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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Rude Pundit: Random Observations on Last Night's RNC Funfest
Note: This will only be about Chris Christie because his speech was the only one the Rude Pundit bothered watching. The Rude Pundit ate something that has attacked his insides like a pair of weasels in a burlap bag. Most of the night was spent in unspeakable acts of anal and oral toilet assault. Yet, strangely, he didn't sweat as much as Chris Christie undulating onto the imperial dais. Oh, and don't fucking complain about Chris Christie fat jokes. Complain that he's an obscenity shaped like a beach ball.
1. Here's one thing that bugged the shit out of the Rude Pundit from Christie's speech: His mother "was raised by a single mother who took three different buses every day to get to work." This may have impressed people from the south and west who hop in their cars to go to the mailbox. But Christie's family is from up here in the northeast, and everybody knows people of most economic levels who take multiple modes of transportation a day to get to work. Many of the Rude Pundit's professorial colleagues take a train, a ferry, and a bus to go poison the minds of America's youth. Does that count as a speech-worthy hardship?
2. Imagine you have a friend who a few years back heard that if you feed poodles money they will shit out gold bricks. So your friend starts feeding his hard-earned cash to all the pampered poodles he can find, and they gobble those bills down. But, surprise, surprise, despite what he heard, the dogs end up shitting shit. Still, he clings to this bizarre, completely disproven idea: poodles shit gold. Now, after some time, he's low on cash. You tell your friend to stop putting out plates of money for the goddamned poodles. No, your friend says. Instead, he must cut back on other things, like doctor visits and food and more, just so he'll have the spare money to give the fucking dogs. "One day, these little bitches are gonna pay off," he tells you, sounding completely crazy, "and I'll be on easy street." But until then, he's just got hands that stink like dog shit. And there's your lesson in Republican economics.
So Christie said, "We believe in telling hard-working families the truth about our country's fiscal realities, telling them what they already know: the math of federal spending does not add up. With $5 trillion in debt added up over to the last four years, we have no option but to make the hard choices: cut federal spending and fundamentally reduce the size of this government." It's not just that it's forgetting history (and facts) to act like the government has been on some big ass spending spree since Obama came into office, ignoring tax cuts and unnecessary wars. It's that Christie is saying he's telling the truth while telling lies, telling people to face reality when he's giving them a fantasy version of the last four years.
3. Who the fuck does this fat fuck think he is, this man-beast poster boy for the sins of gluttony and avarice, telling the poor that they have to tighten their loose belts? Talk to us about cutting back when you can see your penis without the aid of a mirror, Governor Bubble. And maybe stop talking about how great you are and actually govern, fucker.
4. And this whole thing about Obama doing stuff just to be popular? You remember how pathetic you sounded in high school, complaining about the popular kids winning student council? It sounds just as pathetic now. And considering the "popularity" of health care reform, even when it was being drafted and debated, you really think Obama took the polls into consideration?
5. Oh, fuck this. The Rude Pundit doesn't want to tell you what you already know, that this is a masturbatory exercise, a circle jerk of epic proportions (as the DNC will be). It's all making the bile and salmonella build up into one more vomit.
So instead, enjoy this picture of Ann Romney pleasuring herself for the delight of the delegates:
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/
Angry Dragon
(36,693 posts)1StrongBlackMan
(31,849 posts)I thought it was a politician's job to do the things that people support ... and the people's support is what makes the things popular. People tend not to give popularity to politicians that do not do the things they support.
factsarenotfair
(910 posts)It might be body language for "Please don't stick that transvaginal probe in me!" or "I'm ashamed of my vagina." Or maybe, "Please don't notice that my womb is empty and get a younger woman."
monmouth
(21,078 posts)FlaGranny
(8,361 posts)is a, "when I laugh like this, I might pee myself" stance. She HAS had multiple pregnancies!
WCGreen
(45,558 posts)Pantie liners, the friend of women everywhere...
FlaGranny
(8,361 posts)female. No guy would think of that.
WCGreen
(45,558 posts)calimary
(81,238 posts)Welcome to DU! Glad to have you here!
And as you can see - we need you!
Now, get to work.
factsarenotfair
(910 posts)And thank you for the welcome!
calimary
(81,238 posts)Blue Owl
(50,360 posts)n/t
valerief
(53,235 posts)malaise
(268,980 posts)Rec
Flatpicker
(894 posts)Is what has to be brought to the forefront and pounded into the American psyche.
Republican economic theory has been used and simply hasn't worked. Why do we want to go back to doing the same thing?
Raster
(20,998 posts)Republican economic theory is shit.
Scootaloo
(25,699 posts)It's just that they lie and tell the nation that it's supposed to make everyone prosperous.
In reality it makes republican economic theorists wealthy, at the expense of everyone else.
spanone
(135,831 posts)they won't tell you that
Bernardo de La Paz
(49,001 posts)truebrit71
(20,805 posts)And I say that as a fat fucker myself...
coldbeer
(306 posts)but the pundit nailed it. Christie uses mirrors. He talks tough
because he has a big mouth and body guards.
He said "when the "American People" go to the polls.
That's a dogwhistle. The American People are the corporations!
Thank you Newt, you lowlife sack!
calimary
(81,238 posts)They ALL speak in dogwhistles. With forked tongues.
Glad you're here.
Now get to work!
ellisonz
(27,711 posts)Barry2012
(51 posts)I cant stand christie, he's so out fucking touch.by the way governor what the hell have you done ? And that picture of ann romney at the bottom , I mean what's wrong with her? Does she have to go to the bathroom or something?
genxlib
(5,526 posts)All valid points notwithstanding, the most glaring thing i saw was this...
three different buses every day to get to work
Buses??? You mean those bastions of collectivism.
At least his father didn't need the GI bill to pull himself up...oh wait.
tartan2
(314 posts)what are you thinking a fire engine RED dress!!!!
Gregorian
(23,867 posts)I miss the days when I had a house with room mates, and we sat around the table sounding just like this guy. The worst and best of times.
Response to meegbear (Original post)
bupkus This message was self-deleted by its author.
jbeing
(171 posts)from one of my favorite writers:
"...he's an obscenity shaped like a beach ball."
Perfect.
JDPriestly
(57,936 posts)ozsea1
(36 posts)Well, at least someone found some relief in that cluster**** of a spectacle!
calimary
(81,238 posts)I LOVE the Rude Pundit!
Glad you all are here! We need as much muscle and as many hands on deck as we can get! There's an election to win.
Now, get to work.