future if political instability results in another civil war (Oates 1995; Steklis & Gerald-Steklis 2001).
Eastern lowland gorillas living in war-torn DRC are losing habitat faster than any other gorilla population (Plumptre et al. 2003). Logging, agriculture, and livestock grazing are all important economic activities for humans that lead to habitat modification in the eastern lowland gorilla's range. Lowland populations are being forced into higher altitudes where steep slopes are not conducive to farming or ranching, isolating the population even further (Ilambu 2001). Following wars in 1996 and 1998-99, a huge influx of refugees from Rwanda compounded the problem as more pressure was put on the forest for fuelwood and food collection. The potential far-reaching effects of this sudden increase in human population will not be known for some time (Ilambu 2001; Tutin & Vedder 2001). Mining prospects in DRC are also having devastating effects on the habitat and gorilla population (Stoinski pers. comm.). Ecotourism can be a positive, revenue-earning undertaking for some communities, but when poorly managed can have negative impact on the animals or ecosystems it has been implemented to save. In the case of eastern lowland gorillas, ecotourism has had a negative impact on the gorillas and their habitat. Implemented as a source of revenue for local communities, the large groups of frequent visitors severely impacted high-altitude vegetation and were disturbing to the gorillas (Tutin & Vedder 2001).
The majority of western gorillas live outside protected areas and are therefore most at threat from human induced habitat modification. Fortunately, though, where gorillas exist in the remote forests of the Congo Basin, they are not subject to human disturbance. Interestingly, though, gorillas can coexist with logging because they tend to favor the areas of secondary vegetation that grow after an area has been clear cut (White & Tutin 2001; Plumptre et al. 2003). Unfortunately, with logging comes habit fragmentation by logging roads and easy access by hunters. Forest products are in increasing demand in some parts of their range where human populations are high and continuing to grow, including Nigeria (Cross River gorilla), southern Congo, and parts of Equatorial Guinea (Tutin & Vedder 2001).
<much more at the link>
IUCN Red List: G. gorilla: CR; G. beringei: EN (What is Red List?)
Key: CR = Critically endangered, EN = Endangered
Gorilla
Gorilla gorilla gorilla
All gorillas face a very high risk of extinction in the wild in the near future if current threats do not subside. Hunting, forest clearance for agriculture and timber, and disease are the main threats to gorilla survival and these problems continue to increase in intensity and extent. Gorillas, like many African primates, are also subject to human warfare in parts of their range.
CONSERVATION THREATS & POTENTIAL SOLUTIONS
Threat: Human Induced Habitat Loss and Degradation
Habitat loss and modification due to human activity is a primary threat to gorilla survival. Agriculture, logging, fuelwood and forest product collection, and grazing domestic animals all degrade gorilla habitat and are problems that only increase as the human population in Africa grows (Plumptre et al. 2003). Only about 20% of gorillas live inside protected areas where, in theory, they are safe from habitat modification by encroaching humans. The remaining 80% are severely threatened by human induced habitat modification (Harcourt 2003). Mountain gorillas, while numbering only a few hundred, live in well-protected national parks known as the Virunga Conservation Area comprised of Parc National des Virunga, Parc National des Volcans, and Mgahinga Gorilla National Park (Steklis & Gerald-Steklis 2001). Habitat destruction has subsided in this area in recent years (Tutin & Vedder 2001; Plumptre et al. 2003). The growing human population on all sides of the mountain gorillas' habitat allows for little buffer between the apes, and human activities like cattle grazing and collection of forest products have been problematic in the past and may become so in the future if political instability results in another civil war (Oates 1995; Steklis & Gerald-Steklis 2001).
Eastern lowland gorillas living in war-torn DRC are losing habitat faster than any other gorilla population (Plumptre et al. 2003). Logging, agriculture, and livestock grazing are all important economic activities for humans that lead to habitat modification in the eastern lowland gorilla's range. Lowland populations are being forced into higher altitudes where steep slopes are not conducive to farming or ranching, isolating the population even further (Ilambu 2001). Following wars in 1996 and 1998-99, a huge influx of refugees from Rwanda compounded the problem as more pressure was put on the forest for fuelwood and food collection. The potential far-reaching effects of this sudden increase in human population will not be known for some time (Ilambu 2001; Tutin & Vedder 2001). Mining prospects in DRC are also having devastating effects on the habitat and gorilla population (Stoinski pers. comm.). Ecotourism can be a positive, revenue-earning undertaking for some communities, but when poorly managed can have negative impact on the animals or ecosystems it has been implemented to save. In the case of eastern lowland gorillas, ecotourism has had a negative impact on the gorillas and their habitat. Implemented as a source of revenue for local communities, the large groups of frequent visitors severely impacted high-altitude vegetation and were disturbing to the gorillas (Tutin & Vedder 2001).
The majority of western gorillas live outside protected areas and are therefore most at threat from human induced habitat modification. Fortunately, though, where gorillas exist in the remote forests of the Congo Basin, they are not subject to human disturbance. Interestingly, though, gorillas can coexist with logging because they tend to favor the areas of secondary vegetation that grow after an area has been clear cut (White & Tutin 2001; Plumptre et al. 2003). Unfortunately, with logging comes habit fragmentation by logging roads and easy access by hunters. Forest products are in increasing demand in some parts of their range where human populations are high and continuing to grow, including Nigeria (Cross River gorilla), southern Congo, and parts of Equatorial Guinea (Tutin & Vedder 2001).
<much more at the link>
