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Hometown: CA
Member since: Thu Nov 28, 2013, 01:53 PM
Number of posts: 209

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Father's Day thread for Single Parents

I am a single mom of three. Had my first at 22, alone, when my husband decided he was too young or something and vanished when i was 8 mos pregnant. Second marriage, two more kids...the abuse started before the second pregnancy and he thought I wouldn't leave with babies on my hip. I ran ten years ago with a 12 yr old, two yr old and 9 month old...

The reality is that I have spent more time alone as a parent and head of household than I have had partnership. There's times I am glad for it...I don't have to share custody or do the debate about who's rules are better...But I also don't have the support and companionship that most coupled parents have.
My kids are now 21, 12 & 11...and they are the most funny, smart, and well adjusted kids I know. They aren't jaded, but they know I struggle sometimes and they respect the efforts I make to help their lives be as "normal" as possible, despite the missing parent. I think sometimes we all wonder "what if" but it's not something to dwell on. (my daughter, in her romantic tween thoughts, thinks I need a BF and that I am lonely...but I am really just *too* busy for the social life right now)
That said - days like this that recognize a parent that is absent - are a little irksome to say the least. I am proud that I have been the one pitching and practicing grounders and flyballs with my youngest so he can excel in baseball, but there are some things I can't be to all of them. And yes, it kind of pisses me off that the men who said they would be there for me (and US) are living their lives with no strings attached.

Anyway - Here's a shout out for ALL single Parents today. We do it ALL, and we deserve to get props for BOTH parent holidays!!

Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Sun Jun 15, 2014, 03:49 PM (2 replies)

Really? Is $12/hr even close to a living wage for a family?

Just had a really promising interview last week. But I will have to bow out of the race because the best salary they can offer is $12/hr...and I don't think there's any chance for raises or advancement either...(small town news gig, full time and evenings)

While cost of living is better in the valley compared to where I am now, it would be a commute over a mountain pass for at least a month till I could get moved (if not longer). That also puts wear & tear on my only car that has 198K miles and may not survive the month of hard driving. Not to mention it would also be a move across state lines, and my healthcare is not something I can lose. (Finally got my medi-Cal worked out and started healing after a horrible crisis with meds last two months, can't take the chance of any hiccups there) Even when the job's benefits kick in, I don't think I could afford the deduction from the paycheck...AND $12/hr seems to put you out of eligibility for most assistance - lower utilities, childcare, state healthcare, etc. Not to mention I am a single parent of tweens, and the school transition would be compounded by the need for (immediate) summer 'daycare' @ $23 per day per child at the rec center...

So what would a living wage be? Is it even possible that I can ever make that much working for 'the man'...?

I went back to school to finish my degree because I thought it would make the job/career opportunities better. I guess my best bet is to either go into teaching or find a few good gigs freelancing that I can get by with (also have other self publishing options). And after the latest bout with this auto-immune illness and seeing what happens when I can't get meds...I may just have to suck it up and apply for disability because the truth is that 40 hours a week at anything right now would most likely put me in the hospital.
Not quite sure where I am going with my rant...just needed to vent i guess. I know the job logistics for me go far deeper than just the salary. i guess I just thought that somehow getting a good job would make things better...
Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Tue May 13, 2014, 09:44 PM (19 replies)

My ACA horror story...

I'm not sure if anyone here will understand, but I had to vent about how the changes in healthcare have made my life a living hell. I know that everyone is sharing these success stories, but in my personal case...they "fixed" it and it wasn't even

I have been on medi-CAL for years, going to my local clinic and seeing a couple good docs whom I have built a rapport with over the years. I was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis back in 2008 and placed on a TNF-blocker (injection)...after trying a pill-type of medicine that was like chemo and caused more side effects than it helped symptoms...
Anyway, so I have been in remission for five years with this medication.

In January, MediCAL split into two "options" - CA Health & Wellness or Anthem Blue Cross - I chose the former. For the first two months of the year I was unable to verify my coverage to get the labs requested by my Dr. and had to call twice to request my membership card be re-sent. Meanwhile, my prescription is not coveed, so it has to be pre-authorized. It was sent thru the channels from the Dr. Office to the HMO, to a separate SCRIPS service several times and denied throughout the process...my Dr office wasn't even sure who was supposed to do what at this point.
Meanwhile I am without this medicine for two months and come not just out of remission...but with a vengeance. My skin is raw and peeling off like tissue paper - I cannot explain the constant pain.
I finally got it to finish my lab after running back & forth for the past 2 weeks and the nurse at my Clinic even had to go all the way back to my original diagnosis and send the records. After a peer-to-peer review yesterday - DENIED completely.
So now I am at square one. The Insurance co. gave a list of five other medicines I have to try for three months before they will reconsider giving me the medicine I KNOW WORKS!
This is a total case of the Insurance Companies telling my Dr. how to do his job...and I am the one suffering for it.

So tomorrow is another day in this battle. I meet with my Dr. to look at the five meds they reccomended...three of which are from the same derivative of the one I took before before to no good avail. One I am allergic to the iongredients, and the other causes Hypertension, which I already have...so it could be too dangerous.
I have to request an Expidieted Appeal from CA healthe & Wellness...and am also filing for an Independent Medical Review from the State Health Care Dept...

Meanwhile the water in the shower stings...my clothes hurt...I am chronically distracted and in pain...and ya, probably a bit depressed too. Not to mention feeling ugly and still trying to be a mom to my kids and live my LIFE...
I wish I could slather my body in lidocaine or just get out of it for a while and rent a new model...

Not sure why but I just needed some support here...
Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Thu Mar 27, 2014, 09:30 PM (49 replies)

Came home to find the kitten had escaped and ran away! :(

Ocsar, my namesake here is only 8 mos old and has recently been neutered. We let him outside ONLY with direct supervision in the backyard and when he tries to bolt we bring him back inside. He is NOT a free roaming outside kitty...

Well the bathroom window was left open a crack and he must have gotten wise. We went out for a few errands (a couple hours) and then came home to find him gone. We live in a forested area with coyotes and eagles and owls...and the sun is going down. We've been calling and shaking his food dish to no avail. Not sure where to go from here...

Please say a prayer for our little monster, that he's just being a naughty rebel kitty and will come home soon!

Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Sat Mar 22, 2014, 08:49 PM (9 replies)

My doggie had to have some teeth pulled...

Took her in for a spay and she needed dental care...since she is a rescue we knew she was in bad shape, but now it looks like they had to pull 5-6 teeth

So now not only will her tummy hurt, but her mouth too. Went and got some all natural organic soft food, thinking that'
s about all she can handle for a while...

Anyone got any other tips?

Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Wed Mar 5, 2014, 06:26 PM (8 replies)

Honest parenting questions re: tweens..

I have a couple delicate questions to ask but I don't want to offend or make it seem like I am trying to stir shit.
Let's see where do I start?

My kid just entered middle school this year. We are a really liberal family and my kids actually impress me with their level of maturity when it comes to being accepting and non-prejuduced regarding race, sexual orientation, etc... so that's all cool.

There's a few of her friends who say they are bi and lesbian, and a guy she recently liked turns out to be gay...okay here's my question - How can you know that at 11 or 12 years old?
I just think that maybe these kids are saying this or trying these roles to be 'fashionable' now...or can you really be that sure of your orientation that young?(am i an idiot?) I just think you should at least get more than *halfway* through puberty before you start leaning one way or another...especially before acting on it! sheesh, I won't let my 12 year old date, how is it these kids are having these experiences so young?

With this comes another dilemma...sleepovers. If my daughter wants to have all the girls over that's fine, but I feel like I have to designate that the girls who are 'dating' can't come together, because that's like allowing a co-ed sleepover where someone can make out with their boyfriend...right?

I feel like such an old fogey asking these questions, but I am seriously confounded at how to handle this angle of parenting...
Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Thu Feb 27, 2014, 04:32 PM (10 replies)

Made the best chowder this evening!

It's a Potato/Sausage/Corn chowder...easy and YUM!

Used the "roll" type italian sausage, pre-cooked little balls
maybe 1/2 cup, set aside on paper towel to drain

1/2 white onion chopped
2 stalks celery
(sautee in some of the leftover sausage grease)

Meanwhile, chop a handful of medium potatoes
I like Yukon Gold
put in a glass dish and pre-cook in the microwave till tender

add sausage, onion, celery and potatoes with about 1 1/2 c water

one can creamed corn

1/2 cup milk or more for more liquid/creamier recipe
add salt and pepper to taste

Simmer on stove covered for about 30-45 min
remove cover halfway thru to boil off excess liquid if wanted
stir often

serve with grilled cheese, or just some good garlic bread

you can add peas or other vegies to get the nutrition too
great and hearty meal on a cold night!!!

Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Mon Feb 3, 2014, 10:37 PM (3 replies)

Not seeing a lot of threads about the Unemployment numbers today...

So it's DOWN...but wouldn't that have something to do with 1.3 MILLION people being culled from benefits?

I dunno, but the jobs situation here in my region is still crappy, tons of commercial space still vacant (since 2008 or earlier). There is no 'recovery' in my world...

Recently got notice we lose our housing assistance next month...they had been warning us since the Sequester last year that the cuts were coming. I am grateful I have my parents to ask for help. I've been having spotty shitty job history for years now, can't seem to get a leg up. I thought finishing my BA would help, but it doesn't happen till later this year and I wonder if I have been out of the 'game' too long to compete, even IF I have 'experience' (read:middle-age).

I'm not even one of those people who would count in the statistical formula for unemployment. But I still think the numbers and talk of 'recovery' is misleading...on the ground, shit still sucks.
Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Fri Jan 10, 2014, 07:51 PM (9 replies)

So...the cops are after someone on my street...

Had three sheriffs there this afternoon, banging on the door as I was leaving to pick up my daughter. Decided it would be best to stay away for a while so we went to the store and bopped around. Got home to see a sheriff parked out on the main drag watching my street...

At about 4:30, up rolls four sheriff vehicles, blocking off my driveway, the one across the street, one blocking the way from the house to the meadow and another in front of the suspect's house... two are wearing vests and one had a fucking RIFLE...

I sent my kids to the back of the house to avoid gunfire, as they continue to bang on the door and eventually bust it down. (I am watching from the kitchen, listening thru the window and hiding behind the cupboards.)
No gunfire, but they were in the house for a good 30 mins, taking pics...two more officers rolled up, one plainclothes sheriff with a vest on, and a city cop... then they put the door back together and left.

I walked out and asked if they needed anything, they said to call them when he got home. I actually think the guy just rolled up...just called 911...shit....we'll see if anything happens...

it's a weird world. I thought the guy was just a stupid stoner/skater...can't be dealing, there's never any people at the house wonder what they are after him for?
Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Mon Jan 6, 2014, 09:36 PM (45 replies)

Do Conservatives *really* think Liberals are 'incurable'...?

(First, I have to give you the disclaimer before you all freak out and think I am a troll. I have been a liberal hippie my whole life and have actually asked my own father to leave my home for spewing Glenn Beckkk's rants...BUT I have a sinful guilty pleasure, and it is reading the conspiracy forums. Well, I soon realized that while the woowoo stuff is entertaining, most of the people there are truly bigoted, RW Christian, Obama haters and worse... So while I don't pretend to be one of them or post there, I just avoid the obvious threads that scream HATE! and stick to the freaky-deaky stuff about the comets, mayan calendar etc... Like I said, it is a guilty pleasure )

Anyway - so I popped in there this evening and there was this discussion, obviously spurred by family gatherings, about "is it possible to reform a Liberal?"
The responses were shocking to me, I guess I am more naieve than I thought. They basically see us as purely emotional, fact-avoiding freaks, moochers & freeloaders, who have no hope to change and who will narc out conservatives (to whom I have NO idea).

Now I have seen us discussing similar ideas here sometimes... but NO WAY have I seen the pure vitriol that I do from the other side of the coin. These people scare me. They really DO equate liberalism w/socialism & communism and think we are severely dangerous in turn.

I guess my question is...how the heck do we get past the polarity? And how in the heck do you guys deal with extremeism in your families or circles of friends? ... aren't we liberals the more tolerant of the two sides??

I don't want to pollute DU with the link, but I will provide it if you guys think it adds to the discussion...
Posted by Oscarmonster13 | Thu Dec 26, 2013, 12:02 AM (30 replies)
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