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William769

(55,151 posts)
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:31 PM Nov 2013

N.J. Waitress Stiffed on $93 Bill for Perceived Lesbianism

As a waitress for a good chunk of my 20s I learned to bite my tongue when old men called me “honey” or “sweetie,” or when folks offered the hackneyed advice to grow out my hair, but if what happened to Dayna Morales, a former Marine and waitress, had happened to me, I likely would have gone berserk and lost my job that day.

Dayna, a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, N.J., waited on a family with their two kids, who rang up a pretty hefty $93 bill, but rather than tip their server they left Dayna a nasty little note that read, “I’m sorry but I cannot tip because I don’t agree with your lifestyle and how you live your life,” according to the receipt Dayna posted on Have a Gay Day’s Facebook page.



The mom in the family took issue with Dayna’s appearance from the start, Dayna wrote on Have a Gay Day, according to The Gaily Grind.

“NEVER in a million years did I think this would happen,” Dayna wrote. “Not only was it a family with two kids, but as I introduce myself and tell them my name is Dayna - the mom proceeds to look at me and say "oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You sure surprised us!"

http://www.shewired.com/outrageous/2013/11/14/nj-waitress-stiffed-93-bill-perceived-lesbianism

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N.J. Waitress Stiffed on $93 Bill for Perceived Lesbianism (Original Post) William769 Nov 2013 OP
that diner is a fucking asshole! gopiscrap Nov 2013 #1
Apparently a tight one also! William769 Nov 2013 #3
Christian Love™! xfundy Nov 2013 #2
"I'm sorry but" gollygee Nov 2013 #4
no kidding gopiscrap Nov 2013 #8
No kidding Dorian Gray Nov 2013 #113
I have an exceptionally hard time believing this is true. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #5
Well thats one difference between me and you. William769 Nov 2013 #7
Why? gollygee Nov 2013 #11
Because it doesn't make a lot of sense that someone would break tip etiquette for gay bashing. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #13
You must lead a really sheltered life. William769 Nov 2013 #14
The last one for the Red Lobster girl and the receipt with N@!#$ written on it... Decaffeinated Nov 2013 #36
No, it wasn't. Sissyk Nov 2013 #82
Maybe he got the guy in the booth next to them to write it... Decaffeinated Nov 2013 #110
Do you think bigots usually make sense? It appears that you do. bettyellen Nov 2013 #18
You don't know many from the Religious Right do you? VanillaRhapsody Nov 2013 #19
In my opinion, gay bashers do not know a lot about etiquette. Luminous Animal Nov 2013 #22
Lets shed some light on the subject. William769 Nov 2013 #23
Well, that was disturbing and thank you for the info. Luminous Animal Nov 2013 #29
Wow. gollygee Nov 2013 #32
Not sure why you think that's so embarrassing. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #46
"Voooooo-LARE!" Warren DeMontague Nov 2013 #56
Holy fucking shit! And this bigot is still allowed to post... idwiyo Nov 2013 #93
You don't even understand that my post was in opposition to the upcoming Olympics. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #100
whoa. abelenkpe Nov 2013 #127
When I was a server I experienced just the opposite. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #43
yeah, I always enjoyed getting religious literature in lieu of cash. unapatriciated Nov 2013 #62
WOW. Where have you been? Cali_Democrat Nov 2013 #30
Lurking for a while. Pab Sungenis Nov 2013 #37
Which was probably my best hidden post ever. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #41
That post was disgarceful and you should be ashamed of yourself for writing it. idwiyo Nov 2013 #94
My post was actually not disgraceful at all. That so many people missed the point... Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #96
But of course! One look at your posts shitting all over this thread makes it very clear. idwiyo Nov 2013 #98
About how much sense does it make to you that an LGBTQ DUer Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #99
I can point you to a number of posts from anti-choice female DUers. THAT much sense. idwiyo Nov 2013 #102
Yeah, I'm not a homophobe. Not by ANY stretch of the imagination. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #103
You have no one but youself to blame for it. I beleive that waitress because I damn well know what idwiyo Nov 2013 #104
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with what I wrote. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #105
Well, if so many people misunderstood your intent there is something wrong with your posts. idwiyo Nov 2013 #111
People have been beaten to death for being gay. Incitatus Nov 2013 #40
Perhaps you have insufficiently wide experience in this area? JHB Nov 2013 #44
Have you ever had a job where you had to deal with the public? Warren DeMontague Nov 2013 #54
Yes I've worked in retail and as a server for the better part of 9 years. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #66
Here's the formula I developed, from years and years of my own experience. Warren DeMontague Nov 2013 #70
You said it Warren spiderpig Nov 2013 #106
Sure. Sissyk Nov 2013 #81
hee-hee...you's bad! Behind the Aegis Nov 2013 #83
I is not bad! lol Sissyk Nov 2013 #86
That's what I was driving for, but missed the turn lane. Behind the Aegis Nov 2013 #87
It's *not* rational, that's the thing. So I can see how someone who hasn't experienced it nomorenomore08 Nov 2013 #91
Homophobes still have to function in society. They don't literally run around everywhere... Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #89
And you know that because you are gay, and never experienced any bigotry. Yes? idwiyo Nov 2013 #95
No, I know that because I live in a state filled to the brim with homophobic assholes. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #97
I am an emigrant who will pass for local until I start talking. My BF DID NOT believe me idwiyo Nov 2013 #101
It happened a few weeks ago Change has come Nov 2013 #90
Would you believe someone would boast of their religious beliefs? bigbrother05 Nov 2013 #119
Just every single other form of etiquette? Orsino Nov 2013 #124
Gay bashers follow tip etiquette where you're from? Iggo Nov 2013 #126
I worked full-time waiting tables during college hatrack Nov 2013 #21
Did you doubt the story about essentially the same thing that bullwinkle428 Nov 2013 #24
I was not aware of that other story. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #47
I live in the area. I'd be surprised if it wasn't true. name not needed Nov 2013 #58
I agree Egnever Nov 2013 #61
It may turn out like 840high Nov 2013 #73
I have no trouble at all believing it because I waited tables LuvNewcastle Nov 2013 #112
I am not a Waitress, but as a 65 year old female HockeyMom Nov 2013 #6
They are entitled to their beliefs and not leaving a quinnox Nov 2013 #9
There is no excuse to not leave a tip for that reason bigwillq Nov 2013 #16
I'm not referring to the morality of it quinnox Nov 2013 #20
People that choose not to tip for any reason (other than a very bullwinkle428 Nov 2013 #26
I always tip in a restaurant quinnox Nov 2013 #27
I can think of maybe once in my life when I've actually done that, and yes Warren DeMontague Nov 2013 #55
I'm almost 50, and can think of only 2 very specific cases where I received bullwinkle428 Nov 2013 #76
Same here with all of that. Warren DeMontague Nov 2013 #84
Cheapskates. closeupready Nov 2013 #10
... William769 Nov 2013 #17
Another instance of people using sanctimony to conceal their being cheap mofos. lpbk2713 Nov 2013 #12
^^^THIS^^^ nt eppur_se_muova Nov 2013 #45
+1 Frank Cannon Nov 2013 #114
Maybe restaurants need to either pay a decent hourly wage Matariki Nov 2013 #15
European resturaunts edhopper Nov 2013 #120
Exactly. Matariki Nov 2013 #125
Bill Maher: When did "love thy neighbor" become "fuck off and die"? Initech Nov 2013 #25
Spot on! William769 Nov 2013 #28
Yup! Initech Nov 2013 #88
This is an instant Bill Maher classic. Quantess Nov 2013 #129
"because I don’t agree with your lifestyle" I'd give a 100 bucks to be next to a table.. BlueJazz Nov 2013 #31
It was my night to "hostess", madamesilverspurs Nov 2013 #33
What a great thing to do. William769 Nov 2013 #35
It is real difficult mercuryblues Nov 2013 #34
Some bigots feel entitled to spew their homophobia. Behind the Aegis Nov 2013 #38
Amen to that! William769 Nov 2013 #39
And the fools used a credit card to do this? Gormy Cuss Nov 2013 #42
As Bill Maher said, just because you're eating out doesn't mean .... Scuba Nov 2013 #48
That family is absolutely disgusting. Vashta Nerada Nov 2013 #49
Agreed. William769 Nov 2013 #50
Why does it always stop these people from tipping the server Spirochete Nov 2013 #51
This is why if I ever open a restaurant... Chan790 Nov 2013 #52
"I'm sorry, but Jesus wants me to stiff you" Warren DeMontague Nov 2013 #53
How the eff did the bigot know the woman was gay? KamaAina Nov 2013 #57
Ok I am starting to smell bullshit Egnever Nov 2013 #59
Watch the video in post #25. William769 Nov 2013 #63
Oh I am sure it happens occasionally Egnever Nov 2013 #64
People are idiots. Especially attention seeking idiots... TeeYiYi Nov 2013 #65
Could have been the (insert minority here) Egnever Nov 2013 #67
Hmmmm... I see what you mean... TeeYiYi Nov 2013 #68
She did admit faking it. 840high Nov 2013 #75
Just posted that. 840high Nov 2013 #74
Sick... TeeYiYi Nov 2013 #60
Stories like this always seem to be about something that they're not really about (to me) Captain Stern Nov 2013 #69
I'm going to go there this weekend JustAnotherGen Nov 2013 #71
seems like there's a different story like this circulating every couple weeks 0rganism Nov 2013 #72
They should be charged with theft rurallib Nov 2013 #77
That is absolutely not theft. Gravitycollapse Nov 2013 #80
a "christian' excuse to be fucking CHEEP. plus assholes. pansypoo53219 Nov 2013 #78
Aren't these the same jerks that stiffed a Gay waiter at an Italian restaurant a few weeks back? diabeticman Nov 2013 #79
Make Tipping Mandatory erpowers Nov 2013 #85
k&r x-tian values at it's best. idwiyo Nov 2013 #92
From the restaraunt's Facebook: TheMightyFavog Nov 2013 #107
That rocks! Behind the Aegis Nov 2013 #108
Well, there ya go, then! kentauros Nov 2013 #122
When I did waitressing, I always kept my hair short because keeping it clean was much easier eridani Nov 2013 #109
Many restaurants have policies against long hair/make-up/perfume/etc SoCalDem Nov 2013 #115
It's another FAKE RECEIPT, people. Good grief, how many must "happen" before one catches on? WinkyDink Nov 2013 #116
The restaurant management is saying it happened. tammywammy Nov 2013 #117
Really? Well, the Credit Card statement would beg to differ. WinkyDink Nov 2013 #136
Did you see that my post was on 15 Nov and new information came out yesterday? tammywammy Nov 2013 #137
So, just because opportunistic people have made such sites kentauros Nov 2013 #123
I was a server/bartender for over 10 years obxhead Nov 2013 #133
Alec Baldwin? Puzzledtraveller Nov 2013 #118
I call shenanigans. AngryAmish Nov 2013 #121
I wonder what mom's alcohol blood concentration was at the end of the night jmowreader Nov 2013 #128
This must have been Chris Christie having his afternoon snack Pretzel_Warrior Nov 2013 #130
This message was self-deleted by its author William769 Nov 2013 #131
Perhaps I don't have the world's greatest "gaydar" Nye Bevan Nov 2013 #132
Anyone wanna change their comments? nt Llewlladdwr Nov 2013 #134
Not I! Called fake, is fake. WinkyDink Nov 2013 #135

gollygee

(22,336 posts)
4. "I'm sorry but"
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:35 PM
Nov 2013

BULLSHIT.

And what the hell does approving of someone have to do with whether or not you pay them for the service they provided you?

Dorian Gray

(13,542 posts)
113. No kidding
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 07:41 AM
Nov 2013

She disapproved enough not to tip... but NOT enough to actually be served by her? What a cheap asshole using disgusting bigotry to justify her cheapness.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
13. Because it doesn't make a lot of sense that someone would break tip etiquette for gay bashing.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:40 PM
Nov 2013

I just can't believe someone would do that.

 

Decaffeinated

(556 posts)
36. The last one for the Red Lobster girl and the receipt with N@!#$ written on it...
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:41 PM
Nov 2013

... looks like it was made up as well.

That girl made an easy $10K.

Sissyk

(12,665 posts)
82. No, it wasn't.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 12:31 AM
Nov 2013

Believe me, I kinda wish it had been. I live in Franklin. She didn't lose her job or even miss any work without pay because they believed her. Red Lobsterwouldn't have done that if it wasn't real.

Luminous Animal

(27,310 posts)
22. In my opinion, gay bashers do not know a lot about etiquette.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:52 PM
Nov 2013

Tip or otherwise.

But really, if gay bashers are willing to beat the crap out of people and/or KILL them, then certainly breaking tipping etiquette isn't so far fetched.

idwiyo

(5,113 posts)
93. Holy fucking shit! And this bigot is still allowed to post...
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 05:34 AM
Nov 2013

Please accept my apology that you have to deal with such hateful posts here on DU.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
100. You don't even understand that my post was in opposition to the upcoming Olympics.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 05:56 AM
Nov 2013

That hasn't even crossed your mind. That all of the extravagancy was made within the context of a political and social regime that loathes flamboyantly gay individuals. My post was a joke, obviously, although I'd still love to see it, made to point out the idiocy of the Russian anti-gay laws.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
43. When I was a server I experienced just the opposite.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 07:06 PM
Nov 2013

The religious folks who insisted that you come to church and repent your sins were some of the best tippers. Even the right wing assholes who said Obama was the devil tipped pretty well.

Maybe it was just my community. The shit tippers didn't seem to express anything other than their shittiness.

unapatriciated

(5,390 posts)
62. yeah, I always enjoyed getting religious literature in lieu of cash.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:52 PM
Nov 2013

your funny. I could paper a five bedroom home with all the religious literature I received as a tip during the 15 years I waited tables.
The church crowd was never noted for being big tippers in any of the many resturants that I worked at. The only other day besides Sunday that most servers hated was Mother's Day.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
96. My post was actually not disgraceful at all. That so many people missed the point...
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 05:41 AM
Nov 2013

is a tale of their character, not mine

idwiyo

(5,113 posts)
98. But of course! One look at your posts shitting all over this thread makes it very clear.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 05:49 AM
Nov 2013

There is no doubt what the point of that hidden post was: bigotry, pure and simple.

Disgusting,

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
99. About how much sense does it make to you that an LGBTQ DUer
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 05:53 AM
Nov 2013

Would be posting in support of bigotry and homophobia? How reasonable is that to you?

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
103. Yeah, I'm not a homophobe. Not by ANY stretch of the imagination.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 06:18 AM
Nov 2013

People viewed my post in the exact opposite manner I intended. Whether or not that is a failure to communicate on my part is another issue. But what is at play here is my gay "street cred," apparently by a bunch of people who have no idea who I am.

idwiyo

(5,113 posts)
104. You have no one but youself to blame for it. I beleive that waitress because I damn well know what
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 06:23 AM
Nov 2013

bigots are capable of in everyday life.

I experienced racism first hand, and I have absolutely no doubt that instances of homophobia are even more prevalent than instances of racism.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
105. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with what I wrote.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 06:33 AM
Nov 2013

People misinterpreted it and fell into reactionary BS. I never thought I'd have to spoon feed people rays of sunshine on this site. I guess I was wrong.

idwiyo

(5,113 posts)
111. Well, if so many people misunderstood your intent there is something wrong with your posts.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 07:14 AM
Nov 2013

Stop blaming everyone else, and take responsibility for the way you communicate.

Incitatus

(5,317 posts)
40. People have been beaten to death for being gay.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:59 PM
Nov 2013

But breaking tip etiquette, yeah that's a whole lot worse.

JHB

(37,166 posts)
44. Perhaps you have insufficiently wide experience in this area?
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 07:07 PM
Nov 2013

The judge mental moralizing pricks that I know wouldn't blink at feeling the need to communicate their disapproval in such a manner.

Warren DeMontague

(80,708 posts)
54. Have you ever had a job where you had to deal with the public?
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:34 PM
Nov 2013

People don't need an excuse to be assholes, but they're more than happy to come up with a near-infinite variety of inane ones to justify it, anyway.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
66. Yes I've worked in retail and as a server for the better part of 9 years.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 09:04 PM
Nov 2013

I actually have more experience than most people in this area.

Warren DeMontague

(80,708 posts)
70. Here's the formula I developed, from years and years of my own experience.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 09:29 PM
Nov 2013

60% of the people are just there to do their customer thing. Not leaving an impression either way but mostly mildly benign.

30% of the people are fucking AWESOME. Salt of the Earth, the kind of folks you become friends with and hang out after work with.


But.... that last 10%... Those fuckers will turn even the most kind, patient human into a stone-cold misanthrope, after long enough.


Behind the Aegis

(54,077 posts)
83. hee-hee...you's bad!
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 12:33 AM
Nov 2013


What I don't get is why some people have such a hard time believing things like this given some of the crazy and OTT shit said by actual politicians?! What, are they the only homophobes (insert -ism) in the world?

Sissyk

(12,665 posts)
86. I is not bad! lol
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 12:44 AM
Nov 2013

Yeah, I guess so to some. And, politicians actually watch what they say (mostly) much more than normal, everyday people.

Behind the Aegis

(54,077 posts)
87. That's what I was driving for, but missed the turn lane.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 01:00 AM
Nov 2013

If this crazy shit is said by politicians, who usually are watching what they say, it shouldn't be such a leap to think that people who aren't under media scrutiny are going to say things that are much worse. Sure, there are always going to be "fakers" out there, but there are also many stories out there that aren't even close to making the media. Hell, I have had people make comments to me while I was eating in the restaurant, I wasn't even serving them!

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
91. It's *not* rational, that's the thing. So I can see how someone who hasn't experienced it
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 03:13 AM
Nov 2013

themselves might be disbelieving. Me, I don't put anything past people, generally speaking.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
89. Homophobes still have to function in society. They don't literally run around everywhere...
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 01:34 AM
Nov 2013

telling gay people how shitty they are. They'd get their ass kicked and they'd never be served/helped.

Gravitycollapse

(8,155 posts)
97. No, I know that because I live in a state filled to the brim with homophobic assholes.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 05:48 AM
Nov 2013

Homophobic assholes who still know when it's advantageous to keep their idiotic little mouths shut. These aren't crusaders. They're opportunists. There's nothing particularly opportunistic about stiffing a waitress by calling her a lesbian. They gain nothing from it other than maybe a cheaper meal.

idwiyo

(5,113 posts)
101. I am an emigrant who will pass for local until I start talking. My BF DID NOT believe me
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 06:09 AM
Nov 2013

that even here in UK racism is alive and well.

Until the day I tried to arrange a viewing for the property we were interested in renting. I was told it was not available for viewing just yet and they will call me back in a couple of weeks. That was a normal occurrence for me and the reason I always insisted he was the one to make arrangements.

I called him right after I finished talking to the realtor and asked him to humour me and call them. Do I need to spell to you that he had the viewing set-up for next fucking day? This is UK for fuck sake, not US.

So yeah, buddy. Get off your privileged horse, put on a little bit of mascara or anything that will make you look like what bigots think gays look like , and spend some time waiting tables. I am sure you'll have a pleasant experience.

Change has come

(2,372 posts)
90. It happened a few weeks ago
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 02:54 AM
Nov 2013

Near Kansas City. They wrote f*g on the receipt several times. It was even in the news and stuff.

bigbrother05

(5,995 posts)
119. Would you believe someone would boast of their religious beliefs?
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 10:28 AM
Nov 2013

The more the RW Taliban see the stories of others doing this, the more they feel empowered to do it themselves. Shows just how firmly they live their convections and will likely grow more blatant over time.

hatrack

(59,610 posts)
21. I worked full-time waiting tables during college
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:50 PM
Nov 2013

Believe me, if there's a shitty, condescending, self-righteous, rude or just plain cheap approach to dining out that's floating out there in Plato's Ideal-o-Sphere, it's been realized and deployed here on Earth.

You'd be amazed what assholes people can be.

bullwinkle428

(20,631 posts)
24. Did you doubt the story about essentially the same thing that
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:54 PM
Nov 2013

happened to a male server a few weeks back at another restaurant?

 

Egnever

(21,506 posts)
61. I agree
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:52 PM
Nov 2013

I bought in the first time but they seem to be coming on a weekly basis now and oddly with a different target every time. This is starting to smell like a scam.

LuvNewcastle

(16,869 posts)
112. I have no trouble at all believing it because I waited tables
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 07:22 AM
Nov 2013

for many years and I've seen how effeminate guys and masculine women get treated by bigots. I've seen servers have to leave the dining room in tears for being slurred. Most Americans are very good people, but there are some evil ones out there, and a lot of them are religious. I'm gay, but people who don't know me are usually think I'm straight. Besides, even if they can tell they don't fuck with me because I work out and I can go from very cordial to mean as hell very quickly.

Ask somebody who you can tell is gay some time if they've ever been treated wrong by someone because of their sexuality. You'll most likely will hear some stories that will make your blood boil, and a lot of the stories are about members of their own family. It can be a very cruel world for people who dare to be different.

 

HockeyMom

(14,337 posts)
6. I am not a Waitress, but as a 65 year old female
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:35 PM
Nov 2013

transplant from NY to the South, I routinely smack down men (especially those half my age), who call me that. I would rather be called GRANDMA than "sweetie or honey" from these Southern men. I am not, and have never been, your sweetie or honey.

 

quinnox

(20,600 posts)
9. They are entitled to their beliefs and not leaving a
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:37 PM
Nov 2013

tip, but writing a nasty note on the receipt is going into scum bucket territory.

 

quinnox

(20,600 posts)
20. I'm not referring to the morality of it
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:48 PM
Nov 2013

in my comment, I'm merely saying in a free country people don't have to leave tips, and it could be for any reason under the sun.

bullwinkle428

(20,631 posts)
26. People that choose not to tip for any reason (other than a very
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:58 PM
Nov 2013

specific service issue which they've discussed with the management on duty) are self-identifying as assholes.

 

quinnox

(20,600 posts)
27. I always tip in a restaurant
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:01 PM
Nov 2013

I used to not tip very often, but I was young and have reformed my ways when I got older.

Warren DeMontague

(80,708 posts)
55. I can think of maybe once in my life when I've actually done that, and yes
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:37 PM
Nov 2013

it was tied to beyond atrocious or deliberately obnoxious service.

Even marginal, crap service generally gets the baseline 15% from me. If they do a decent job, 20%.

bullwinkle428

(20,631 posts)
76. I'm almost 50, and can think of only 2 very specific cases where I received
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 10:30 PM
Nov 2013

utterly horrible service, and I ended up leaving somewhere between 5 and 10%. Both of these instances occurred 20+ years back, when I was in my 20s, and I've always looked young for my age, so maybe they thought they could get away with lousy service.

These days, it's almost always a minimum of 20%, and can approach 30% when it's really above and beyond the usual "very good" - one of those took place maybe two weeks ago.

I worked a variety of shitty service jobs when I was in my late teens/early 20s, so I totally understand all the horseshit everyone in the service industry has to deal with!

Warren DeMontague

(80,708 posts)
84. Same here with all of that.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 12:39 AM
Nov 2013

Folks waiting tables have a crap deal, generally. Not tipping is way uncalled for.

Obviously, doing it under the "rationale" of bigotry is even worse, of course.

 

closeupready

(29,503 posts)
10. Cheapskates.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:38 PM
Nov 2013

I have friends who wait tables for a living, and they tell me you can really sense who's going to stiff you after a while.

The homophobia here adds depth to what is clearly a customer who is an awful person to work for. Not a chance in hell I'd wait on their table - if forced, it'd be perfunctory and at my convenience.

lpbk2713

(42,779 posts)
12. Another instance of people using sanctimony to conceal their being cheap mofos.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:38 PM
Nov 2013



They are probably so tight they squeak but they had to struggle
to come up with some silly ass reason to save the price of a tip.


Matariki

(18,775 posts)
15. Maybe restaurants need to either pay a decent hourly wage
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:41 PM
Nov 2013

or add 18% tips automatically to the bill. Then this kind of shit wouldn't happen.

edhopper

(33,669 posts)
120. European resturaunts
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 10:32 AM
Nov 2013

seem to pay their staff a living wage.

Another area where American isn't exactly "exceptional".

Matariki

(18,775 posts)
125. Exactly.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 02:14 PM
Nov 2013

And the service is just fine, even when people aren't put in that humiliating position of having to grovel for their wages.

Initech

(100,159 posts)
25. Bill Maher: When did "love thy neighbor" become "fuck off and die"?
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 05:57 PM
Nov 2013


He should've waited a week to include this one!

Initech

(100,159 posts)
88. Yup!
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 01:20 AM
Nov 2013

My favorite part of that:

"Telling a waiter you're not tipping him because he's gay isn't going to make him put his penis in a woman. It's going to make him put his penis in your pasta primavera!"

 

BlueJazz

(25,348 posts)
31. "because I don’t agree with your lifestyle" I'd give a 100 bucks to be next to a table..
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:09 PM
Nov 2013

...that pulled some shit like that. I'd stand up and rip their asses in front of every patron in the restaurant.
...and have fun doing it.

Don't think I would do that ?...you be wrong.

madamesilverspurs

(15,821 posts)
33. It was my night to "hostess",
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:24 PM
Nov 2013

and as two ladies left after dinner they handed me two dollars and asked me to pass that along to the waitress. Since their server happened to be standing right there I suggested they could go ahead and give it to her directly. Looking decidedly uncomfortable, the woman with the cash pressed it into my hand and said, "Well, no. You know how it is...", to which I responded with "No, I don't" and gave the money back to her. After they huffed out of the restaurant I gave the waitress $2 out my own pocket to replace the tip I'd cost her. She needed the money, as her husband had left her to raise two kids on her own. The two women objected to her waitressing while Black.


That was in 1976, Williamsburg VA.

mercuryblues

(14,566 posts)
34. It is real difficult
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:24 PM
Nov 2013

to think up an appropriate response in time in these situations. So please feel free to steal this......

I licked your kids plates and now they have caught the gay! Have a gay life!

It pisses me off that the person was good enough to wait on their asses, but not good enough to pay them for that service.

Behind the Aegis

(54,077 posts)
38. Some bigots feel entitled to spew their homophobia.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 06:56 PM
Nov 2013

Many may not see the homophobia, even here, in the real world, but as a gay person, trust me it is out there and it is not shy! Some don't realize for a few of us, shit like this is not completely out of the ordinary. We are attacked for simply being gay, nothing more. Homophobia is NOT just calling us "fags" and "dykes."

Gormy Cuss

(30,884 posts)
42. And the fools used a credit card to do this?
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 07:03 PM
Nov 2013

If they really had a problem with her perceived "lifestyle" they should have left before being served.

IMHO they're just cheapskates who looked for an excuse to stiff her on the tip.

 

Scuba

(53,475 posts)
48. As Bill Maher said, just because you're eating out doesn't mean ....
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 07:50 PM
Nov 2013

... you can tell your server who they can eat out.

 

Vashta Nerada

(3,922 posts)
49. That family is absolutely disgusting.
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 07:54 PM
Nov 2013

If you ring up a $93 bill, and your waitress was cordial to you, you better fucking tip her, no matter what her perceived lifestyle is.

Spirochete

(5,264 posts)
51. Why does it always stop these people from tipping the server
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:32 PM
Nov 2013

but not from allowing the person to serve them in the first place? Homophobia or stinginess?

 

Chan790

(20,176 posts)
52. This is why if I ever open a restaurant...
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:32 PM
Nov 2013

I'm paying my servers a full wage, appending the cost therein into the prices and discouraging tipping.

 

KamaAina

(78,249 posts)
57. How the eff did the bigot know the woman was gay?
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:44 PM
Nov 2013

Did she say "Hi! My name's Dana, and I'll be your lesbian server this evening"?!

One of my dear friends has a buzzcut and is 100% hetero.

 

Egnever

(21,506 posts)
59. Ok I am starting to smell bullshit
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:50 PM
Nov 2013

the first time i was outraged the second i was incensed, this time I am starting to ask myself when did people start leaving messages on their bill all the time?

Maybe I am wrong and some dirt bag actually did this but this is starting to smell like people trying to follow up on the good will the others received with a little of their own.

 

Egnever

(21,506 posts)
64. Oh I am sure it happens occasionally
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:55 PM
Nov 2013

but when we have a new one every week to be pissed about it starts to smell a little fishy.

Like I said maybe I am wrong and this is legit but my bullshit meter is starting to go off.

TeeYiYi

(8,028 posts)
65. People are idiots. Especially attention seeking idiots...
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:58 PM
Nov 2013

...who pull shit so they can post it on their facebook page or youtube. If that's what this is about, I don't think that family is going to like the outcome.

If you're suggesting that the "lesbian" did this for a social media retaliation payday, I hope you're wrong. I seriously can't imagine it but if that turns out to be the case, she'll be busted and live to regret it. I just don't believe that's the case. I guess we'll see...

TYY

TeeYiYi

(8,028 posts)
68. Hmmmm... I see what you mean...
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 09:16 PM
Nov 2013

I hope you're wrong but your theory makes sense. What a world we live in.

Seriously, if this turns out to be bullshit, I wouldn't want to be in that particular lesbian's birkenstocks. People on the internet have nothing better to do than to get to the bottom of a social media injustice gone viral. The truth will definitely, ultimately come out.... one way or the other.

TYY

TeeYiYi

(8,028 posts)
60. Sick...
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 08:51 PM
Nov 2013

That can't be any more legal that walking out the door without paying for the jeans you're trying on or driving away in the car you just test drove. "Sorry, I'm keeping the car but I'm not paying because I don't like the way you roll."

How is this bullshit possibly legal? I hope the social media figures out who dined and dashed on the tip. That asshole family deserves every bit of the karmic retribution coming their way.

TYY

Captain Stern

(2,201 posts)
69. Stories like this always seem to be about something that they're not really about (to me)
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 09:27 PM
Nov 2013

Some people are just really cheap. They want to get something for nothing, and they want to feel good about themselves for doing it. If the folks in this latest episode were really all that offended, and wanted to stand on principle, they would have asked for a different server from the start. They didn't. They just want to feel good about not tipping.

Same thing goes for the assholes that leave bible tracts for tips, instead of an actual tip. They want to be able to tell themselves, and others, that the "tip" they left was far more valuable than money....of course, they could have left their bible card AND money, but they didn't.

Like Jesus said: "The assholes you will always have with you.."

JustAnotherGen

(32,074 posts)
71. I'm going to go there this weekend
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 10:08 PM
Nov 2013

And asked to be seated in her section. Used to live five minutes from it - but now live about 15. And we are going to give her a big fat tip.

0rganism

(23,997 posts)
72. seems like there's a different story like this circulating every couple weeks
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 10:21 PM
Nov 2013

Is there some kind of evangelical movement to not tip wait staff who appear un-biblical? Are there preachers telling their congregations not to tip gays? Pretty sick shit if so, probably not actionable though.

rurallib

(62,494 posts)
77. They should be charged with theft
Thu Nov 14, 2013, 10:37 PM
Nov 2013

of the waitress' labor.
In many cases the tips are basically all the wait staff gets - to not pay them is, to me, theft.

erpowers

(9,350 posts)
85. Make Tipping Mandatory
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 12:39 AM
Nov 2013

I know some people think making tipping mandatory would lower the level of service of waiters, but things like this give support to the idea that tipping should be mandatory. If tipping was mandatory things like this would not happen. Just add the tipping percentage to the final bill with the name of the waiter on the bill. At the end of the day, or on pay day give the waiter his/her tips.

TheMightyFavog

(13,770 posts)
107. From the restaraunt's Facebook:
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 06:54 AM
Nov 2013
Dayna is one of our absolute best servers working here at Gallop. We as a team were deeply hurt by the events that transpired. I myself as the General Manager took it personal as my team treats each other like a family. I made sure that Dayna was compensated for the tip, as for emotionally I wish there was much more I could do. One thing I can say is that people of that woman's kind business is not welcome here at Gallop, and I can assure you that if they decide to dine here again that they will be turned away.

Sincerely,
Byron Lapola
General Manager
Gallop Asian Bistro


If I ever find myself out in that part of new Jersey someday, I'll have to give this place a try!

kentauros

(29,414 posts)
122. Well, there ya go, then!
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 10:53 AM
Nov 2013

And way to go, too! Good on the manager for standing up like that

I'd say that their statement is substantial validation that this event did truly happen, here in this country of over 300 million people!

I am emphasizing that for all the folks here trying to say this is a fake story, made-up for attention-seeking and so forth. I don't know statistics, but would think that stories like this should be getting reported far more often than merely once a week. 50 such stories a year out of 300 million is an exceptionally small percentage of the population. Factor in how most people have phones with cameras and are on some form of social media, and you should be seeing far more then a measly 50 stories a year.

Also, I don't see this family as the least bit cheap or stingy. They ran up a bill of just under $90 before taxes. That means the four of them had dinners of at least 20-bucks each (or a big bar- tab for the adults) or the same adults had even more expensive dinners than their kids. Cheapskates would not eat at such establishments. They'd find a sucker friend or family member to take them out to dinner and then they'd order the most expensive item on the menu, taking home more than half of it.

This was "simply" a bigoted family. Makes you wonder if they do this everywhere, treating their outings as "teaching events" for their kids...

eridani

(51,907 posts)
109. When I did waitressing, I always kept my hair short because keeping it clean was much easier
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 07:09 AM
Nov 2013

Long fine hairs in food aren't exactly a big tip winner.

SoCalDem

(103,856 posts)
115. Many restaurants have policies against long hair/make-up/perfume/etc
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 08:26 AM
Nov 2013

My best friend has been in the restaurant/hospitality business her whole life & she's always said that they go out of their way to create neutrality:

no long fingernails
no bright nail polish
no perfume
no piercings (visible)
no visible tattoos
no nailbiters
no hair touching the shoulders
no "heavy" make-up/bright eye shadow/lipstick
chino or black slacks (loose fitting).. company logo polo-style shirts (loose-fitting)..sensible shoes

The whole idea for cooks/food-handlers/servers, is cleanliness, friendliness, and efficiency.

She said she always had a few (especially younger) women who decided that being sexy & flirtatious was the way to get better tips, but in a family dining establishment that's the LAST thing a manager/owner wants from his waitresses/waiters.. She would tell them "This isn't Hooters...please tone it down ".

People who stiff waiters/waitresses are just rude, mean people who would probably not tip for any reason. They write mean things to justify to themselves, that they are in the right.. They are always wrong..

tammywammy

(26,582 posts)
117. The restaurant management is saying it happened.
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 09:14 AM
Nov 2013
https://www.facebook.com/gallopasianbistro?filter=2

Gallop Asian Bistro I can confirm this story as accurate. It is very sad that there are individuals in this world that don't understand that people are people. Red, black, white, blue, straight, gay, bi, it makes no matter. Their heart beats, the bleed, and they hurt. What happened was appalling. And I would stand behind any of my employees in a situation such as this.

kentauros

(29,414 posts)
123. So, just because opportunistic people have made such sites
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 11:01 AM
Nov 2013

doesn't mean then that all such receipts are suspect. We are a nation of over 300 million people. Isn't there room in all of that for most of these stories to be true? Or can you prove otherwise?

 

obxhead

(8,434 posts)
133. I was a server/bartender for over 10 years
Tue Nov 26, 2013, 06:23 PM
Nov 2013

I have yet to meet another server/bartender that has worked in the field for more than just 1 year that could not describe a customer that has done this to them.

Luckily it's a rare table that will completely screw a server, but it happens to nearly every single one of them at least once a year.

Fake? Maybe, I don't really care. It happens and it happens frequently.

My personal favorite no tip table:

The "have you found Jesus?" pamphlet with the fake $10 bill bookmark sticking out. Those are a real hoot.

jmowreader

(50,608 posts)
128. I wonder what mom's alcohol blood concentration was at the end of the night
Fri Nov 15, 2013, 03:12 PM
Nov 2013
http://gallopbistro.com/?page_id=774 is the menu for this place; the prices are not high enough that two adults and two kids could run up a $93 bill unless many drinks were consumed.

Response to William769 (Original post)

Nye Bevan

(25,406 posts)
132. Perhaps I don't have the world's greatest "gaydar"
Sun Nov 17, 2013, 02:03 PM
Nov 2013

but in my entire life I don't think I have ever been aware of the sexual orientation of my server in a restaurant. Somehow the subject has never really come up.

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