Anti-adoption activists defy popular opinion

[me b zola]

~snip~

An entire movement, it turns out--fighting with a primal passion to expose what activists insist is adoption's darker side: The lifelong trauma of women coerced into surrendering babies. Adoptees denied their heritage. And, they say, a billion-dollar industry that focuses more on money than youngsters' welfare.

~snip~

"Offering up fake parents is not serving the best interest of a child," DelBalzo said

~snip~


"I've never seen anyone more scared and vulnerable than a pregnant woman without resources," he said. The problem is, "if they ask for help, more than likely they are advised to give up their child."

~snip~

For instance, adoptees often are told their mothers made a loving choice to give them a better life. "But a lot of adoptees have said they feel like a nine-month abortion, which is exactly the opposite of what their mothers wanted," Frisch said.

~more @ link...please read~
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2004-08-11/features/0408110320_1_adoption-supporters-adoption-plan-loving-home/2

I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can view the purchasing of an infant as anything other than human trafficking.

[pnwmom]

1. Purchasing an infant would be trafficking. But legal adoptions in this country don't involve

purchasing an infant. And not all adoptions even involve monetary problems.

I know a child who was adopted because she was the result of a married woman having a one-night stand. She got back with her husband and he didn't want to raise the child. It wasn't a question of money. As sad as it is to think about, some people have unintended pregnancies and don't have a place for a child in their lives.

[me b zola]

2. Would you like me to post my bill of sale?

$550. That was 1963 dollars. Tens of thousands of dollars today.

edited for spelling

[pnwmom]

3. If you came with a bill of sale, then someone should have been arrested.

I'm sorry if that happened to you, but not every adoption is the result of monetary problems or issues.

[me b zola]

4. Don't be confused. My mother did not gain from my sale

Fertile young, poor women are exploited for their fertility. My mother gained nothing but pain by being forced to relinquish me, as is the case with 99.9999999% of women who relinquish. Its all about the buyer, the consumer.

[pnwmom]

7. In neither of the adoption cases I know most about was there any pressure put on the birth parents

by outside parties.

And neither involved a "buyer."

In one case, a married woman about 30 years old had a one-night stand with a stranger. She got back with her husband and neither of them wanted to keep the baby. A month before she was due, she looked in ads in the newspaper and found a couple who was hoping to adopt a baby, and she called them up and made the arrangements. When the baby was born, she waived the 30 day period for changing her mind.

In the other, a twenty-something woman gave birth at a hospital and told the nurses she was going to be leaving the baby there -- the same day she gave birth. She was living with a boyfriend who was not the father. She didn't know the name of the birth father, whom she'd met in a bar. A few days later she came back to the hospital and signed adoption papers. She also chose to waive the 30 day period for changing her mind.

Both of these adoptions were open adoptions where the birth mother was free to develop a relationship with the baby. But neither of the birth mothers have followed up or wanted any contact so far; one of the adoptees is a high school student and the other is a toddler.

[me b zola]

9. Uh-huh

Right...

[pnwmom]

10. Not every woman who has an unwanted pregnancy gets an abortion, even when

a baby is conceived through rape -- another situation in which women may decide to give up a baby for adoption.

Since you understand that women are capable of voluntarily ending pregnancies through abortions, why can't you understand that some women are capable of voluntarily giving up babies after their birth?

[me b zola]

11. Why can't you understand that relinquishment hurts?

That relinquishment has life-long consequences for the infant who then becomes an adult? Baby buying is human trafficking.

[pnwmom]

12. I never said it didn't hurt. All I said was that not every situation involves

monetary pressures on the birth mother.

There are other reasons besides money that can cause women to give up a baby -- such as rape, living with a man who isn't the father, being in college, or other circumstances in the woman's life that make giving up the baby feel like the best choice, no matter how painful it might be.

[me b zola]

14. Women do not relinquish for money, they are most often coerced w/o anything but a kick to their soul

People use money to purchase infants from third parties. The billion dollar industry are the people who prey upon vulnerable women (poor, without resources) to sell children to couples who want to purchase a child.

[pnwmom]

15. And there are other adoptive couples who offer a home to babies

that have been given up by parents who, for one reason or another, don't feel able to care for the child.

This isn't the 1950's, 60's, or 70's, when young women WERE pressured to give up their babies, and gave them up in closed adoptions.

Nowadays young women can opt for abortion, if that feels right for them; and if it doesn't, they can actively choose the adoptive parents and decide how much of a relationship they want to have with the child in an open adoption. Most US birth mothers these days do choose open adoptions.

[me b zola]

17. The infant "in need of a home" is almost always a lie

Young, fertile, poor women are PURSUED by adoptive couples. Handing out "business" cards to pregnant women in poor neighborhoods hoping to snatch their children. Open adoptions are a lie, as to witch I can link to to dozens of women who were promised "open" adoptions, but as soon as the infant was signed over to the adopters the adoption began closing. The relinquishing mother has NO LEGAL RIGHTS once she signs over her infant.

ADOPTION IS NOT A CURE FOR INFERTILITY!

[pnwmom]

19. I recognize that these are your opinions but you are incorrect in saying

that a birth mother in an open adoption has no rights after she relinquishes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Open_adoption


Although pre-birth openness is becoming routine in newborn adoptions there are more variations in the years following the birth, after the adoption has been completed.[20][21] Some birth mothers want to get to know the adoptive parents before the birth, but then wish to go "their own way" in life thereafter. Getting to know the adoptive family gives her confidence in the placement and the knowledge she can feel secure in the child's future with the parents (or single parent) she selected. The birth mother may feel that future contact with the adoptive parents, or the child, would be emotionally difficult for her.[22]

Likely the most common arrangement in open adoptions is for the adoptive parents to commit to sending the birth mother photos of the child (and themselves as a family) each year, and short written updates, until the child reaches the age of 18.[23] Often these photos and updates will be sent more than just once a year, such as the child's birthday or other significant events. Sometimes an intermediary is selected to receive and forward the updates, and sometimes it is done directly. This can be through mail or email. Some adoptions are more open than just sending photos and updates and include face-to-face contact. The amount of contact can vary greatly from just a time or two in the first year. It could be once or multiple times annually throughout the child's life.[24][25]

A few states permit the birth and adoptive parents to sign a contract of sorts, putting in writing any promises regarding contact after the adoption is finalized. Even in those states which do not expressly have laws in this area, these "open adoption agreements" can usually be prepared if the parties desire to formalize the agreement. Normally, courts will find these agreements enforceable, as long as they serve the best interests of the child. It is not unusual for these agreements to be more like "handshake" agreements, although they offer less protection to a birth parent if the adoptive parent's promises were not honored.[26][27]

[me b zola]

16. One of my favorite adoptee posters on FB was conceived of rape

She, like many more like her demand the truth. We will be the arbiters of our own personal information. How dare anyone decide for us what is for us to know or not know! My bio-father is, well, not so nice, but I'll be damned if that is for anyone but me to decide how to interact (or not) with him.

[pnwmom]

18. I am fully in support of adoptees having access to all available information

about their birth parents and their birth certificates. Such a law was recently passed in my state.

[FreeJoe]

20. $4,000

$550 in 1963 is roughly $4,000 today.

http://www.in2013dollars.com/1963-dollars-in-2013?amount=550

[me b zola]

21. Thanks, Joe

But its not just inflation, its that the baby market has tightened up with eyes on human trafficking and exploitation, therefore making the price of an infant sky-rocket.

[jmowreader]

5. They call it "agency fees"

[me b zola]

6. Yes, like gw bush* called the attack on Iraq retribution for 911 n/t

[me b zola]

8. You can call me Queen Bee

[me b zola]

13. Married Couple Found to be Twins Separated at Birth – New Adoption Regulation Called For

In an incredibly rare twist of fate, a married couple in the UK have had their marriage annulled after discovering that they were in fact twins separated at birth. The pair apparently had no idea they were related, though felt an “inevitable attraction” that brought them together.

According to a peer addressing the House of Lords, the case highlights the importance of ensuring all adopted children have access to the details of their biological parents.

~snip~

If you start trying to conceal someone’s identity, sooner or later the truth will out,” the peer told the BBC.

“And if you don’t know you are biologically related to someone, you may become attracted to them and tragedies like this may occur.”

~more @ link~

Yeah, but lets keep pretending that adopters are real parents while keeping secret our herritage...

[me b zola]

22. Goodnight all. Perhaps tomorrow I will talk about how my mother had to pay for her keep

while she was sent away to get rid of me