Beneficent sexism...ok let's get away from doors

[nadinbrzezinski]

Courtesy of NPR we have a very good, chiefly current example.

And the best part, is the reporter, male, admitted he's never ask these questions to male service members.

They are doing a series on women in the service next week. So what were the questions he'd never ask a male service member?

How do you balance home life with life in the military? I mean men go to war, that's that.

Oh and my favorite part, and that was more of a statement. A woman with a thousand mile stare due to PTSD makes the American people uncomfortable.

Now ladies and gents, that is beneficent sexism.

He also interviewed the father of a fallen service member, she was killed in a suicide attack. Dad really never realized the danger his daughter was in, and his role was to protect her. My apologies to dad if he even reads this, but that attitude is socially acceptable and a perfect example.


We like to protect women, and the message is, perhaps it's making us uncomfortable since women, delicate flowers that they are....

Then there are the recent crop of adds going after the image of women in the 1950s, poka dots dresses included...that is before any of these discussions. These adds are anywhere from sheer objectification to beneficent sexism and putting women on a pedestal.

This is the discussion we should be having, and how to counter the constant messaging.
As to doors, the reason why it is a meh issue any longer is because women did the role reversal over a generation ago (took control of it) and now open doors like everybody else.

I will leave it at that.

[zappaman]

1. "thousand mile stair"

That's a lot of stairs!
I sometimes walk up the Santa Monica stairs a couple of times and wow!
It's exhausting!
I cannot imagine how tiring it would be to walk 1000 miles of stairs.

[libtodeath]

13. You never have misspelled a word or goofed on an auto correct?

[zappaman]

14. Nevver. n/t

[libtodeath]

15. Well arent you just the perfect one then.

[zappaman]

16. Thank you!

Ewe two!

[treestar]

2. You do see it in the idea of women in the military

being killed in war as men are.

A prominent sexist of my family puts it: You've come a long way, baby, now you can be killed in a war. Or deal with stress at work, get more heart attacks, etc.

It's bad for anyone to be killed in war, especially useless ones, but why worse for a female, who chose to be a soldier? That just shows that the person wants women protected and in return for that, to stay in their place. yet it seems benevolent because they don't want them dead. Why is it OK for the men to be dead? That could be considered misandry.

[nadinbrzezinski]

3. Since I have even shot at...it is part of the job...it's a risk

And the bullet does not care.

Most people who I personally know who have served really don't give a hoot who's besides you, as long as they can do the job.

In some ways the debate, like LGBT personnel, is much hotter...no pun, outside the service.

Now in the service sexual assault against both men and women is a serious issue speaking not so much of sexism, but utter denial by the leadership that believes, wrongly, that the core values somehow make the services morally superior, hence deny this happens. That incidentally is a slightly different kettle of beans.

Oh and perhaps you missed the OP. the whole NPR piece was dripping with it.

[Orrex]

4. k/r

Excellent post.

[Buzz Clik]

5. Women in the military is an enormous change in culture for this country.

It will take awhile for the entire population to adapt.

It's good to point out the flaws, but be aware that this takes a long time. A lot of people don't quite get the whole picture.

[nadinbrzezinski]

6. Exactly, but the comments were indeed classic examples.

At least reporter realized he'd never ask that question.

[Buzz Clik]

7. Now that we've established that we basically agree, let me take issue with one of your points:

You were kinda harsh about the dad feeling that he didn't do his part in protecting his daughter.

Are you old enough to be considered part of the Vietnam era? If so, then this should be meaningful to you: My family is highly conservative from top to bottom. I'm the mutant. During the early years of Vietnam, my mom was loudly supportive of the conflict -- and she can be literally quite loud with big audiences. When my brother approached draft age, the volume control for her Vietnam mania was turned down a few notches from 11 to about a 5. Eventually, she start getting freaky and started trying to find ways for him to avoid service; she even talked to him about moving to Canada. I was still 12 years old, and I was shocked.

My point is this: mom was protecting her child. She supported the war, but not if it endangered her kid. (Let's not get into the hypocrisy issue -- that's pretty obvious but tangential.) A parent feeling that way is deep, deep in the genes. That's we have the terms "materal instincts" and paternal counterparts. My mom wasn't being sexist, she was just being a mom.

I feel the same way about the dad in the story. Maybe the words he used were clumsy and sexist sounding, but he was just expressing the honest emotions of a grieving dad.

[nadinbrzezinski]

8. It was the words, not the feelings.

But in his mind his grief was different from that of a young widow...

I learned that grief is grief.

But how we express it has layers of socially acceptable meaning.

So it did sound that way.

[Buzz Clik]

9. Okay. I fully understand now, and I agree.

[LadyHawkAZ]

10. The one that's always gotten on my nerves is

listening to fathers of tween girls making jokes about greeting her future dates with a shotgun. This has never, ever happened in reverse.

Or making objects in a separate pink line, because all chicks dig pink yanno, and we're incapable of using a hammer if it isn't a pretty color.

The doors issue (and for that matter the helping a stranded motorist change a flat issue) has always been a ridiculous example, because it's indistinguishable from common politeness. There are plenty of better examples.

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. At least where I grew up shotguns were never involved

But yup...

There are many more, and better examples to use as frames. Exactly!

[libtodeath]

12. Well said,thank you

[nadinbrzezinski]

17. You welcome. It is very real, but some frames stink for it

And some are not that obvious.