WASHINGTON, DC, EARTH - The Obama administration today fired back at representatives of the Galactic Empire, again emphasizing the fundamental design flaws of their so-called Death Star space station.
"Our intelligence reports state not one but two of these bulky orbital battle stations have been brought down easily, once by a young boy in a single craft and again though the actions of cute short furry creatures." President Obama remarked in today's news conference.
Responding to questions by reporters regarding the administration's escalation of words with the Galactic Empire, the president confirmed an invitation had been extended to join the galaxy-spanning regime several months back but said the United States had no interest in such an alliance while freedom fighters were in open rebellion against what they believe is the Empire's tyranny over it's citizenry.
"I can say with certainty the United States will not ally ourselves with such a government and would, in fact, back their opposition if called upon to do so."
The president's remarks drew tepid responses from Republicans in Congress and conservative writers. House Majority Leader John Boehner accused the President of being 'giddy for another drawn out war.' Senator John McCain (R-AZ) advised the president not to be so quick in rebuffing access to such "overwhelming military technology."
Jon V. Last of the conservative magazine The Weekly Standard went further, saying Emperor Palpatine is a dictator the United States can do business with and the Rebel Alliance has no governing strategy or plans for a post-Imperial galaxy should they win their struggle.
"The Rebel Alliance is an unimpressive crew of anarchic royals who are wrecking the galaxy so that Princess Leia can have her tiara back." Last said.
When asked if the Galactic Empire is an emerging threat against the United States, the president nodded to several Joint Chiefs in attendance and said, "We've got your force right here.'
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note: Weekly Standard quote is an real quote from an article published by the magazine.
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