New Texas Law Requires Schools To Display Image Of God Hung Like A Horse In Every Classroom

[Zorro]

AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to reinforce the fundamental Judeo-Christian values upon which the nation was founded, a new law passed Monday by the Texas Legislature will require the state’s public schools to prominently display an image of God hung like a horse in every classroom.

“This measure ensures that any student will be able to look up at anytime and be reminded that our Creator has the cock of a riled-up stallion ready and raring to mount a mare,” said Republican state Sen. Phil King, the bill’s author, who added that gazing upon the divine member and understanding its fundamental importance to American heritage would enable students to become better Texans.

“Now, our opponents will say that images of the Lord’s dick, swinging like a baseball bat between His thighs and visibly leaking pre-cum through His heavenly robes, have no place in the classroom. But I say it’s time to bring God’s erect, virile member back into our public schools.”

The legislation passed largely along party lines, though Democrats were joined in their opposition by a handful of Republicans who argued it should be up to parents to decide when and how their children learn about the astonishing length and girth of God’s penis.

https://www.theonion.com/new-texas-law-requires-schools-to-display-image-of-god-1850369216

[Lars39]

1. Lol, oh, my!

[TheBlackAdder]

8. Loaded and cocked. 🤣

[Demovictory9]

2. Oh..the onion

[bullimiami]

3. Is that a real picture or something they beefed up for the story?

[edhopper]

13. here

?anchor=center&mode=crop&width=1920&height=480

[bullimiami]

18. Beefed. Onion still hilarious.

[LuckyCharms]

4. Hahahahaha!

[NotASurfer]

5. Ok, I'll probably be breaking into uncontrollable laughter intermittently this afternoon now

If only the language in the next bill as signed by the governor would miraculously change to enshrine just this in Texas law, I might be persuaded to regard that as evidence of some God's existence and take a seat in a pew somewhere on a regular basis

[jeffreyi]

6. That artwork will never look the same to me again!

Good heavens.

[muriel_volestrangler]

7. It's biblical: "... and lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys ...

... and whose issue was like that of horses." Ezekiel 23:20

[snot]

10. I had to go look.

Maybe the Texas version is from before they connected, the Sistine Chapel version being after.

[InstantGratification]

11. Everything is bigger in Texas....

or so I've heard

[B.See]

20. ...they like to THINK

[japple]

12. What has been seen cannot be unseen! Thanks a bunch.

eom

[IrishAfricanAmerican]

14. 😂

[dalton99a]

15. Another detail

[milestogo]

16. ...

[niyad]

17. I had to check the link.

[GuppyGal]

19. Ex Cockina nt

[Vinca]

21. LOL - the joke's on the Onion. This could actually happen in Texas.