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Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:27 AM

Nation Suddenly Remembers Simple Comforts Of Having Out-Of-Touch White Man Run Country



WASHINGTON—With just days left before the election, the nation’s 150 million registered voters have started to remember the simple, reassuring comforts of entrusting control of their country to an extremely out-of-touch white man, sources confirmed Monday.

In the wake of the presidential debates, multiple polls have shown that citizens nationwide are beginning to recall, with great clarity, the soothing, familiar sense of security that comes with handing total domestic and foreign policy authority over to a sixtysomething white male who is completely cut off from any way of life other than his own. And with the country having gone four years without such a familiar, calming, clueless Caucasian presence in the Oval Office, experts reported the populace is now overcome with nostalgia.

“As Election Day approaches, more and more Americans are reminiscing about how much they enjoy it when an old white man who in no way understands them is placed in charge of the world’s largest economy,” University of Virginia political scientist Charles Overberg said. “Indeed, when voters consider whom they’d like to oversee vital social programs and embody the image of the United States projected abroad, the vast majority feel a sense of comfort and safety upon contemplating the familiar, reassuring light-skinned face of a man who is utterly incapable of connecting with them or anyone else of their socioeconomic status in any meaningful way.”

“In particular, citizens feel the greatest sense of contentment with an outrageously privileged Caucasian man who has never experienced any adversity whatsoever,” Overberg continued. “It’s nearly universal—Americans just have a soft spot for granting unfathomable power to white, backward-thinking 60-year-old men.”

According to a Reuters/Ipsos poll conducted this week, more than 80 percent of likely voters said they felt “calmed” and “soothed” upon picturing the nation’s commander in chief as a detached Caucasian male, while 9 out of 10 admitted they were comforted by the idea of once again placing the future of Social Security and health care in the hands of an older gentleman of European descent who is starkly disconnected from everyday reality.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-suddenly-remembers-simple-comforts-of-havin,30142/

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Reply Nation Suddenly Remembers Simple Comforts Of Having Out-Of-Touch White Man Run Country (Original post)
MrScorpio Oct 2012 OP
Blue Owl Oct 2012 #1
DreamGypsy Oct 2012 #2
littlemissmartypants Oct 2012 #3
Kurovski Oct 2012 #4
JI7 Oct 2012 #5
Kurovski Oct 2012 #6
JI7 Oct 2012 #7
caraher Oct 2012 #9
Kurovski Oct 2012 #12
Alcibiades Oct 2012 #14
LeftInTX Oct 2012 #8
Angry Dragon Oct 2012 #10
ismnotwasm Oct 2012 #11
JI7 Oct 2012 #13
Up2Late Oct 2012 #15
Spitfire of ATJ Oct 2012 #16

Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:31 AM

1. LOL -- today, we're all victims of Romnesia

K&R

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:34 AM

2. Hey? Where's RayGun...

Pacifier in Chief:


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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:40 AM

3. Thank you.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:41 AM

4. R-5

White men of an age almost always meant trouble for me. Thank God for the Onion.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:43 AM

5. did you put LBJ instead of Reagan, LBJ certainly was not out of touch when it came to minorities and

the Poor. the Vietnam War left a mark on his legacy but i believe he was tortured by it and the suffering it caused and it was probably what ended up killing him.

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Response to JI7 (Reply #5)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:45 AM

6. The onion staff did this, not the poster.

As an aside to all, be sure to check the in depth story:

"Report: Majority Of Americans Now Eating One Continuous Meal A Day"

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Response to Kurovski (Reply #6)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:52 AM

7. just saw it was the onion now, but still the LBJ pic doesn't belong there

with the point they are making.

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Response to JI7 (Reply #7)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 01:00 AM

9. I guess they were desperately trying not to have all Republicans

That is an odd choice... they could have just done the Bushes

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Response to JI7 (Reply #7)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 01:07 AM

12. i see what you're saying.

reagan would have been a better choice, but i think they may have kept johnson in for his war foolishness. he was out of touch with that, and it cost us plenty.

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Response to JI7 (Reply #7)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 01:19 AM

14. Exactly

To include LBJ and exclude Reagan is inexcusable. Yes, Johnson was out of touch on the war, but on target on everything else, the most liberal president since FDR.

And Reagan was senile as shit. The consummate out of touch old white due.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 12:59 AM

8. Why is Romney's pic up there? He ain't running my country

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 01:03 AM

10. Not to worry

After 4 years Willard will have this country in such shape that he will sell it to the Chinese and you will have an Asian President forever

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 01:04 AM

11. LOL

Now THAT's funny.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 01:12 AM

13. W Bush looks like A fucking Chimp

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 03:27 AM

15. Reagan should definitely be in that group and take Nixon out of that bunch...

...unless you consider being drunk most of the time as out of touch.

Not sure about LBJ, I'm too young to remember him, but seems like he got a lot of good stuff done too.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Tue Oct 30, 2012, 03:29 AM

16. Where's Ford???



His answer to inflation?

Everybody wear one of these:



Because the economy is all in your mind.



Meanwhile:





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